Damages
by Niphrehdil
Summary: Arthur turned around to face the man. -Yes?" -We...we have found Merlin." the guard said with a shaky voice, and Arthur's heart skipped a beat.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello!**

So, I had few fics which I were working on, but I don't know what came to me, this hit me suddenly and here it is. So I'm back again!

This will probably be multi-fic if you are interested. All of you who read "Friendship called treason", very warm welcome, because this is partly a sequel for it. But all of you who start reading this, please do! It_'s **completely **_understandable without reading my previous fic, as it just has few elements of it.

This is set to season three.

Please do review! Would you like to read more?

Sorry for the grammar & spelling mistakes, I'm not native speaker.

Enjoy!

**Niphrehdil**

* * *

-Sire?" the guard asked, stepping to the room respectively, but it was obvious that he had been running.

Arthur turned around to face the man. -Yes?"

The guard's face was something between scared and worried. -We...we have found Merlin. " he said with a shaky voice, and Arthur's heart skipped a beat.

He had to swallow, then took some support from the chair nearby.

Then he took a deep breath. -Is he...?"

The guard shook his head fiercely. -We don't know yet. The knights are just arriving at the gates."

A wave of uncertainty, a wave of fear.

Arthur looked up, and had to took another breathe as slowly, slowly the anxiouness took him in. -Th-thank you. Dismissed."

The guard bowed and left. When he was alone, Arthur collapsed to the chair. He sat there, staring numbly forward. He stared the perfectly organized boots next to the fireplace, as it was done some random nameless servant. Because everyone was random and nameless right now. Everything that mattered was Merlin.

Things were easier if you knew. If you know what happened, why it happened, and where. But the uncertainty was the worst. Sitting around in the chambers, training the knights, but mind hazel because everything he could think about was Merlin. He had almost lost hope. Almost.

But if there was one thing he owed to Merlin, it was the hope. He wouldn't ever give up on him, each and every day he had been missing, sending some search parties to find him.

Arthur put his healthy hand upon his injured one, his left arm which had been dislocated and partly broken. Three weeks.

_Three._

_Weeks._

It was the coldest time of the winter. How could anyone survive out there? How could...

The temperatures had been dangerously low for the lower town peasants. It was too cold...

_Merlin. How could you even be alive? How is it even possible after all that...blood?_

The prince took once again a deep, calming breathe. He didn't know what to expect to see. He didn't know if he _wanted _to see. _Please Merlin, be alive. Please. _

But he knew how unfair it was to ask something like that. It was unfair, because as the crown prince of Camelot, he shouldn't. But as Arthur just sat there, feeling the absence of someone so important in the room, he wished at the bottom of his heart. Just because he wasn't missing a servant, he was missing his lost best friend.

Three weeks.

_Three._

_Weeks._

Arthur held his hand above his eyes for a minute, gathering his strength. He looked outside to the freezing winter air, as the blue cold light surrounded him. A fist was crushing his heart with icy grip.

Then the prince slowly stood up, and headed to the physician's chambers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey!**

I'm so glad that the first chapter (even if it was a bit short, yes) got so warm welcome! I concluded that most of you want me to continue publishing this? I'm very critical to myself with writing, and I don't want anyone to get bored. :)

Here is chapter two. It's a bit short, too, but eventually the chapters will get longer if I continue this as I was going to. Review?

Story: Damages (Chapter two)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur walked towards Ortheus' chambers, the new court physician's rooms. His steps were slow and troublesome. His breath steamed in the cold winter air, even in the castle corridor.

Along the days, Arthur had started to build theories what could have happened. Many of them were completely nonsense, many of them were hopeful, many hopeless. But the real facts had been so hopeless.

Completely hopeless.

Of course he had heard of people who went missing and were never found. But this was something else. It was Merlin, for crying out loud, and Merlin wasn't like anyone else. That was something he had learnt the hard way. Merlin just didn't go missing. The blame was eating Arthur.

Considering that he had been there when it happened.

The magic that had hit him off his horse and smashed him against a rock, hadn't been Merlin's. He had grown so familiar with Merlin's magic, he knew how it felt as it waved faintly in the air around him, surrounded the presence. Arthur _knew_ how it felt like; that warm summer breeze, the small breath of summer blowing faintly from a window opened in July, as it touched the skin but wasn't anything solid, touchable.

It was Merlin, and magic was him. It wasn't anything you could separate from each other. And that magic that had crashed against him in the clearing, hadn't definitely been Merlin's. It was full of hate and violence...full of revenge, lost dreams.

Whatever or whoever it was, it was so different from the magic that had been with him every day, that he remembered it even after everything. Ortheus had said something that still bothered him:

_-You should've died after that kind of hit, Sire, as the rock tore your head open from the back and your shoulder got dislocated and hand broken. Even if your injuries were severe, fortunately they were much less severe that that kind of blow usually does. You seem to have a guardian angel, my lord."_

Arthur had to close his eyes briefly as he knew exactly who that was. The guilt had been worse than the physical pains after he had been taken back to Camelot. Y_ou better have not easened that magical blow by endangering yourself, Merlin. I just...You're not expendable. Even if you seem to think that way any time that we're in trouble..._

Arthur shook his head slightly as he realized he was having a one-sided conversation with Merlin inside his head all over again. But his thoughts were running in circles. _  
_

_The blood was everywhere. The snow was red all over. How could anyone lose so much blood and still survive? In the freezing weather? _

The memory of the blood that had partly melted the snow because of its warmth, disgusted Arthur as it had ever since he had first smelted it three weeks ago. The trampled ground, the blood stains...

The biting icy wind on his face when everything he could see was the blood.

Arthur swallowed as deep fear took him over. _What happened? What happened to you, Merlin?_

Arthur_ refused_ to believe that Merlin would be gone. He had almost lost him about a year ago, when his secret had been revealed to the whole court. Arthur still had nightmares about the poison and the moments when Merlin had been still, unmoving and lifeless in his arms back then. Sometimes he woke up in terror, and had to calm himself down. But Merlin had survived, even from the blade of his father that had killed Gaius, and even if things had been a bit unsteady, they had grown even more close than before.

He couldn't lose Merlin now. Not after everything. Uther clearly wanted to refuse sending out the searching parties, but he did anyway. Merlin was a subject that Arthur didn't take a disagreeing answer from his father. Uther knew it, and Arthur knew it. The prince was still quite impressed that his father hadn't laid a finger on his servant, neither planned an assasination or anything else.

Because even if Uther hated Merlin from the bottom of his heart, and had always stared him with murderous eyes everytime they happened to see each other, he never did anything. City of Camelot had been gossiping about this "_only exception_", on and on in secret, but no one dared to say anything in public.

It didn't matter. Nothing did. Only _Merlin_ mattered.

And so his thoughts were going round again: the magical blow, the blood on the snow, the long days spent in the physician's care but worrying about only Merlin...the searching parties he wasn't allowed to go with because of his bad condition, and watching them come back with empty hands.

_He can't be gone. I can't do this again. I just...can't. _

_I know what it felt like when I thought you were..._

Those black days were still haunting him. He couldn't do it all again. He couldn't. The agony would crush him. The grief would be too much.

_I would know if you were gone. I would sense it..._

The prince wasn't sure would he lose his mind if Merlin would be gone, so he had refused to admit it himself, even if the knights had clearly thought that the search was useless. Only thing he had, was hope. And he had hung on it like a lifeline.

As he arrived at the doors of Ortheus' chambers, he had to take a deep breathe and lean his head on the wooden door.

There, the prince inhaled deeply in and out. He pressed his eys tightly closed._ I have asked you to survive so many times before, Merlin, but I'm asking again...Please be alright._

Then he pushed the door open.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey**

I'm feeling very evil and sucky writer as I post so short chapters, but...I'll make them longer eventually.

But amazing responses again! Thank you all so much! They made me very happy. =) Sometimes I wonder if people get hooked on my stories, like I get hooked on many fics here myself. Just thinking.=D You can't see through your own work.

But without anymore rambling, here's chapter three. Enjoy!

Story: Damages (Chapter three)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Seconds slowed down.

The worst thing Arthur could think of was Ortheus' sad face; that kind of look in a physician's face was never good. _The look filled with sorrow and pity_.

Arthur had seen that look too many times. _He's not going to look like that. But what if..._

_No. Stop. Keep the situation stable. You don't know what has happened._

When Arthur pushed the door open, Ortheus turned into his direction. His face was unreadable. But Arthur didn't know the man like he had known Gaius. He forced himself to concentrate.

Ortheus was further away in the chambers and the big table, filled with huge pile of books and potions, was hiding him pretty effectively. Partly because the main room was lower than the entrance; there were few stairs between them. But what he saw, was that the physician was clearly sitting on something; whether it was a bed or a chair, Arthur couldn't tell.

Ortheus bowed his head. -Sire." he greeted. Arthur didn't even notice. -I..." he started but somehow all of the words were lost. He just stared the man.

Deep down Arthur knew he was buying time to himself; he didn't want to go around the table just yet. If the chaos he feared was waiting for him, he wanted to postpone it just for a few seconds...

But the uncertainty was agonizing. And the worry for Merlin was stronger...

Ortheus smiled. Arthur couldn't help but to twitch. _Smile. He smiled. What does that mean? _His frantic conclusions rushed in seconds.

-I assume you came because of Merlin?" Ortheus asked, and his voice was emotionless, physician-like, even if he was still faintly smiling. Arthur nodded. Fearfully. Carefully.

_Do I even want to ask?_

Time seemed to slow down. Ortheus seemed to get up in slow motion, and the way he looked down before he did it, Arthur knew Merlin was there. The prince felt like his mind almost collapsed there and then. But he refused. He refused to form the conclusion in his mind.

Ortheus looked at the prince. -He was brought here just a few minutes ago."

Skip. Arthur's heart skipped a beat. But for what felt like the millionth time, he didn't let the conclusions take over. He simply refused.

He tried to read the physicians face, but it was mostly blank. Arthur swallowed and forced his legs to work and step further. He concentrated on walking. He walked around the table, very slowly, and stared at his feet when he stepped the stairs down. Now he was standing right next to Ortheus, unable to look up.

-Is he..." Arthur mumbled, because he couldn't _look_. He wanted to _know_. It would be easier.

Ortheus stiffened a bit. The physician sounded surprised: -They didn't tell you, Sire?"

_Oh God. No_._ No no no..._

Arthur knew he couldn't do this. Not again. Not this way. _They didn't tell you Sire?_

The old agony and pain started to crawl to him from the back of the skull, like an eerie memory flowing down to the air around him.

With all his strength left, Arthur looked up at Ortheus, feeling like he could just break down in pieces. But when the physician saw the prince's face, filled with despair and grief, his face turned into worry. -Oh no, no, Sire! Don't take it the wrong way. He's alive. Merlin is alive."

It took a second before the words sank into Arthur's head.

_Alive._

Then the massive wave of relief washed over him and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. _Alive. Alive. Merlin. Alive. Merlin is alive.  
_

Arthur gasped air in so fastly that he almost started to cough. The ghost of the grief from the black days faded away to the shadows, leaving just the echo of despair.

Ortheur smiled very carefully. -I'm very sorry Sire, if you got the wrong idea because of me. I just thought the knights had sent the word to you."

Arthur stared the man in haze. He didn't actually hear him. Instead, he turned around and walked quickly next to the bed where Ortheus had been sitting on earlier.

The feeling of pure joy and relief took the place of the uncertainty and agony, because Merlin was there.

_Merlin._

_Here with..._

_me.  
_

_Alive.  
_

He was breathing. Merlin was breathing steadily, even if his eyes were closed. Arthur just sank to the chair next to the bed and pressed his eyes tightly closed in relief.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey again!

Nice that you all liked the third chapter! I feel safe enough to keep posting, eh? =) And if someone missed it, I wrote a small, short humor-fic (one thing I've never tried out before) called "Here we go again" so if you got interested, please check it out. It was a side product while I was writing this chapter. =)

This is a bit longer chapter than the previous ones. But seriously, I have no idea why Ortheus is so irritating. =D He's my only original character and I'm almost certain that everyone hates him after this.=D And if someone is worried whether this is the whole plot: relax, it's not. There are some interesting things coming..

Anyway, enjoy! Reviews are always very welcome as they make me grin like an idiot.

Story: Damages (Chapter four)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

-Sire? Are you alright?" Ortheus asked.

Arthus snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. He faced the worried-looking physician. -Yes, I'm fine. But what about Merlin? Is he...?" he waved his healthy hand.

-He's just sleeping." Ortheus said.

Arthur swallowed in relief. He took a studying look at Merlin. Merlin was lying on his back, head turned slightly away from the prince. He noticed that Merlin's left hand was wrapped up in bandages.

By instinct, Arthur leant closer and touched the white bandage very carefully, not wanting to wake Merlin up. -Why is his hand bandaged? Is it broken?" Arthur asked, worried.

Ortheus walked next to him. -No, Sire, it's because his arm was heavily bleeding. The bandage goes all the way up to his elbow."

A wave of deeper worry took over the prince. -Why? Is he hurt? Is something else wrong with him? You just said he was sleeping?" Arthur cut himself off when he realized his voice was taking some speed.

Ortheus nodded slowly, obviously trying to calm the prince down. -Yes, he is sleeping, but mostly because of the sleeping draught I gave him."

Arthur's healthy hand clutched into a fist. -Why?" he asked, trying to sound calm. Because inside, a slight, tiny panic was taking over.

-Sire, I'll tell you everything but please don't get upset. Remember you're still recovering from your own injuries?"

Arthur wanted to slap Ortheus. Gaius would've understood_ immediately _that right now, he couldn't give a damn about his own injuries. But he took a deep breathe and tried to maintain his composure. He turned to Merlin.

Ortheus started talking with an emotionless physician voice: -He was concious when the knights brought him to Camelot. He was a bit messy and kept asking about you. His arm has been sliced open pretty deeply some time ago, but fortunately the weather was on our side in this case. It was so cold out there that it had slowed the bleeding down very effectively, otherwise he could've just bled out. But as they brought him here, inside the castle, the huge warmth made his arm immediately bleed again, and very quickly. Merlin was a bit out of it so I gave him the sleeping draught. After that I stiched the wound and bandaged it, and then took care of the other injuries." Ortheus finished, sounding rather cheery.

Arthur had to breathe in and out for a second. -What. Other. Injuries?" he said through his teeth.

Ortheus seemed to realize he had just mentioned something like that without even thinking. He got serious again. -He has a nasty bruise in the left side of his forehead, few harmless cuts here and there, couple of frostbites, and then his knee has suffered a pretty strong hit. All and all, your condition three weeks ago was much worse. Because otherwise, he is fine."

_He is fine? You call that fine? How can you even mention my three week-old condition? I don't want to hear about it! This is about Merlin!  
_

Arthur would have seriously wanted to slap the man, but he took a deep breath again.

-Alright, thank you, Ortheus. Now, would you please leave me for a second?" he asked, instead.

The court physician bowed. -Of course, Sire. I'll be in the potion room if you need me."

Then he walked further in the chambers and closed the door. Arthur let out a relieved breath. Times like these he missed Gaius even more he could have ever guessed.

He turned to Merlin. His friend was pale but otherwise he seemed to be fine. -Merlin?" he called quietly, getting no answer. Then he laid his fingers very carefully on Merlin's unbandaged right hand in order to try to wake him, but almost yelped. Merlin's skin was ice cold. -Ortheus!" Arthur shouted, panic taking over again.

Ortheus rushed to the door. -Yes, Sire?"

-Why is his skin so cold?" Arthur asked, frantically. Ortheus visibly calmed, and smiled. -Oh, it's just because of the weather conditions. He has a slight hypothermia."

Arthur shot up from the chair and could have exploded. Just because the frustration, anger, and the eating worry that had last for weeks, was starting to pour over. Completely then and there. -And WHY didn't you tell me that?" he almost roared, and Ortheus took a shocked step back.

-I...It's...It's not...Sire, it's very slight. It will be gone in few hours."

Arthur's mouth cracked open slightly. Even if the worry for Merlin had easened, he could have thrown the court physician with a thick history book lying nearby. -That is not the reason to leave it unsaid!" he yelled.

Ortheus seemed lost, so he bowed once and then looked at the prince, still a bit shocked. -I'm sorry Sire, I...It's nothing to worry about. The weather is just that cold. Even the knights have slight hypothermia after they have spent long hours outside the castle."

The temptation to throw the book was almost irresistable. For once, Arthur thanked that he had been taught to be roally diplomatic even when the emotions were about to take over.

He lifted his hands to the air, taking a very deep breath. -Fine._ Fine. _But I warn you, Ortheus, when I ask you to tell me what I need, I except you to tell every detail, no matter how insignificant _you _think it is."

Arthur inhaled deeply before he said: Dismissed."

-Yes, Sire. Thank you, Sire." Ortheus mumbled, bowed very deeply and closed the door rather quickly, throwing a stunned glance at the prince.

Arthur shook his head in disbelief. Then he turned to Merlin. -What kind of idiot is that physician? Seriously? Can't he figure out anything by himself?"

The prince sighed as Merlin just kept still and breathed steadily and slowly. That quiet sound was soothing and it was the only sound in the room besides Arthur's own breathing.

Arthur sat slowly at the edge of the bed. Merlin was so tiny and skinny that it would take three Merlins to fill the bed, so Arthur had no trouble to fit there and sit beside him.

For a moment Arthur just stared out of the window into the blue winter air. _He will be alright. There is nothing to worry about. _

After a while, the silence started to feel unnatural so Arthur felt the need to talk. -You gave me a kind of scare." he said looking at Merlin, but he couldn't help but to smile faintly. He didn't get any response, unsurprisingly, but he kept talking anyway.

-When you wake up, you're going to tell everything that has happened to you in these three weeks, Merlin. I was...so afraid that you..." but his voice faded away.

He let out a pain-filled gasp, resembling all of the ones he had drewn during the lonely, grey three weeks he had spent in uncertainty and fear. The prince's voice was uncharacteristically small and quiet: -I didn't even know what had happened. "

Arthur let his eyes slid from Merlin's face to the window. -But still, I refused to think that anything bad had happened to you. I couldn't let myself think that way, you know?"

He looked back at Merlin, and huffed. -Well, of course you know, you know me better than anyone..."

Arthur tilted his head and smiled faintly. -You never cease to amaze me. Three weeks, Merlin? It's freezing out there." The prince had to shake his head. -I'm just glad you were stubborn enough to pull it through."

Arthur sighed and studied Merlin with his gaze. Then he put his fingers on the side of Merlin's head and turned it slightly.

The left side of Merlin's forehead was covered in blue bruise, with a shades of purple and black in it. Arthur winced. That hadn't been just a harmless blow. He turned Merlin's head slowly back to where it had been. He couldn't suffocate the feeling of disgust.

_Who did this to you? No matter how clumsy you are, you're not this clumsy._

Merlin kept still and Arthur had no other choice than to wait. _Who did this? Who would want to harm you? What for God's sake happened to you?  
_

After weeks of uncertain theories, the only thing Arthur had concluded from the events, was that he hadn't been the attack's target.

It had been Merlin.

Not he, Arthur Pendragon, the crown prince of Camelot and the future king. It had been Merlin, his most loyal and closest friend.

And also the most powerful sorcerer there was.

It was the fact that he couldn't shrug off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey!**

Back again. With chapter five. It's a bit slow development, but trust me, there is something rather interesting on its way. The name of this fic is "Damages" and there hasn't been those yet...Just to tease you a bit. =) Hope you all can keep on reading. I appreciate it! Reviews are always very welcome.=)

Enjoy!

Story: Damages (Chapter five)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin started to come around some time after the sun set. As Ortheus had told Arthur, the hypothermia was gone by now and Merlin was just shivering slightly. He was now covered with a blanket.

Ortheus had requested Arthur to go and rest because of his still weak condition, but this time the physician was smart enough to drop the argument when Arthur glared at him and just said: "No. I won't leave."

Arthur sat in the chair now, staring outside. When the poignant uncertainty and worry had easened, the restlessness was taking over. He couldn't help but to start building theories again, now based upon the injuries Merlin had. Arthur felt also unnaturally tired. He wonderer whether it was because of the huge relief. He hadn't been this tired since..._ever_. But it wasn't important. Merlin was.

His thoughts were interupted when Merlin's eyes flickered and Arthur turned his attention to him. After a while, Merlin blinked, looking a bit hazy, but then he opened his eyes and his eyes wandered a second before they found the prince. The second they did, the flash of panic set in. -Arth..r!" Merlin mumbled with a hoarse voice, and he immediately tried to get up.

Surprised Arthur acted by instinct and put his hands on Merlin's arms and kept him still. -Calm down, Merlin! It's alright. You're in Camelot." he said with a demanding voice and Merlin's frantic gaze started to fade. He looked up to the prince, like trying to find something what was wrong. Arthur kept his eyes on Merlin, and soon he relaxed under the prince's hands and slumped against the sheets again. Arthur studied Merlin's face, a bit frightened by his reaction. His heart had took a bit pace for the frantic awakening.

Merlin closed his eyes briefly. -I'm in Camelot?" he asked, like it was hard to believe.

Arthur nodded. -Yes, Merlin, you are in Camelot. You were brought here this afternoon." he said, like trying to find the reason for the behaviour.

Merlin opened his eyes and studied Arthur. -And you?" he asked, with a worried face._ Why are you so scared? I'm alright._

The bad feeling about the happenings grew.

Arthur tried to smile reassuringly. -I'm fine." Merlin visibly calmed down and Arthur felt safe enough to let go and leant back on his chair. He was disturbed by the fact how _panicked_ Merlin had acted. Merlin looked around. -Where am I?" he asked, confused.

-In Ortheus' chambers." Arthur answered, and tried to analyze every move Merlin made. But he was at the same time so happy to see Merlin alright. It was almost therapeutic to see his friend there, alive, talking...But he couldn't shake off the bad feeling.

-Oh. Alright. Am I that bad?" Merlin said, looking at the prince. Arthur's face got serious. -You've been better." he said, quietly.

Merlin looked at Arthur, now really looked, and saw the worry in his eyes. Then his eyes started to glisten a bit. -I didn't...I thought that you were...I saw...Your head was bleeding..." Merlin said, finding it hard to find the right words, but the agony on his face was unmistakable. _You thought I...died?_

Arthur swallowed. A flash of agony tore him. _Did you really spend three weeks uncertain whether I was alive? That is...too horrible._

He tried to smile reassuringly. -I'm fine. Really. It was a bit out of it for awhile but Ortheus patched me up." The odd pain in Merlin's eyes easened, and the odd panic and tension he had woken up with was gone now, and now he looked just drained.

Arthur tilted his head slightly. He had been so afraid...But now Merlin was there, still a bit pale and exhausted, but alright. Merlin looked at him, smiling now too faintly.

The moment was silent, but they both were just happy to know the other one was alright. These were the things they just knew now; they had no need for words.

-Arthur?"

-Yes?"

-I'm glad that you're alright." Merlin said, smiling, even if he looked tired.

Arthur nodded and smiled. -The same with you. Merlin, I didn't even know what happened back there."

Merlin's face fell and he looked away. Arthur's bad feeling hit back with a stength and grew even more. He sensed that it had been something very serious._ But he is too tired. It's not the time for this. _So he took a breath and said: -But we'll talk about that later. Now you rest."

Merlin nodded with a smile that it didn't quite reach his eyes. He didn't look the prince in the eyes. -Thank you." A certain presence of tension lingered in the air. If Arthur had ever doubted it, now he was certain. _Something bad happened to you. Someone hurt you on purpose._

And the anger was rising. _Whoever they were, I'm going to make them pay for that. _But right now, Arthur knew he had to calm himself down. He decided it was better if the whole conversation would be dealt with later. Merlin was clearly exhausted, and the most important thing was to get him better.

Merlin shifted in the bed and glanced the prince. -Alright, I'll rest. But you will have to go to sleep, too, Arthur. It's no use if you sit there all night. I'm not going anywhere, you know."

_Like I would get any sleep. _Arthur just shook his head. But he knew it was better that he'd go. He was...exhausted too. But he ignored it.

-Fine. I'm going." he said and stood up. But then he needed to lighten the dark atmosphere and he lifted a finger. - But don't get used to this, Merlin, I just do as you asked because you look like a dalmatian with those bruises and frostbites."

Merlin chuckled silently. That was everything Arthur needed to see afther those three haunting weeks.

Arthur tried to suffocate the bad feeling. He couldn't understand it, or put a finger on it...but it was there. _Stop. __We'll be fine. If you just get better, we'll be fine._

The prince didn't even pay attention to the way he didn't think himself as one. _We. _

Arthur watched as Merlin closed his eyes and pulled the blanket upper.

_There is no me without you._

Then the prince blew out the candle and left the room silently.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi!**

Here's chapter six. I'll give you some Merlin here...Please don't get bored when I'm taking the story a bit slowly in here, it's just necessary for the future chapters.=)

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter six)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin had suffered from several headaches in his life, but there had never been quite like this one. He was sure that part of it was because of the sleeping draught, partly from the lack of food and water from the previous days.

He didn't remember that much from the last hours, when he had been brought to Camelot. What he did remember, though, was the ultimate panic for Arthur. He hadn't even known whethert the prince was alive. But when he had woken up, there Arthur had sat.

For a moment he had needed time to realize that it was real: he was really in Camelot, Arthur was alright. After that he had just felt exhausted.

Arthur didn't look that good either. He had dark rings under his eyes, his hair was messy and he had a bandage on his left hand. He also used the arm pretty carefully, so Merlin had figured it had been injured during the attack. Otherwise, the prince seemed to be fine.

They had talked for a little while, but when the conversation had taken a turn towards the three weeks Merlin had been...missing...he just couldn't do it. Not yet. Fortunately Arthur knew him so well that he sensed it and dropped the topic.

Merlin was really happy to see Arthur and know that he was fine. He really was.

But...partly he wished that the knights wouldn't have found him.

Merlin saw the rays of the sun glistening from the window. He was sitting on a bed with a blanket around his shoulders. Ortheus had refused to let him leave, so he had stayed, frustrated. He would have left anyway on his own, but Arthur had asked him not to. Merlin couldn't help but to smile faintly_. You've changed so much. I can still remember the times you tried to hide your worry and feelings. _

But then his face fell. _Did we really come so far for this...this to happen? Everything that happened from the fact that my magic is not a secret anymore..._

After three days of gathering his strength, eating, drinking and sleeping, Merlin was feeling fine. The slight concussion was already one week old, his arm was healing and most of the bruises and frostbites have faded very effectively.

All and all, he looked a bit beaten-up, but was fine. Arthur's request was the only thing that still kept him in the physician's chambers._ I would've left already. Too many things that remind of Gaius..._

Right now, Merlin wanted nothing more to talk to his mentor. Gaius would have listened to him without any assumptions and then gave him his own opinion of things, which usually had been very wise. Merlin had postponed the discussion about what happened on purpose. Even if Arthur and him were so close these days, he knew the prince would react so rashly to everything he would say. And most of all, Merlin was _scared_.

Even if he had been happy to see Arthur, he didn't know whether it had been good thing that he had been brought to Camelot. Merlin brushed the purple, painful bruise on his forehead in his thoughts.

The main reason he wanted Arthur to get some sleep and stop him staying in the room for the night, wasn't just because he knew the prince was tired. It was because every night, he had woke up screaming. The nightmares and flashes were too much to take. He couldn't stop them. Ortheus had rushed to his side, and offered him a sleeping draught but he had refused.

_I can't fix this with sleeping draughts. _

Merlin let his hand drop lifelessly on the mattress and he stared into nothingness. _I wish I wouldn't need to tell Arthur. I wish that so badly. I don't even know if I should be in Camelot. If it's even true...  
_

Time passed. The sunrays moved across the room before they vanished.

Merlin still stared into nothingness. He stroked his bandaged hand.

_-I'm sure Sire, that the wound was made with a blade." Ortheus had said to Arthur, when they had both thought that Merlin next to them had already fallen asleep. _

_-A blade? Someone...someone cut his arm open?" Arthur's hurt and shocked voice asked._

_Ortheus had sighed. -I'm afraid so, Sire. These injuries...they have not been accidents. Someone has made them. The wound in his arm...the blade has cut so deeply into his arm that it partly scratched the bone. I'm sorry to say this Sire, but...whoever did this...wanted to kill Merlin. And not just kill him, to torture him and make him die a slow, painful death."_

One single tear rolled down Merlin's cheek. He pressed his eyes tightly closed. _I can't tell Arthur the truth. I made a promise I would never lie again, but... I can't tell him. This is too much._


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi!**

Here's chapter seven already, but I'm a bit unsure about this story. Is the rather quick update pace alright with everyone? And what do you think of the story progress?

And someone asked why are Merlin and Arthur so close in this. Well, the old events to which I refer here, are from my previous fic "_Friendship called treason_." (Can be found on my profile) Some of you have read it, but **don't worry** if you hadn't. This is understandable without it. The fic also had things that made them more close to each other than before.

Anyway, no more rambling.

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter seven)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

After four days, Merlin left Ortheus' chambers. Arthur didn't let him to work just yet. Instead, he asked Merlin to meet him at his own chambers. They both knew what it meant: the discussion that Merlin had postponed very effectively.

Arthur was worried. Not because of Merlin's injuries, because they really weren't that serious. Worried about...Merlin's behaviour. He had been quiet and...sad? Something was clearly bothering him gravely, Arthur could easily tell that. Ortheus had told him that the deep cut wound on his arm had been made on purpose. Had Merlin really been tortured?

The thought was unbearable. It sickened him to imagine how someone could hurt Merlin._ Merlin? The good-hearted, kind and unbelievably clumsy Merlin? _

There was no other explanation than the one which the torturer knew what Merlin was. Well yes, it wasn't really a secret anymore. Pretty much anyone in Camelot who had been there during Mordred's attack against the city, knew exactly who and what Merlin was. It was a public secret: Uther had hanged a few people who had dared to mention about it to him.

The balance was there: people whispered, gossiped, stared them as they walked side by side: someone stared Merlin with fear, someone with enthusiasm and admiration. But no one said it aloud.

_"The only exception in the whole kingdom. Right in the heart of Uther's court. The only one who have been left alive." _

Arthur pretended like he wouldn't see the peasants staring. It clearly bothered Merlin, as he looked a bit hurt by the long glances. But neither of them spoke about it. It was on the list that they never talked about, among Gaius, the poisoning and few others. It was a prize that had to be paid for the priviledge.

And it didn't help the situation that within the past few days, Arthur had been feeling unbelievably tired and sometimes...even dizzy. He was sure it was because of the three weeks he had spent in uncertainty and fear. Because what else could it be? They _couldn't_ be the after effects of the blow he had gotten from the attack. He got also easily out of breathe, which normally never happened.

But he was sure it had to be because of the toll that the events had taken...

A small sound from a opening door interrupted the prince's thoughts. _Without knocking. The familiar foosteps. _He knew it was Merlin before he even turned around.

Merlin was standing in the middle of the room now, not lifting his gaze up from the floor.

Arthur knew it wasn't right.

Merlin wasn't like _this_. He had been acting so strangely for days now...

-How are you feeling?" Arthur asked. Merlin flashed a small smile, but it didn't reach his voice: -I'm fine."

_No you're not._ Arthur's bad feeling became stronger. The unnatural tension between them was disturbing. -Merlin?" Arthur asked, carefully.

Merlin looked up. -Yes?" His eyes had an odd, empty and agony-filled shade. Arthur felt a lump forming into his throat._ Something really bad happened to you. Someone attacked us because of you. Someone wanted to hurt you._

Arthur pulled a chair and sat down, and waved Merlin to sit also. Merlin walked slowly, and then sat opposite to the prince. Arthur knew something was wrong. They were too close now, they knew each other so well. And Merlin was everything but alright.

-Merlin? Can you tell me what happened?"

Merlin swallowed and looked down. -I..." he shook his head. His voice was quiet. -It's...difficult."

Arthur knew he shouldn't interrupt. So he just sat and waited. Merlin's eyes darted on the table's surface, seeing memories Arthur didn't share. -When...when we went on that hunt..."

Arthur remembered it._ They had been chatting this and that. It had been a cold but sunny winter day. They were just in the border of Camelot. _

_Suddenly out of nowhere, the prince was being hit with a very strong magical blow._

-I'm so sorry, Arthur...I...I sensed something was up. I wasn't certain, but...sometimes I get these bad feelings. But that day, I tried to search the surroundings with my magic, trying to find someone. But there was no one there. So I just...left it unsaid." Merlin shook his head, pain-filled face turning away.

-I know I should've said something. They were too powerful. I didn't look carefully enough. They knew how to hide from that kind of weak and easy spell."

_Who are "they"? _Arthur shook his head and decided not to as just yet. -No, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known, Merlin." he said, comforting.

Merlin didn't seem like he would hear the prince. His eyes were fixed to the table. -Then...a sudden burst of magic came out of nowhere and send you flying off that horse and crushed you against that rock. I...I managed to slow the hit down only a fracture...I wasn't even sure whether the hit had broken your skull." Merlin whispered. He was still for a moment before he buried his face into his hands.

A wave of compassion and pity took over Arthur. A long silence. -Merlin? What happened after that?" The question he had longed for; what he had been desperate to hear_. What happened to_ you_?_

Merlin took a breath, and let his hands fall back down to the table. Arthur couldn't read his expression. It had changed. His friend's face was like a mask. _There's something seriously wrong. _

-I got captured." Merlin whispered, but sounded emotionless. Scaringly emotionless. Arthur's stomach turned unpleasantly. -By whom?" Arthur asked, quietly, trying to hold down his own anger against the capturers.

Merlin's face was completely emotionless, even if his eyes were full of agony and...something else. Something else Arthur had never seen before.

-The druids."

Arthur had to swallow his emotions. Merlin, however, seemed to be calm. It was so wrong. It was so strange and _unnatural _that it was screaming at the prince's face.

-They took me into their secret camp in the mountains. They kept me drugged and bound by magical bonds. In that condition, I couldn't break myself free."

Arthur bit his lip. He was so angry that his hands were partly shaking. Merlin looked outside from the window and told the story like he would be talking about something that had happened years ago. Emotionless. Careless.

-Then I finally broke free and escaped. I hid from them for days, then started to walk towards Eald-...Camelot."Arthur caught that. Merlin's fingers twitched when he corrected himself. _Ealdor? Why wouldn't you want come back to Camelot?_

Merlin continued like there hadn't been any slip: -It was a long and cold journey...But then the knights found me by chance and brought me here."

Arthur stared at his friend, stunned_. That was it? And you told it like you wouldn't even been a part of it. What's wrong? Why were you going back to Ealdor? Why on Earth wouldn't you want to return to Camelot?_

The prince thought about it for a long time. Merlin turned his gaze to Arthur and smiled faintly. Arthur saw it wasn't a real smile. It didn't reach Merlin's eyes. -So, that's about it." Merlin said.

Arthur shook his head in amazement. -That was it?" Arthur asked, suspiciously but carefully, Merlin nodded. With a calm voice, Arthur continued: -You except me to shrug it off and continue like nothing happened? I'm not stupid, Merlin. I can see something is wrong with you. Did they do something to you?"

Merlin's face betrayed a shade of shock before he quickly turned into a mask again. -I would rather not to talk about it. No damage done, Arthur. I'm back here and you're alright, isn't that the most important thing?"

_No damage done? You're lying to me. Why, Merlin? We made a promise to each other long time ago. No lies or secrets. What aren't you telling me? What was so bad that you can't talk about it to me?_

Arthur stared his friend, stunned. Merlin didn't look at him in the eyes. The akward, unnatural silence hung. They sat there, but Arthur felt like Merlin was miles apart.

And after a moment, Merlin rose up slowly from the chair and moved to the door. The prince stared at him, still shocked, unable to do anything. To say anything. _To demand explanation. The truth._

-I will get your lunch, Sire." Merlin said.

_Sire. _

If Arthur had had doubts, they were all gone now. Because now he _knew._

Merlin hadn't used the term "Sire" since..._since_. It sounded wrong. It sounded...unfamiliar. Like it wouldn't even fit into Merlin's mouth; it seemed to crack when it reached Arthur's hearing. _Sire?_

He was _Arthur_. To Merlin, he wasn't Sire or Sir. Not anymore. They had called each other by first names for so long now. Arthur had never been really bothered by the fact that Merlin called him by his name, even in the earlier years, because sometimes he had called him _Sire_ like anyone else, and after all it had been_ Merlin_, but after the events with the poison year ago...Not once after that.

It had made changes. Merlin was Merlin; Arthur was Arthur. They weren't the master and the servant, neither of them had acted or talked that way. The echo of the word lingered in the room like an omen.

The door silently closed and the prince was alone in the room.

Arthur felt the icy grip of worry tightening. What would be so bad that Merlin would lie to him? What would be that bad that...he was drifting away from the prince?

Merlin hadn't _even_ looked once him in the eyes.

Arthur stared the closed door, numbly.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey...

So I'm very taken aback by the amount of positive feedback I've got so far. Thank you all, keep it coming.=)

Enjoy!

Story: Damages (Chapter eight)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Days passed. Arthur had to skip some of the knight's training because of his broken hand and the strong tiredness he was still feeling. It didn't help that he slept even longer than usual. Well, he was also worried because of Merlin...but for now, there wasn't anything critical happening. _So, if he could get some sleep, why didn't it feel like he would get any rest?_

Still, Arthur refused to go to Ortheus. He had been strongly irritated by the man from time to time, and he just might have caught some winter cold or something. Besides, he was too busy to worry about himself.

He had tried to make Merlin tell who the druids were so the knights could trace them. But Merlin had been quiet, and he just said that he wouldn't want to talk about it.

Arthur tried to be understanding. Those long days and weeks must have been terrifying and traumatizing, but...This was Merlin. And normally? Merlin was quiet only then when something bothered him. But the isolation from the prince and everybody else? Arthur _knew_ there was something else, much worse that Merlin hadn't told him. He felt helpless. How could he help Merlin or take revenge on the druids if he refused to talk about it? How could he know what was wrong?

Yes, he might know how the events had happened, but nothing detailed. Arthur knew that there hadn't been any very severe physical torture. Whether it had been magical or something else...

He just wanted _answers_. Merlin was alone now. He had no Gaius to talk to. Even if Arthur understood quite a lot from magic and its users these days...He wasn't Gaius and that was one thing he had had to accept. But it had been an unspoken rule that they talked about everything...

_This can't go on this way. We have to locate the druids and show them that they can't just capture people and...torture them or whatever they do. We will make them pay. _

Arthur sighed and rose up from the bed he had been sitting. Sudden dizziness took over and he had to sat again. For a moment his vision swam and he had to take a strong grip from the wooden post.

-Arthur?" Merlin's worried voice came from somewhere from the room. _You came._ In a seconds, Merlin was right there beside him. -Arthur? What's wrong?"

The prince closed his eyes for a second. It was hard to focus. -mmm...I'm fine." he mumbled and blinked for a few times. His vision settled slowly and he saw the panicked face of Merlin in front of him. He looked very worried and...something else. Like he would be ashamed...?

-Arthur? What happened?" Merlin asked, shaking his healthy arm.

Arthur tried to smile. -Nothing. Just...rose up too quickly."

Merlin looked at him, studying his face. Arthur smiled again, now more reassuringly because now he really felt better. -Really, Merlin, I'm fine."

Merlin looked a bit disbelieving...and a bit horrified but he let go and stood up. Arthur stood up also. The weren't any dizziness this time. Merlin kept looking worried. -Maybe you should go to see Ortheus..."

-No. Really. I'm fine. But I would like to get some breakfast."

Merlin swallowed and his brows furrowed. His face looked...hurt. Shocked. And...guilty?

_Guilty? No. It can't be. He was just a bit frightened like you would've been if this would've happened to him._

-Fine, but...Are you sure you're alright?" Merlin asked, his voice shaking and sounging very weak.

Arthur nodded. -Yes, _Merlin_. Now you're starting to get annoying." Arthur said. Merlin looked away.

Suddenly Arthur felt something warm on his face. _Oh no._ He quickly turned around.

Arthur thanked the heavens that Merlin had looked away just before he had turned his back.

Merlin backed away towards the door, eyes still on Arthur. The prince stood back turned to Merlin, lifting his hand to his face. - Hurry up." he said, sounding a bit more demanding than he wanted. He pressed his hand tighter to his face.

Merlin left, refusingly. When he heard the door being closed, Arthur looked at his hand. It was covered in blood. He felt the warm liquid flew down to his lips and to his neck.

The prince stared at his hands and the floor which the blood dripped on. His nose was _bleeding_. His nose hadn't bled since he had been ten.

_Not once._

Arthur sat very, very slowly to the bed. His hands shook slightly. The scent of iron hung in the air; as the warm and flowing blood streamed through his fingers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey!**

So I got a bit interesting stuff going on in the previous chapter. =) Well, here is some more. I'm very happy the amount of interest that this have aroused and how you guys post reviews, those sweet little things keep me going.=)

Enjoy!

Story: Damages (Chapter nine)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin was trying to sleep. He was lying on his bed, alone in the huge chambers that used to be Gaius'. But he knew he would fall asleep and then woke up screaming like every night since he had returned to Camelot.

Merlin took a pained breath and turned to stare out from the window. He pressed his eyes closed tightly, as the tears almost started to fall._ I can't go on like this. _

He kept quiet and still. And even if he fought it, the memories flooded all back.

_The pain when he had woken up from the cave's floor. -Emrys is awake." a small, familiar voice said. Goosebumps ran up his back. He knew that voice. _

_Mordred._

_A sting of panic. Last time he had seen the boy...he had tried to put a spell on Camelot and his magic had been revealed.  
_

_He opened his eyes. Mordred was standing in front of him, staring with his deadly blue eyes. -Wh..where am I?" he had whispered, a sharp pain on his forehead._

_-It doesn't matter. It matters where are you going to be." Mordred said without any emotion. Merlin's head swam apparently because of the hard hit he had received to his head. His vision was blurry and everything twisted and turned strangely. He struggled against his bounds. -Don't worry, Emrys. The tights are magical and you have been given a liquid that will make you easy and relaxed." the boy said like he was talking about the weather._

_Merlin had closed his eyes. -Wh..y?" he muttered. _

_-The prince does know about your magic, doesn't he? And King Uther too. Quite impressive, Emrys. You have all of the royal family on their knees before you. Not many magical beings can say the same. The word has spread like a plague: Uther has a sorcerer in his court. An exception, Arthur's right hand. The secret protector of Camelot. Or not so secret anymore. The only one Uther has ever spared."_

Merlin's eyes cracked open. Sweat was forming and his heart took pace. He turned around in his bed, but he couldn't feel safe. He couldn't feel safe in here. Camelot.

_When he had woken up the second time, he had been alone. He was in a cave, lying on the floor, that was everything he knew. There were adult druids walking around, and they had covered their faces. Merlin tried to struggle and let out a spell against his bounds, but it didn't bring any effect; it seemed like the bounds just spat his magic backwards._

_Merlin gasped in sorrow. _Arthur. _He feared for the prince's life. For what he had time to see, he had crashed against a rock, and his head had been badly bleeding. He hadn't moved. _Please be alright. Please.

_Hours passed. Days passed. He lost the track of time. He didn't know whether it was a day or night. He didn't sometimes know whether he was concious or unconcious; they were all the same. _

_Then, after a very long time, Mordred had come to him again. -What do you want from me?" Merlin had said, as loudly as he could. Mordred had looked surprised. -Nothing. I'm not interested in you. No. You're just a hinderance in my way...I think we both know who am I interested in. He saved my life once."_

_Merlin shook his head and let out a weak sob. -No. What has Arthur ever done to you?"_

_Mordred tilted his head. His haunting, emotionless eyes didn't even blink. -Haven't you heard the prophecies?"_

_One tear escaped Merlin's eye. -The one where you kill him?"_

_Mordred smiled. _

_Cold chills crept again on Merlin's back. -Yes, that one too. But the most important one. Hasn't that dragon pet of yours told you?"_

_Merlin looked at the boy, panicked. The boy smiled again. -Oh, I see."_

_-What is it?" Merlin shouted as loud as he could, tears now welling. Mordred didn't even blink. -There is no need for you to know about it. Instead, I have a task for you."_

_Merlin stared the boy, shocked. -No. I won't do anything that you want."_

_Mordred leant closer. Merlin could feel the power pulsing in the air from the boy. Mordred came very near, and his cold dead eyes stared him without any emotion. -Of course not. But you will do it because _you_ want to."_

_Merlin had just time to stare the boy with wide eyes before his eyes turned to gold and Merlin screamed in agony._

He shot up in the bed and rushed away from his room. He couldn't do this. His heart was thundering in his ears and the urge to get away was unbearable.

Merlin ran outside to the icy air, gasping air to his lungs. His breaths turned to smoke and his bare feet ached for the icy ground under them, but he just slid down to the snowy ground, buried his face in his hands and cried.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi!**

The amount of story alerts is really stunning, thanks so much! I love all the reviews, they keep me going. Here's chapter ten.

Story: Damages (Chapter ten)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Ortheus stood next to Arthur's bed. -Sire, you have a slight fever and your heartbeat is a bit unsteady. But as restless I am for this, I can't say what is bothering you."

Arthur sighed frustratedly, sitting on his bed against the pillows. -Isn't it a cold?"

Ortheus shook his head. -The symptons you have do not follow any pattern, Sire. The nosebleeds, the fever, the dizziness and tiredness, the headaches. I am very sorry but there isn't any specific sickness that would cause this."

Arthur crossed his arms. -Well can't you figure it out?" he sighed to the physician. Ortheus looked pained. -I am trying my best, Sire. Until I find something, you need to rest and stay in bed. No exceptions."

Arthur sighed. -Fine." Then Ortheus started to leave. -I will come back later this evening, Sire. And the King asked me about your wellbeing, so I will raport him about this."

Arthur huffed. _So he didn't bother to come here himself? _He thought, a bit hurt. -Thank you, Ortheus. Please send someone for Merlin. " he said, and the physician nodded his head, bowed, and left.

Arthur stared into a wall. A week ago, he had been fine. _First the tiredness. Then the dizziness. Then headaches. Nosebleeds. _Then yesterday, he had just collapsed. His knees just didn't carry him.

Uther had seen it. He had carried his son himself back to the chambers, and what Arthur had heard, he had been panicked and angry. Arthur felt secretly good about it. _He still cares._

But he couldn't find the reason for this. He had been_ fine. _Sure, he had been hurt at the attack, but...He had been alright already. And now suddenly he had just got sick or something like that.

He shook his head.

But the worst thing was Merlins' continuing absence. He came and went as Arthur asked, did the few task the prince gave him, but otherwise he was gone. Once or twice Arthur had visited Merlin in Gaius' old chambers, but Merlin said he was busy or tired. The widening gap between them was paining Arthur. More than his own condition.

Weirdest thing was that now when he was ill, Merlin kept away from him as much as possible. It hurt Arthur. He knew Merlin cared. Deeply. So why did he always leave?

And Merlin's face had been like a mask. He seemed to be like a sleepwalker. He never rambled on some nonsense like he used. He was quiet, serious and...fearful? And always when Arthur had had some sympton, and a lot of them had happened while Merlin had been present. Merlin had been always very panicked.

It was the only time the mask dropped. At those moments, Merlin seemed hurt, panicked, worried...and guilty. Arthur couldn't ignore it. Merlin looked _guilty._

Why on Earth would _Merlin_ looked guilty? Arthur knew exactly that Merlin would _never ever _hurt him on purpose, any way or situation.

Time to time Merlin had froze in to place, eyes glassy and seeing nothing. Arthur had tried every single way he could to get him to talk. But every time Merlin turned them down. And also, Merlin didn't use his magic at all.

It had become so natural part of their day as Merlin normally did his chores with the aid of his magic. It wasn't like it would matter if he got seen. The prince had got used to the flying objects and moving furniture and learnt how to move away from them. Merlin could sharpen his battlesword at the other side of room and clean the rest of the room without glancing up. In the beginning Arthur had just stared the extraordinary sight. He could never stop wondering how his friend could concentrate on so much. As it turned out, Merlin didn't really need to concentrate at all. For what he had explained to the prince, moving objects was something that he could do without spells as it had come natural so many years. The objects didn't even whack the prince to the head, somehow all of them avoided hitting him.

But after a while, the whole thing became an everyday routine so there was nothing really unusual about it. But now when it was completely missing? It just lay emphasis on the deepening distance between them.

It was strangeling feeling. Arthur had feared for Merlin's life for many times...but never this. With Merlin...The distance was _unnatural_. Merlin had been always the one who had the closeness more natural. Arthur had never been that good with emotions and expressing them, but...with Merlin he had slowly learnt how to be himself. Their friendship was deep, bound together by life and death, magic and power...by destiny.

Surely destiny couldn't go wrong?


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey again!**

I'm glad that you are sticking with me here.=) It took time, but now I give you some action. Hope I'm keeping up some suspense.

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter eleven)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin stood alone in front of an empty fireplace. Two weeks had passed since he had been brought back to Camelot. Two weeks of avoiding the prince. Avoiding the subject that was ripping a hole to his heart.

Arthur was sick. _Very _sick.

At first Merlin hadn't been sure. He had doubted it all. He had doubted that it wasn't real. He was still having nightmares, but...now he had one on his hands.

Arthur had not sufferest just headaches, nosebleeds and dizziness; he had also suffered from fever and unsteady heartbeat. Merlin felt the agony forming a big lump in his throat. _I can't go on like this._

Arthur is _dying._

He had tried to deny it. He had refused to see the symptons. He had been away from Arthur as much as he could. He couldn't stand watching the prince's lifeforce fading...

The last straw had been the day before. After a week spent in bed, Arthur had become stubborn enough to try and walk around a little. Merlin had of course been there. Also when Arthur had fallen to the floor.

Eyes closed. Nose bleeding. The pale face against the floor. His heart thundering in an unnatural pace.

Merlin had just slid down next to him to the floor and cried. Cried for helplesness, for worry.

_For complete helplessness. And guilt._

He hadn't even realized how long he had been there, praying for Arthur to get better. Praying for him to wake up, smile and make things like they used to. Praying that he could tell the prince the truth.

But he couldn't. He knew Arthur wouldn't get better. He knew that sooner or later, Arthur would die.

Merlin _needed_ to leave Camelot. And he knew exactly why.

_Mordred had been there, sitting next to him when he had woken up. Merlin had felt immediately different. He knew something had changed. -What did you do to me?"_

_Mordred tilted his head. -What was necessary."_

_Merlin looked up to the druid boy, with pleading eyes. -Please let me go."_

_Mordred seemed to be surprised. -Of course. Just when the liquid has gone out of your system, you're free to go."_

_-Wh...what? Why?" Merlin asked, stunned. _

_Mordred smiled so widely that Merlin winced. -Because you're ready now."_

_Merlin didn't want to ask. -For what?" and feared the answer._

_Mordred lifted a brow. -You really don't understand anything. I wonder if you are as powerful as the prophecies have foreseen."_

_-WHAT did you do to me?" Merlin spat, angry and scared._

_-Nothing really." Mordred said, and his lifeless malevolence made Merlin feel sick. -You see, Emrys, it's about what are_ you _going to do to prince Arthur."_

_Merlin swallowed. -I will never hurt him. No matter how you try." _

_Mordred sighed. -It's not you that will hurt him, Emrys. It's your magic that will."_

_Merlin stared the boy, shocked. -What...what do you mean?"_

_Mordred looked at Merlin, his eyes cold. -I infected your magic. It won't hurt you Emrys, don't worry. Because you know something? We all knew that no matter how we would threat you with death or torture, you wouldn't have bent to our will. But as you seem so keen on putting your life on the line for others...for Arthur to be exact."_

_Merlin felt like the agony and fear was pouring over. -I'm not letting you hurt him!"_

_Mordred shook his head, like he would have been bored. -No, no. I won't."_

_Merlin stared him, incredulous. -You...won't?"_

_Mordred shook his head. -No._ You _are going to. Your infected magic won't affect you, Emrys. On the other hand, it will slowly start draining prince Arthur...Starting with little things and then moving on. Like a plaque, like some rotting poison. You can't stop it: it's a curse. There are two things that will stop the process. If you decide to stay far away from the prince and leave Camelot forever; which you will probably not...or then your magic dies, you can be in the same room with him without indirectly killing him slowly."_

_Merlin closed his eyes. -My magic dies?" he whispered._

_-And only way that is possible...is if I take it from you. But you are rather powerful. I can't rip it out from you without killing you and myself. So, I need you to give it to me. Question: will you do it now or later? Kill yourself or Arthur? Or spare both? Decide spending the eternity alone in some forsaken lands, and just wait before I finish the prince off myself while you're not there to protect him? "_

_Tears strolled down on Merlin's cheeks. -You can't do that. Please..."_

_Mordred just tilted his head and smiled eerily. He was quiet for a long time. -The Old Religion talks about the druid Mordys who was the most powerful sorcerer in the world...Ripping the magic from the most strongest magical being there was: Emrys. With his own powers ignited to Emrys'...He would be like a god."_

_As everything now clicked in to their places, Merlin stared the druid boy with aghast. _

Merlin snapped out of his memories in the chambers, as he bolted in front of the cold empty fireplace. He moved away and started to pack his things up. _I will not let Arthur die. No matter what, I won't let him. It's better if I leave. Eternity alone is better than endangering Arthur._

At the same time in the prince's chambers, Arthur had already sent few servants and guards to get Merlin, but none of them had returned. He shook his head, frustratedly. _Have you put a sleeping spell on all of them? Why can't you just come here...and talk for God's sakes!_

He feared for Merlin.

The two previous days, Merlin had barely visited him. Mostly Arthur was asleep because of his condition, but...Merlin hadn't talked to him properly for a week! He knew something was seriously, threateningly wrong, just like he had sensed from the very start. He felt like he had a time bomb ticking on his hands without knowing why.

Merlin looked bad. He was pale, he had lost more weight, he had dark rings under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and that he would soon do something radical. Arthur knew something bad would happen soon._ Something very bad._

That's why, against all of Ortheus' and Uther's orders, he pulled himself up from the bed and refusing to feel the dizziness, he headed out from his chambers and towards Gaius' old chambers.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello!**

Thank you for awesome reviews and commenting on Mordred's plan. Quite tricky, isn't it? =) Well, here's the chapter that I've been waiting to post. Please tell me what you think.

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter twelve)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

As Arthur reached Gaius' old chambers, he found two servants and one guard sleeping on the ground. _Just what I feared. Why put them to sleep, Merlin? _

He couldn't think the thought through, so he just decided to ignore them all and so he stepped into the room.

It was abandoned.

Arthur knew that it was, because he had been visiting the room so often after Gaius' passing.

And things were now...cleaned up. Organized. One thing Merlin never spent time with. Arthur knew instantly that something was wrong. His heart took pace. He knew it wasn't a good sign considering his overall condition, but he shouldn't care. The panic was rising. Merlin had left the room.

Merlin had _left. _Suddenly a heavy lump formed into the prince's throat and his breathing got harder. All of the bad signs. _The absence. The haunting silence. Sorrow, quietness..._

It all clicked to Arthur right now._ I won't let you leave. Not after everything. There is nothing so bad that you should leave. _

Arthur turned around like a thunder and rushed to the corridor. He passed few corridors, time to time catching his breath as it got harder and harder to get going. After a while, just by amazing luck, he saw Merlin walking with a backpack in the outer corridor. Arthur thanked his timing.

-Merlin!" Arthur shouted.

Merlin froze to place. He couldn't believe whose voice he was hearing. _No no no. You certainly shouldn't be up. And you shouldn't know about this._..

He turned around, in panic. The prince walked towards him, looking pale. A sting of guilt washed over him._ Don't come near to me._

Could he really leave Camelot and Arthur: turn his back to the destiny itself?_ There is no other way. Mordred gave me no choice. Arthur needs to live. He needs to become a king. If I'm here...he'll die. No matter what I will decide, right now I need to leave and fast. _

Merlin swallowed back tears. It had been so hard decision to leave, but having to face his closest friend..._I can't do this. _

Arthur reached him. He had small pieces of cold sweat on his forehead. He didn't look so good. Arthur came next to him, waving his arms in the air, looking something between angry and disbelieving, voice loaded with emotion. -Merlin? _What _are you doing?"

_I wish I could tell you. I wish I wouldn't need to do this. _-I'm leaving, Arthur." Merlin said, trying to sound emotionless.

Arthur tilted his head and his brows furrowed. -You are_ leaving_?"

For a moment there was a shocked silence as the words sank in.

-What the hell is wrong with you, Merlin? I've been trying to squeeze something out from you, anything, that could tell me why you are acting like this. But you don't talk to me and then suddenly you're LEAVING?"

_I need to leave. It will be harder if I let my emotions take over._ Merlin had to take a sip of air and force his emotions to the background. -I'm sorry. But I won't change my mind." he said looking to the ground. Merlin swallowed and he turned around. But Arthur was faster. Just when he was taking the first step, the prince grabbed Merlin's healthy arm and yanked him backwards. He was still impressingly strong despite his weak condition.

Arthur looked hurt and confused. -You're sorry? No, Merlin, I don't want to hear you're sorry, I want to hear what is wrong? I'm not stupid, you know. I know something happened during those three weeks. Something you are not telling me. It was something bad because lately, you don't seem to be yourself. And it's the reason you're leaving."

_You're right. I knew you were worrying about me and that I couldn't fool you...But I can't tell you. You would never let me leave. And if I told you the truth, you wouldn't stop searching for me..._

And he remembered Mordred saying something...something he knew he was forced to do.

_He had looked up to the cold druid boy, desperate, __ trying to convince Mordred that he couldn't give his magic away. __-But I can't tell Arthur what you are about to do to me and leave Camelot! Arthur will never let me! If I just leave the city, he'll follow me. I can't tell the truth."  
_

_But Mordred didn't seem to have any compassion. -Well then. Make sure he won't come after you."_

Merlin was sure he couldn't do it. He couldn't just...brake it all like a fragile wine glass, crushing it under his heel. But he knew he had to. And no matter how much he hated himself for doing it, he knew it was the only way to...make sure Arthur wouldn't follow him and try to bring him back to Camelot.

So with all his effort, Merlin forced an angry face. -There wasn't really anything that bad happening. The druids just made me realize few things."

Arthur looked confused and the grip from Merlin's arm tightened. -They told you lies?"

-No. They told me the truth." Merlin took a deep sip of air and tried to harden his heart to say the next words:

-Arthur, we will never be equal. You are going to be king. In everyone eyes, I'm just a country boy, your servant who mucks the stables and polishes your boots, nothing more. I can't stay."

Arthur looked furious and even more confused...and a bit desperate. -What? You are not less worth than me...You are the most powerful sorcerer this Earth had carried, Merlin. You can't claim that you would be any lower than I am. And why would you even do so? You have never cared about my status since the day we met!"

_Don't make me do this. Please just let me go. _But Merlin knew that Arthur wouldn't buy that. So he tried to find the words that would break the prince. He almost wanted to spit out the truth and all his desperation, but he refused. He had to brake their bond, their friendship.

There was the only one thing that would crush it. One thing he had long time ago swore that he'd never say.

And as much as Merlin hated himself, despised himself for what he would say, he gathered all of his venom and hatred he could feel and spat: -You know the real reason I never told you about my magic was because I didn't trust you. I was certain that you would turn your back to me and let me burn at the stake. Well guess what Arthur? That's _exactly_ what you did. And I would've burnt that day if I hadn't drank the poison! I would've died because of _you_ were too much of a coward. And by the way, it's your fault that Gaius died!"

Arthur's face turned to look completely hurt and broken...He paled to white. Merlin's heart broke the second he saw the hurt in the prince's eyes. 

_Oh my God. How could I have said that. Oh God. I'll never forgive myself..._

Arthur's fingers lost the grip from around Merlin's arm and his hand fell limply to the side. The prince's eyes watered and he just stared Merlin, shocked. -Y-you...don't mean that." prince whispered, voice breaking. He had never sounded so vulnerable.

Merlin felt like something died inside of him, and it took _everything_ that he could force an emotionless expression on his face. Everything. -Yes I do, Arthur. And I wish I had never even met you."

And with those words, Merlin turned his back to the prince, because he couldn't look at those blue, broken eyes any second longer without breaking in pieces and revealing his true emotions.

He couldn't breathe. Merlin tried to gather himself, to keep it together just for a little while. His hands shook violently and he had to squeeze them together. He felt Arthur's broken glance at his back, like burning holes to it with the agony._ I'm so sorry Arthur. I'm _so _sorry. _

Merlin didn't even know how, but he was slowly walking away. He didn't know how on Earth could he do this. Tears were pouring down his cheeks now that he didn't need to pretend anymore._ I'm so sorry, Arthur...I didn't mean a thing I said._

Merlin cried helplessly but mutely as he walked to the end of the corridor, somewhere in the back of his mind hoping that Arthur would stop him. To come after him, see that he hadn't really meant a word. That he really that his back had been slammed against a wall and he had been cornered, forced, to do this. That he had no other choice. But the prince didn't follow. And Merlin knew why. He had just crushed their friendship to million pieces.

The corridor was eerily silent. The only thing that could be heard was Merlin's soft footsteps in the icy marble. The distance that was growing between them as Merlin was walking away, couldn't be compared to the distance that had just cracked and ripped them apart.

Merlin couldn't drew a breath. He was afraid that it could smash his facade. His mute tears were pouring and the sadness was like a pressure against his lungs, making it hard to breathe. Merlin got out from the castle, and walked through the city all the way to the gates, seeing nothing as the hot tears were making everything blurry. As soon as he reached the first trees of the forest, his knees buckled and he collapsed to the ground. He dared to drew a breath. It didn't feel like it could make the air come back to his body.

There on the forest floor, Merlin cried so helplessly that he was sure his heart would stop.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello you all!**

So, pretty heavy stuff last chapter, or "cruel" and "mean" like some of you said in the reviews. =) It was a bit harsh, yes, but you all know why Merlin did it. But on the other hand, Arthur didn't. So, in this chapter, I'll give you some Arthur.

We are getting those damages, little by little, right? =) Well, there is more to come if you are just interested enough to read it.=)

Please review and tell me how am I keeping it together?

Enjoy!

Story: Damages (Chapter thirteen)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur didn't know what time of the day it was.

It didn't matter.

It wouldn't make any difference.

He was lying on his bed. There had been two days since Merlin had left Camelot.

_Two days._

Arthur refused to open his eyes when he heard Ortheus talking to his father. -He's miraculously healing. There haven't been any nosebleeds, dizziness or fever. His heartbeat is steady. Only a slight headache is left from the decease he was suffering."

-So my son is going to be alright?" Uther asked, sounding relieved.

_I don't care. _

-Yes, I'm certain of it." Ortheus said.

_I don't care.  
_

Arthur bit his lip. Fortunately his back was turned, so Uther or Ortheus couldn't see he was awake.

-He's just sleeping now, which he is doing a bit surprisingly much, but he is probably just recovering from the sickness. And that's a good thing, my lord." Ortheus said.

_Leave me alone. _Arthur gritted his teeth. _I don't want to see anyone. _

Soon, the king and the physician left the room. Arthur buried his face to the pillow. The slow suffocating sofness made breathing harder; but technically, he had been trying to find air again for two days now. Because the prince felt like the ground had disappeared underneath his feet.

He felt like he was underwater, the pressure about to crush his chest. His heart might be beating steadily, but he felt like it had stopped. The silence was uncomfortable, strangeling...

_"-You know the real reason I never told you about my magic was because I didn't trust you. "_

At first, Arthur had refused to believe what had happened. He couldn't comprehend_ why. _Merlin's eyes had been full of venom, full of hate...An angry, sad, bitter stranger. It wasn't _Merlin_. Because Merlin was never bitter. It couldn't have been Merlin. _It couldn't._

Or had it?

Had Merlin, all this time, thought all the things he said? All the things...

Worst part was that he knew everything Merlin had said was true.

Merlin hadn't _trusted_ him. He had always feared that Arthur would let him burn. The prince's thoughts fled back to the days a year ago. He could remember the shock. The denial. The feeling of betrayal. But also, the guiltiness.

_He would have been led to the stake, if he hadn't drank that poison..._

He knew he couldn't have let Merlin burn. He couldn't have. But Arthur felt the slight feeling of suspicion. _Would I? Would I've just...watched..._

He didn't know. He refused to suspect it. Things would have ended up so differently. _No. Of course you wouldn't let him burn. You were going to stop it. You were going to save him. Only thing that you just were too late._

Arthur still had to shiver from the nightmare-like memories from the moments in the dungeon.

_"-I was certain that you would turn your back to me and let me burn at the stake. Well guess what Arthur? That's exactly what you did."_

But he had come to the dungeons. He had.

Arthur fought back the emotions trying to squeeze the air out of him._ I wouldn't have let you die. You should know that. I would never let you...burn...for God's sakes. No matter angry I might've been...I wouldn't have been able to stand there and watch...I came to save you. I don't know how I would have done it but...I would've saved you...  
_

Had Merlin thought all this time that he would have let him get killed back then? Didn't he trust him _at all_? Hadn't his rash actions proved anything to Merlin?

Arthur took deep breaths. They turned into hot touch against his pillow. But he was cold. Colder than the winter outside.

_"-And by the way, it's your fault that Gaius died!"_

It was true. Gaius had died because of him. It was his fault. He had been stupid to think his father could change his mind. He had been stupid to endanger Merlin and let Gaius die. It had pained him every day to see Merlin leave at the evening, knowing that his mentor wasn't there when Merlin would reach the chambers. Alone. _I know it's my fault. And I can never make it up for you.  
_

But when Merlin had said it aloud, the scars he had carefully grown were ripped apart again. _It's my fault. He blames me for causing Gaius' death. He hates me. He has hated me all this time. He just tried to hide his bitterness because of me. Why were you so stupid Arthur, when you thought that for once, you might have one true friend? Why did you think that you could treat them right? _

Arthur hit his fist to the wall. He couldn't sense the pain. It was like an insect's bite compared to everything that was twisting his insides.

Why? Why did this happen? Why did Merlin have to be a sorcerer and his father a tyrant who slayed his kind? Why was he left in the between? Why Merlin hated him? _Why?_

_"-I wish I had never even met you."_

Finally, the tears Arthur had been holding all this time, broke free. The tears he had been holding back for two days now.

He felt he had failed everyone in his life. His father, for being a disobeying son and protecting a sorcerer. Gaius, for letting him get killed. And Merlin...

_Merlin_...for endangering his life over and over again and treating him like...like he wouldn't mean a thing for him. But he _did_. Making Merlin feel like he was explandable, worthless...alone. When he certainly _wasn't._

For being a coward._  
_

Worst of all, he had failed himsef. He had _really _tried. He had tried to overcome the wall he had built around himself. He had tried to be a friend. He had tried to express his feelings, tried to do the things he had thought was right. For so long he felt safe being emotionless, distant...And for this once he had let someone near...

He was nothing. _I've betrayed everyone. I only make people around me suffer and hate me. How can I ever be a king? _

After the poisoning, he had been sure that Merlin and he were unconditionally friends. Not any status or secrets between them. They have grown so close. Merlin was his most loyal and closest friend...

And he had failed him. Merlin had wished that he hadn't even met the prince_. Even met_...

Merlin had left Camelot. For good. And it all was his fault. Everything bad happening around him was his own fault.

Arthur had suffered from pain in his life, but this pain, gripping his insides, was unbearable. Because even when his body was recovering, inside he felt like rotting. It felt like the hatred like his father's would be easier than the pain. Maybe he could hate magic again, and burn the ones who practised it. He could hate again because having empathy, consciense and feeling guilty was so much harder. Hating everyone was so much easier than wanting to be loved.

He wasn't capable of caring about someone else beside himself. That's what the people had whispered all through his teenage years. Maybe it was true. Maybe it was the reason Merlin had hated him.

So. He could become like his father. Uther. He could let the hatred consume him, to make his heart turn to stone. Where no one could intrude. Maybe it was the best feature a king could have; being careless about a single people, just thinking about the higher good.

Tears stained the pillow. He tried to swallow them back. Future kings don't cry.

He would try to become the king his father had always wanted him to be. He wouldn't care about some stupid little sorcerers who ever made you think otherwise.

Arthur smashed his broken hand to the wall again, hearing it crack. He felt nothing.

And for a moment, he wished the same_. I hope we would have never met. I wish that I never knew you._


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey!**

I'm impressed how much you all reacted to my last chapter. Seriously, I always have the feeling that I can't really bring out any emotions to my stories, or to their readers despite how heavy themes I sometimes have. That's why the reviews just amaze me, and make me unbelievably happy and grinning like an idiot! So thank you all very much and keep it please coming.=)

Well, let's get into the story. Last chapter you got Arthur, now I'm giving you Merlin.

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter fourteen)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

The sky was black. It was in the middle of a night, somewhere near the border of Mercia. Merlin sat in the ground against a rock, the blue light of the winter night surrounding him like ice. He felt like he had frozen. The wind made small amounts of snow dance in the air eerily.

The wind blew to his face and the old tearstreams had frozen to his cheeks. Merlin could hardly breathe. He could barely move. He could barely...barely be, exist.

It had been three days now. Three days away from Camelot. He felt like he had grown together with the winter: cold, rough, emotionless, dead. He knew he was freezing, he just couldn't notice it. His breaths turned into blue thick smoke, that swirled slowly in the air. Like the time had stopped.

Merlin let his head fall against the rock. He missed his mother. He missed Gwen. He missed Gaius. And he missed _Arthur. _

The name made his stomach twist. He missed Arthur. His uncomfortable jokes, his teasing about Merlin's swords skills, their friendly banter while Merlin was cleaning the room with magic. He missed the way they would sit in front of the fire, just talking or sharing silence. He missed the way Arthur stopped by to Gaius's old chambers, making sure he wasn't feeling alone. And the way the prince would never admit aloud that was the reason he did.

Merlin closed his eyes tightly.

He still hoped that the prince would come after him and make him return to Camelot. _But you won't. _

Because deep down...Arthur was insecure. He didn't think that much of himself. Merlin had always known that...The arrogance, the occasional selfishness - they were really because Arthur couldn't understand how good-hearted he was. Merlin had tried to make the prince see that he was really so different from Uther. The decisions Arthur had made, despite the way Uther had treated him after them, had shown so much courage.

Arthur had made his own choices: refusing to marry a woman that he didn't love, protecting a sorcerer and going against everything Uther believed in. Merlin had always imagined that Arthur was much more like his mother, Ygraine. Because even if he didn't say it aloud, Arthur was nothing like Uther.

Arthur would be a great king, because he really _cared_ about people. He had just a bit unique way of showing it sometimes, but...he cared.

Years and years of Uther making Arthur feel like he was a disappointment to his father had fed that insecurity in the prince. It was horrible. Even if Arthur wanted to people believe that he was harsh, independent and strong-willed future king, Merlin had seen the other side of it. There had been moments that Arthur had shown so much unselfishness and being ready to sacrifice himself for his people, and for the people he loved...

_It's just because of that uncertainty in you which made you believe every word that I said._

It was horrible, but it was true. Merlin felt like a traitor. He knew Arthur so well that he had used his weak points against him...hurt him in the worst possible way.

It had almost smashed Arthur's mind to pieces when he had drank that poison a year ago: the prince couldn't handle the guiltiness. The guilt for thinking Merlin would've taken his own life because of him.

But this? Making Arthur think that he...hated him...was something unforgivable. Blaming him for Gaius' death...Merlin loathed himself. He had betrayed Arthur's trust once again.

_I just make everyone miserable with my lies and pretending...From the very start. It would have been better if I had born without magic. It would have been better for everyone._

All the people who had died because of him. Gwen's father Tom, his own father Balinor, Freya, Will... Everyone he had loved and cared about. Only his mother and Arthur were left.

Merlin pressed his eyes tightly and squeezed his fingers around the wound on his arm. For a fleeding moment he thought about letting it just bleed...

But then he denied it as an act of giving up. The gust of wind made his eyes water. _I would never hate you Arthur. I couldn't do that even when I was down on the dungeons waiting for the execution and you did nothing to stop it...Even then. _

_We have gone through too much together. We are bound together by destiny._

And that bond demanded that he wouldn't give his magic to Mordred. He couldn't. Because after that Mordred would be...like a god like the boy had put it. Unbeatable. He could do whatever he wanted and no one could stop it. Because even now, Mordred was scaringly powerful. What would he become with his own magic united to it?

_Mordys._

And Merlin didn't like the sound of that.

Merlin wasn't even sure if it was possible to just rip the magic away. He knew his magic was strong and a part of him. Would he...survive? Could he even live without his magic? Could it be drained from him, just like that? Merlin took another breath and watched as it turned to smoke.

_Why did I end up in this situation? Can't things, for just once, be fine?_

The agony was strangeling his throat. What should he do? There wasn't an option that would end up alright with everything. He needed Gaius now, more than ever, to give him some advice. Merlin swallowed as he knew that there was only one who could help him. The only one that knew the bets and he could tell the truth to. So, he let his eyes turn gold and with ancient language, he called Kilgarrah.

It took for awhile, but the dragon came, flapping its great wings together and making the soft snow dance around him. Slowly, the dragon landed and after a short silence, it spoke: -What for do I owe the pleasure now, Merlin?" the dragon asked, as Merlin didn't bother even to stood up. -I need your help." Merlin answered quietly. Kilgarrah's echoing voice sounded sarcastic. -It isn't certainly the first time, young warlock."

Merlin was too tired and too afraid that he wen't straight into it. -Do you know what happened?" The dragon lowered its head and stared deep into Merlin's eyes. -Yes, because this is the first pages of the old prophecy that has not yet to come."

Merlin's glance hardened to incerdulous. -So you knew about it all the time?" he shouted. The dragon looked a bit unpleased. -Don't take your anger on me, Merlin. You wanted my help, so what is it?"

Merlin took a troubled breath. _Fine. Time is running out. He just might be able to help. _ -My magic is infected and its presence is killing Arthur." he said, and his voice broke. -Can it be fixed?"

The dragon tilted its head slightly. With a calm voice, it answered: -I can not help you with it, Merlin, as it is a curse. If the magic is infected, it stays that way until it dies. And the only way for it to die, is if you die or the magic leaves your body. The druid boy have not lied to you."

_No. There must be a solution for this._

Merlin closed his eyes. -What can I do? If I return to Camelot, Arthur will die. If I keep away from the city, Arthur is unprotected from the druids and everyone else who wants him to die. And if I give my magic to Mordred, he'll become ruthless and unimaginably powerful. Mordys."

If dragon's could twitch, then Kilgarrah twitched for the last word. Merlin looked up, worried. -What?"

The dragon looked slightly away from Merlin. Its voice was deep and low. -Mordys...The name means 'god of magic' or a 'holder of the magic'. It's an ancient name in an ancient prophecy that has been told hundreds of years before neither of you were born."

A nasty feeling washed over Merlin._ That can't be good. This is just amazingly crazy and twisted...and wrong. _

Merlin tried to take a calming breath. -Does that mean that it is going to happen, then? That Mordred will become Mordys, if it was foreseen so many years ago?"

The dragon watched the young warlock with sympathy. -You will have to make great choices. Each one of them leads to different destiny."

Merlin looked up, now getting angry. -Is that all you can say? Talk with riddles? I can figure that much out myself, thank you!" but then his rage dropped and he shook his head.

Then he whispered: -If I give my magic to Mordred...will I survive it?"

Kilgarrah was silent for a very long time. Merlin looked up to see an unreadable expression on the dragon's eyes. -I can not say. Remember that you just don't have magic, Merlin, you _are_ magic."

Merlin felt the agony gripping tighter.

_So there is a change I won't live through it?_

Kilgarrah sifted and his breathing turned to a small cloud of smoke. -Not every prophecy is unchangeable, Merlin. You can always turn its course with the actions you take."

Merlin stood up and looked up to the massive dragon before him. -Arthur hates me now. I can't tell him the truth, because whatever I would want to do, he wouldn't let me."

-I have said it before, and I will say it again: a half can not truly hate the part that makes it whole."

_But he does. Because I made him to hate me. Because I needed him to hate me, to let me go.  
_

A long silence. The blue light surrounded them. His heart thundering, Merlin looked up, now talking very calmly. -There are three roads here. Two of them leads to Arthur's death. It's just a matter of time. If I stay away from Camelot, Mordred finds another way to force me to give my magic to him."

He shook his head, helpless, looking to the dragon's wise eyes, like pleading. -I don't really have a choice."

The dragon lowered its head and stared Merlin deep into his soul. -It seems to me that the decision has been already made." Kilgarrah said, sounding emotionless.

Merlin looked away from the dragon's golden eyes. Cold shivers ran up his back, but they weren't because of the weather.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey you all!**

So, I got a bunch of interesting reviews. I really love the fact that very many of you make assumptions and theories what will happen and what could happen.

But also, because of one reviewI got, I'd just like to say that in my mind, this isn't slash. If you want to read it that way, go ahead, I won't mind, but when I write this, I see Merlin and Arthur as friends. =) Remember that this is a sequel for my story "Friendship called treason", and the events happened back then affected their friendship greatly. For a year now, they have been very close due Merlin poisoning himself on his execution day and Arthur thinking Merlin had died.

The fact that Arthur let Merlin so close after the whole poisoning made him also much more vulnerable.

But anyway, with anymore rambling, here's chapter fifteen.

**Please tell me** what you think.=)

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter fifteen)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur stood alone in the corner of the field, watching his knights train. He couldn't participate because he was still recovering.

He was calm. It had been a week already. Two days he had just stayed in his bed, doing nothing. Refusing to believe what had happened, and denying his emotions. And then when his father and Ortheus had gone, his composure had broken. He had broken his hand, this time on purpose.

But it was over now. He felt ashamed how emotional he had been. He was prince Arthur. He didn't show his emotions. He was efficient, distant. He treated everyone with a certain space between them and him. That's the way it had been for almost his whole life. Until...

The prince gritted his teeth._ You weren't worth of my tears. I shouldn't even care this much. I'm the future king of Camelot. And the future king shouldn't definitely been acting that openly towards a lowly servant. Not in any circustamces. _

He had always hid his feelings. He wasn't comfortable showing them. Until...that stupid servant had made him feel like it was alright and that it wasn't a sign of weakness to share some emotion.

Since he had been seven years old, he had cried just twice. The first time had been a year ago in the dungeons, finding his dying fri..servant. And the second time had been five days ago when he had broken down. He had had a breaking point, a weak moment. But only for a moment. Only for a short time, until he had got himself up from the bed and lifted his head high.

He was calm now. Calm and reasonable. Proud and royal.

It had been ridiculous. Crying over a servant? The future king of Camelot! Prince Arthur? He never cried, everyone knew that. He hardly showed any affection or even hatred. He was Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther, and Pendragons weren't emotional.

And they shouldn't be. Because they shouldn't care that much.

So. He had cried twice. But it wouldn't happen ever again. There was no need.

Arthur breathed the cold winter air in.

All of the emotions had settled: he wasn't sad. He wasn't feeling betrayed, lost or hurt. He was_ fine._

_Completely_ fine. Because there was no reason why he wouldn't be.

So, his manservant had left and he would be replaced soon. Why should he care? He had been just a servant.

Arthur lifted his chin higher. He would be Camelot's king. He was completely _fine_ with the fact that he would never get to marry a woman he loved and that he would never have friends. And he had _no need_ to have a wife he loved. He had _no need_ to have friends that he cared about and wanted to protect.

No need.  
He would be fine without that all. He was royal. His real destiny was to rule his kingdom. He didn't care.

_I am Arthur Pendragon. I've cried only twice because of that stupid sorcerer, and it will stay to that. I am calm and untouchable. I was acting ridiculous. Showing so much affection was childish._

He just felt ashamed that he had been so sentimental over it all. For a year, he had been completely lost. He hadn't been _himself_. He had clearly lost his mind for awhile, but now his eyes were open and he had recovered from being so squemish and sensitive.

Why should he care about lowly country people? He should sweep the floor with them.

From now on, he was back to his old self. He had acted like the time when he had been just a child and Uther had given him that one toy, which had different holes in it and you had to push the fitting pieces into them. For a short moment, he had been pushing the unfitting piece into a place it didn't belong. It hadn't fit. _He_ didn't fit. Because he couldn't define himself like normal people could. He had been stupid to think that he could change the shape of the pieces just by defying his father's beliefs.

Despite everything his servant and Guinevere had said many times, he wouldn't be that king who could "change things". Once, he had wanted it so much. Now, he had no reason to.

He didn't _want _to change things. Why should he?

He had just concluded few things about his servant. Firstly, he had seemed kind, caring, straightforward and a warm person. Everything _he_ was not. His servant had a lot of friends, acquintaces and people that cared about him...

_What did Arthur Pendragon have? A father that had always hated him and lied to him. A half-sister who had taken the dark side and was now his enemy. Desperate love to a maid that he could never marry. A friend...someone who liked him as a person, not as a prince. Someone who had liked him despite there was nothing to like about. He was needy, insecure, arrogant, selfish. _A prat. Clotpole. Dollophead.

Stop_. You're over with this already._

_You don't care. It doesn't touch you anymore. He was never your friend. He was just an annoying, unqualified servant that lied to you for years. _

He took a deep breath. Time to time he had these small floods of stupid thoughts and memories, but he was getting better to reject them. Merlin had been _wrong. _He was the sorcerer who broke Camelot's laws and had made Arthur choose between him and his father. He was a liar, pretender, a worthless servant that had been rather amusing time to time, but now had left Camelot.

And he didn't _care_.

Arthur Pendragon had no _friends. _Even the thought was so ridiculous that he should laugh at it. He had _knights_. And they would be the closest thing to a friend. That's how it always had been, and that's the way it should be.

The knights were training effectively, and Arthur blamed himself for not paying attention enough. He huffed despisingly at himself: he had been wasting his time to think about completely unnecessary things.

He walked a bit further and shifted his hand carefully. Ortheus had said that it was broken from three places now, and that he shouldn't use a sword at least in two months. And Arthur would take the advice only because he knew that if his hand didn't feel properly, he could never fight agains as well as before.

_Stupid. I smashed my already broken hand into a wall just because I lost my composure? Idiotic._

The winter was getting even colder and the people in the further villages had some troubles with it. Food shortage, diseases. No one should go out from the town of the villages on their own. Besides bandits, there were hungry animals like wolves...

Arthur suffocated the slight worry again. _You don't care. There is no one out in the cold lands that you should feel worried about. _

A slight anger crossed his awareness. He suffocated it too.

The knights were finished now, and they were all collecting their swords and shields and heading back to the castle. Arthur shouted few comments to them, before turning toward the castle. He started walking, his feet making the snow let out funny noises. He looked up to the highest towers of the city and admired the beaty of them.

But then very suddenly, he felt a familiar feeling. It was a flash in a second._ Merlin. _It was the only thing he could form in his mind before a painful wave hit over his body. Like a nausea spreading as fast as lightning, making his breathing paralyze and his head scream in pain. His whole body twisted in a sick, painful way, and his eyesight blackened.

But it lasted only one heartbeat, only one second, and then it was gone as fast as it had came.

It was gone. He was alright. Nothing was wrong. There weren't any mark or even a feeling of it anymore. It was gone.

Arthur took a quick breath. His heart started thundering. He looked up, frantic, turned around. There was no one there. Sir Leon and Sir James just walked on his left. There was only the empty snow field.

A slight horror mixed to hope and worry took over. _Merlin. _

Arthur looked around in every direction, but he saw no one. But he had felt it.

Merlin's magic. He would recognize it anywhere and anytime. It was as familiar to him as his father's voice. He _knew _it. There was no chance of mistake in it.

He could hear his own bloodstream taking speed in his ears. Arthur tried to concentrate, tried to reach the feeling again. _Merlin._

-Sire? Are you alright?"

Arthur didn't even hear. He had just felt the presence of Merlin's magic. And he...he had...felt sick and pained...Just after it.

Merlin's magic had made him feel _sick._

He could almost hear the clicking sound in his head when the pieces of the puzzle were suddenly in place now.

Merlin's _magic_ made him _sick_.

_Merlin's_ magic made him sick.

Merlin's.

Sick.

Everything was as clear as water now. Arthur could see it now. Merlin had returned to Camelot, and he had fallen slowly ill. First the tiredness, then the nosebleeds...

He had been dying. Of course no one had sait it aloud, but he had known it.

_It can't be. Merlin wouldn't...He would never..._

The shock was ovewhelming. But he couldn't deny it. He remembered every weary look, every sigh, every glance that was turned away. The way Merlin had looked_ guilty._

_Guilty._

Because you could only feel guilty if you were the one responsible for something.

Merlin was responsible for it. He had been _dying._

-Sire? Should we get some help? Are you alright?"

Arthur gritted his teeth. His both fists, even the broken one, clenched into a fist and his breathing got very fast and shallow. The rage was boiling.

_Merlin you traitor! You weren't just happy to pretend like you would be my friend, no! You wanted me to get sick, to die. To die, for God's sakes. To die a slow death. You hated me so much and so deeply. And you...you stayed just because you wanted to watch. You low, sick traitorous worm. I curse your name and the very day we met. I should have let you burn! Should have watched as the flames would've burnt the flesh around your evil bones, smelt your body burning slowly. Should have watched you suffer a slow, painful death in front of whole Camelot. _

_Should smiled at you when you would've screamed for pain. When you would have looked up to look me into the eyes and scream for my help._

Arthur's fingers tore into his skin and small trails of blood flooded between his fingers.

-Sire, please, are you alright?"

Arthur turned his gaze into his knights. -Yes." He smiled. His knights were slighlyt frightened by the smile, before the prince continued: -I am more than fine. I've never been better. Actually, I think this is the first time in five years that I have been completely FINE!"

The knights stared at him with wide eyes, but bowed slightly. -S-sure, Sire. It-it's good to hear that." Sir James said, carefully.

Arthur smiled bitterly. -Isn't it? I feel like my eyes have been finally opened. The show is over. The biggest and the most believable show is over now. For a moment I really thought it had had something, even a fraction in it that been real, but now I realize it was just the perfect con." And after that, he laughed so loudly that his knights took a step back.

Arthur looked to the direction where Camelot's border was. -You hear me?" he almost shouted.

His knights glanced to each other, not knowing what to do. Their prince just stared to the horizon with fiery eyes, and then turned around to walk angrily towards the castle, fists still clenched.

There were small drops of red blood in the white snow where the prince had just stood.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey!**

So, I'm back again, now when everyone's angry at Arthur.=D

He's angry and stubborn and can't think clearly. Loved the way all of you really reacted to the last chapter, that it actually started to get angry at Arthur. Oh well, I'll give you some more.=D

How is this keeping it together? Please share your thoughts.=)

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter sixteen)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur was so angry. His thoughts were a hot, angry, fiery mess, mixed with the feeling of betrayal, sorrow and hurt. He didn't remember when he would have been this angry in his whole life. But he had suffocated the feeling. _I will not start this again._

He had forced to swallow all of it, because he had decided that he_ shouldn't_ care. He was in his chambers, and the fire had been lit. He sat in front of it. Honestly, Arthur didn't know what to think anymore.

After the knights' training in the fields, he couldn't form any comprehensive conclusions or even sentences. He was just so _angry. _

He couldn't deny that rage from himself, because if he wouldn't, he was sure that he'd explode. Arthur was still incredulous. Shocked. Stunned.

Because whatever he may have thought of Merlin, it wasn't _this_. Not in his wildest scenarios. Because no matter what Merlin had hid from him, what he had lied about, he had never used magic on him. Never. It was a unspoken rule.

Merlin could do anything he wanted with his magic. There was this only exception.

Arthur had never suspected that Merlin would actually do some harm to him if he'd use magic on him. But it was...forbidden. Sometimes Merlin had pulled some prank on him, like making his armor float in the air just above his reach and so on. But never magic that was actually directed to _him._

And THIS? This...harmful magic, this was aimed for killing him. Arthur couldn't even form a thought for it. He couldn't _understand_ that could be possible.

_Arthur._

The prince snapped from his thoughts, trembling, and looked around the room. There was no one there. Arthur looked around and furrowed. Maybe he had fallen asleep or...

_Arthur._

Now he jumped out of the chair. He was _sure_ he heard it now. Arthur pulled his sword out. But the voice was weird, echoing...He was sure he had heard it somewhere before. It wasn't a human voice.

And it called for him, making him feel curious about it. Like he would be drawn to it. Arthur looked out from the window and somehow knew that it was where he should go. Outside.

Very suspiciously, Arthur walked out from his chambers and to the corridor that led out from the castle. He could feel the strange force pulling him there, and he wasn't sure whether it was a good thing. This was something that he would have asked Merlin about. Merlin had gotten all those strange vibes time to time that had foreshadowed something magical. Arthur felt immediately how the memory made the rage boiling up again.

When the prince reached the secret gate in the right wing of the castle, he hesitated. He took a breath, tightened his grip from his sword and stepped outside the castle walls into a field.

He gasped. A huge dragon had landed on it, and was now staring at him with wide, golden eyes. _So much like Merlin's..._

_Wait. Merlin told about a dragon..._

Arthur rose his sword. His heart was taking pace. Of course he wasn't afraid of dragon that was hundred times bigger than him, but...Could this be the same dragon that had attacked Camelot? The one that Merlin had commanded...

-Good evening, prince Arthur."

Arthur's jaw could have dropped. _It talks? Merlin never mentioned this thing talks! _

-Yo-u...talk?" Arthur asked, incredulous.

The dragon chuckled._ That dragon just chukled. _-Of course I talk. How could I talk to you otherwise? You are not a magical being, Pendragon. I can not communicate you telepatchically. You are just a human."

Arthur glared the dragon, suspiciously. _How did he knew who I am? _But then he took a look at the beast in front of him. _ I am talking to a dragon. I'm not insane. This is normal. Dragons talk. And it hasn't tried to kill me yet. _

_Why am I here? _-Did _you_ call me?" Arthur asked, a bit confused. He wasn't sure what he should do. Try to kill it?

-Yes I did call you." the dragon said with its deep voice.

Arthur's brows furrowed. -Well can you be more accurate?"

The dragon shifted it's head and if a dragon could look amused, this dragon did. -You people, always so frustrated and hasty. You are almost as impatient as Merlin."

Arthur's stomach twisted unpleasantly. -Merlin?" he almost whispered. Suddenly it all clicked together. _The dragonlord Balinor. Merlin. Merlin's father. The dragon attacking Camelot..._

-You..." Arthur said pointing the dragon with wide eyes. -You are Merlin's dragon."

The dragon huffed despisingly and shifted its weight like it was hurt by the comment. -I am not Merlin's dragon. I am the Great Dragon, Kilgarrah, last of my kind, and Merlin is the last dragonlord."

Arthur couldn't do anything but to shake his head in disbelief. Here he was, outside the castle, speaking to a huge, talking dragon. Which Merlin seemingly could command. Well, of course he had known it, but he hadn't realized it was the exact same dragon that had attacked Camelot. And killed dozens of people.

Arthur's anger flashed, both towards Merlin and the dragon. -What do you want? Why did you call me here, dragon?"

The dragon's eyes got serious and dark. -I have come because of Merlin." it said, and the sadness in its voice made a lump form into Arthur's throat. Uncomfortable worry settled in, no matter how much the prince tried to reject it.

-Why? Did...did he sent you?" Arthur asked. He knew the second he asked that Merlin would never send a dragon to talk to him. It was just plain ridiculous. If he ever knew Merlin at all, this was a thing he would never do. But the realization made the uncomfortable feeling grow even more.

Kilgarrah looked akward. -I usually do not get involved into such great matters, but what you have going on here is much bigger than you or Merlin."

Arthur blinked. He didn't understand a word. How could a talking dracon be so inaccurate? -Excuse me?" he said, lifting his chin.

He still couldn't understand why he was talking to dragon, he felt like an idiot, which made it perfect for Merlin to be a dragonlord. Because this was_ idiotic. _Weren't dragons stupid? Merlin had claimed that they were not, but he wasn't that impressed right now. He had tried to kill the beast earlier. But he couldn't just turn his back now and leave...If the dragon had not come because Merlin commanded...

The dragon stepped closer and Arthur lifted his sword by instinct. -You don't need to use that, Pendragon." the dragon said, and the prince could hear a hint of anger and bitterness in its voice. Arthur believed it wasn't for the best to mention Uther right now.

The dragon sighed. -Merlin is taking a road here which leads to an unknown destination. I am not sure where this path goes, but I can sense it is not a good one."

Arthur lowered his sword and huffed bitterly. -He decided to leave Camelot." he spat. He couldn't hide the anger in his voice.

Kilgarrah looked at him, confused. Arthur didn't like how deep that glance seemed to sink. Like it could see straight into his soul. -You are angry, prince Arthur. You are angry and hurt."

Now Arthur was getting frustrated. -Oh really? Thank you for informing me."

-You are blinded by rage, young prince." the dragon said, with a sadness in its voice. Like it would have just realized something important.

Arthur didn't want to talk about it. And talking to a _dragon_ didn't help at all.

So he stepped a bit closer, like showing the dragon that he didn't fear it. He wanted answers. He was a prince, after all. With a proud and demanding voice he said: -So, besides talking some nonsense, what do you want from _me_?"

The dragon looked down to the prince, looking rather..._sad?_ -I have lived for many years, Arthur Pendragon. And these things that are happening now have been foreseen hundreds of years ago. Merlin and you have a destiny together. But now Merlin has taken a step into a different destiny. There is a prophecy about it. I can not see what lies behind it, and what consequences there will be, except one."

Arthur huffed despisingly. -And what could that be?" he asked, rather mockingly.

The dragon lowered it's huge head right next to the princes. It's pose was slumped, and the sadness in its eyes were unmistakable.

-It doesn't have Merlin in it." the dragon said very quiely.

Arthur's stomach twisted. He looked at the dragon, worry growing. -He's...he's not in it?" he said, unsure, claming the answer. Wanting to be perfectly sure that he had understood.

The dragon's eyes answered him. They were full of ancient sorrow. -No. I can see you in the prophecy, but Merlin Emrys is not in it. His part ends to the beginning of the prophecy."

Arthur felt an urge of worry taking over. _Merlin...is not in it...meaning...he isn't..._

His stomach twisted again, unpleasantly. His voice came out now as a whisper. -Which is?"

The dragon lift its head. -That I can not tell. But I think you know already, prince Pendragon. If you will give up the rage and start thinking clearly, you will see the truth right in front of you."

Suspicion, worry and fear settled in. Arthur swallowed. -Merlin...he can't..." But he couldn't finish.

No matter how much he could hate Merlin, he would never wish for this.

_Never._

_Ever._

He...He couldn't. Let that happen. He could still remember every feeling he had gotten a year back. The blackness...the capturing darkness that had blinded him. The...absence...

Suddenly all of his rage was gone.

-Where is he?" Arthur asked, voice shaking.

The dragon looked away. It didn't say anything, just kept still. -Answer me!" Arthur shouted, the slight shade of panic taking hold.

-Remember, Arthur Pendragon, that your destinies are entwined. But that bond can be broken if one of you takes a another path that leads to completely different destiny. And I am afraid that Merlin has taken that road."

-It...it was his choice." Arthur said quietly, so his voice wouldn't shake.

-It wasn't." the dragon said and spread its wings. Arthur stared at it, and felt the strong urge to stop it. He stepped closer. -What do you mean it wasn't? Tell me! You can't leave now!" he shouted. Partly demanding, partly pleading.

The dragon flapped its strong wings and rose few metres into the air. -I have set things in motion already. I can not involve into this anymore. It's in your hands how will this end. And you are going to take the next step, Arthur Pendragon. Which one will it be? " the dragon asked, and took speed with its wings.

Arthur had no time to say anything, as the wind made the snow dance everywhere around him, making it impossible to see or breathe for a few seconds. When he looked up again, the dragon was already disappearing to the horizon.

Arthur stood alone in the blue winter night.

_-It was his choice."_

_-It wasn't."_

Arthur turned his gaze into the horizon, towards the border of Camelot. He closed his eyes tightly. The prince took very slowly the cold winter air in, like inhaling would have suddenly become troublesome.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello again!**

I hope you are still interested in this story (and somewhat hooked as I was terrified to realize this has already seventeen chapters) and I'm building the tension right.

Please do_ review_.=) Because the reviews have been awesome! They keep me going, and if I keep on going, the update pace can be the same as before.=) Also, the critic about the characters, storyline, plot and language is very appreciated. Please share your thoughts about all of it.=)

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter seventeen)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin was walking towards the druid's camp. The problem was that after the druids had been attacked, they had moved their camp constantly, and bound it with spells and whispers that would mislead all of the attackers from it.

But Merlin couldn't be fooled by most of the spells, so he had a vague sense where the camp could be. He didn't even know whether Mordred would be there, because the boy had just said that he would find him if he wanted to.

Merlin really wasn't sure if he wanted to.

He really wished he'd have the time to say goodbye to his mother. Or Gwen. And his goodbye to Arthur hadn't really been...

Well, it hadn't been anything close to a goodbye. But sadly, that what it could become. If he would...die, at least Arthur could hate him. Because hating him would be so much easier than the grief. Maybe Merlin was selfish: sacrificing himself was easier than the possibility of Arthur dying. There was no future without Arthur.

Because Arthur could go on fine without him, but he couldn't do anything without Arthur that his destiny had foreseen. If Arthur never became a king, there would be no Albion. There would be none of the things that should._ Like magic returning to Camelot._

Merlin's heart ached when he wondered what conclusions Arthur had drawn from the way he had left Camelot. Had the prince tought that he hadn't considered Arthur as a friend? Had Arthur thought that...he hated him?

_Of course he did because you wanted him to. Of course he tried to comprehend why you were acting like that. He probably thinks something terrible..._

Merlin sighed, pained.

When he had poisoned himself a year ago, he had known he would make the prince suffer. He had felt guilty because of it and had hesitated for doing the whole thing. Arthur had felt guilty. Broken. But this time, it would be some much different. It would be about _hate_.

For all these five years he had known Arthur, they had faced many dangers and adventures together, and the whole poisoning brought them closer that they had ever been. For a year, Merlin had finally gotten to be himself, use his magic freely and protect Arthur and Camelot without the fear getting executed.

And it had felt _so_ good. Letting go of the fear that he could be murdered in his sleep because of what he was. Letting go of of the fear that Arthur would never forgive him.

It had definitely been the best year of his life, despite the grief for Gaius. Arthur and him...they had been friends. No statuses between them. That line between them had blurred. _I never really cared about who you were, but it was the one thing that always pulled you back. _

In some level, Merlin was sure that now Arthur could really see him as an equal. Like he had said:

_"You are not less worth than me...You are the most powerful sorcerer this Earth had carried, Merlin. You can't claim that you would be any lower than I am. And why would you even do that? You have never cared about my status since the day we met!"_

Merlin had wished that Arthur would have believed that the real reason for him leaving Camelot was the status-difference between them. But Arthur knew him too well. Merlin shook his head as he walked slowly between the long, dark trees.

_You didn't abandon me when you found out what I am. I wouldn't abandon you just because who you are. But you knew that. You didn't believe me...I had to say the things that I said. Otherwise you would have never let me leave._

Merlin tried to shook his head and get away from the haunting thoughts. _I'm doing this now. There are no other options. Arthur has to live. No matter what the cost._

Merlin looked up to the cold night sky, and for a moment, he stopped walking and shut his eyes tightly.

_I wish so badly that you didn't realize the connection between your sickness and the absense of my magic...And I hope from the bottom of my heart that you didn't think that it was something I did on purpose._

He swallowed and opened his eyes. _Stop it, Merlin. You just might not need to worry about what happens after the transition. I _must _give my magic to Mordred. There is no other way._

Merlin wondered what it would feel like to live without magic? To be like everyone else..._normal_. He had always hoped to be completely normal. In his childhood, he had wished nothing more than to be like everyone else in Ealdor. But over the years, he had accepted his magic as a part of him and his destiny. It came natural like _breathing. _

What could he do without his magic?

He was a terrible swordsman. He couldn't really aim with a bow. He wasn't exactly muscular or physically strong. What use would he be? If they would get in a fight with Arthur, all he could do was try to stay alive. And Arthur would have to try and keep him alive.

_I will be completely useless. I can't do anything. If I survive, there is no need for me to go back and try fix things, because even if Arthur would forgive me and take me back to my job, the most effective thing I could do is to polish his armour._

Of course Merlin had played around the thought that he wouldn't have magic before. Millions of times. But now he realized that it would be in fact, dangerous, to lose it.

Merlin had lost the clear heading of the camp, so he did a tracking spell. He rose his hand into the air and whispered: -_Yalíanth vöyeh_." Suddenly, he sensed that the camp was very near, much more nearer than before. Merlin sighed in relief, because the wait was the worst. Waiting what would happen. Waiting to find out was it possible to live without his magic...

But instantly, panic hit him. Could his magic affect Arthur from here? Merlin looked up, worried. He hadn't used his magic since he had returned to Camelot to protect Arthur, but now he had forgotten to be careful.

Well, a tracking spell was a small spell, barely a magical act as it was more built on his senses. Merlin swallowed and calmed down. It was possible that maybe Arthur would sense a fraction of his magic somehow, all the way from here, at the border of Camelot and Mercia. At least it shouldn't be affecting the prince radically. Merlin sighed again.

He felt so helpless.

_I should stop this rambling. It was a small spell and long way from Camelot, so there is a chance that Arthur didn't even feel it. Maybe he felt a slight wave of nausea? Anyway, it shouldn't be anything troublesome._

Merlin continued his journey with heavy legs. He walked under the cold trees. He heard the trees whisper to his ear, play around in the wind around him, surrounding him. Some people thought that this forest was haunted. That the voices in the wind, like the eerie laughter of a young girl or a man's voice filled with irresistible temptation to follow it, were actually the druids trying to make those people get lost in the woods.

Merlin didn't fear the voices, as he could see right through the enchantments of them, but he couldn't help the uncomfortable fear growing inside him.

He knew was close to camp.

_The facts are cruel. I just may not survive the whole transition. And even if I would, there is no quarantee that Arthur would even want to see me again. I hurt him so badly. Sorry is not going to cut it, even if I would explain why I did it. _

_And if I postpone this any longer, Mordred or the druids just might kill Arthur himself while I'm not in Camelot. I'm in hurry. I need to find Mordred, and fast. That is the only thing that will put an end to this. _

He sighed, pained. He had never felt so alone before. But he refused to give up.

Merlin continued walking, ignoring the whispers and the ghostly forms of snow floating and blowing through between the trees.

The forest was otherwise silent. Dead silent. _Unnaturally_ silent.

Merlin looked up, and suddenly, he saw a figure between the trees. It was unmoving, only the small cape floated slowly and silently in the magical wind, the trees whispering. The second Merlin saw the ghostly figure, cold shivers ran up his back and ice settled into his heart. Because he knew who it was.

_Mordred._


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi!** (When will I start figuring out something a little more imaginary?=D)

Okay, a quick note: last chapter with Merlin on the woods, happened while Arthur was training his knights. Remember the nausea he got suddenly? It was because of Merlin's tracking spell.

I'm so happy for the feedback. To be honest, few times I really considered that I'd stop posting this, because I feel like this isn't that good what I would want it to be. Time to time I thought I'd stop writing it at all. That's the reason I'm such a sucker for reviews, because they have kept me going nonetheless, and make me feel like there are people that would want and will read this, and they don't think this is boring.=) So what I'm saying is that thank you everybody, and keep posting reviews!

But into the story. Confused Arthur. Here you go. =D

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter eighteen)

by:** Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur was sick of being confused. Because when it came to Merlin, that's what he was pretty much always: confused.

First he had been filled with fiery rage and anger, with very bitter and dark thoughts. But now? A goddamn_ dragon_ had come and tell him that what Merlin had did, wasn't his choice.

How could it _not_ be Merlin's choice?

After the dragon had left, Arthur had returned to his chambers, sword still on his hand, unable to do anything. He was so messed up in the head.

_So, at first the druids capture you. Then you come back and say that they made you realize all the things that you said. And then you leave Camelot with such bitterness that..._

Arthur shook his head. He still couldn't understand that Merlin had said all those things. It was like he had never known Merlin at all. But now...

Could dragons lie? But why would a dragon bother coming all the way to Camelot just to lie to him? Arthur put his sword on the table and leaned on it with both hands.

Could it be possible that the dragon was telling the truth? That none of the things that Merlin had did, weren't because of what he wished for? That everything that Merlin had said...wouldn't be true?

A wave of hope splashed in his chest, but Arthur refused to take it in.

Because he wasn't sure. And letting himself to take that hope could just...undo everything. Again. So Arthur closed his eyes and tried to think reasonably.

It the dragon was telling the truth, then Merlin had been _forced _to leave Camelot. And whatever he had been doing after that, had been leading him into a...'different destiny' like the dragon had put it.

And the chance that Merlin was not in it, was...something so disturbing and incomprehensible that Arthur couldn't accept the thought. He had wished that Merlin would have been burnt at the stake, but he had also been so angry that he hadn't been thinking clearly.

He might have wished that horrible thing, but when Arthur finally put the rage aside and thought about it, he realized that it would be...

Well, it wasn't possible. He hadn't meant it.

He didn't even need to think back to a year ago to remember how...empty he had felt. How...numb and broken.

Arthur took the weight from his broken hand, and turned towards the fire. He sighed. It would be much easier if he just kept hating Merlin. But he knew he couldn't. Not after what the dragon had hinted.

A sudden realization hit him.

No matter what Merlin woud do or say, Arthur wouldn't be able to hate him completely.

He might get angry, frustrated, confused, irritated. He could call Merlin names, curse the day their met and just hate everything about him. He could hate what Merlin had done, but not _Merlin_. And partly the prince loathed himself for that, because it was a weakness. It was his weakness that he cared.

It wasn't anything that his father wanted him to be. It wasn't anything that he had_ decided_ that he would become. To become like he had used to.

Strong and independent.

_A prat_. Merlin's voice echoed in his memories.

Arthur didn't know whether he should be angry for it or laugh.

Because at the end of the day Merlin was just a irritating, babbling, clumsy idiot with no self-preservation. He was lazy, unqualified and unable to fight with weapons. But he was also the most loyal, kindest and the most faithful friend he had ever had.

Arthur clenced his healthy hand into a fist. For a moment, he hesitated. He was in two minds.

Should he continue hating Merlin and just forget he ever met the dragon, believe that he had seen the real Merlin on the corridor that night? Or should he numb his own rage, even for a moment, and make sure that the dragon hadn't been right?

Arthur looked up. He let his eyes wonder around the room.

_But he said all those things. He looked so angry and bitter...He was like another person._

Was it possible that...it had been fake?

Agony gripped him. This would be an important decision. Could he ever forgive? Could he let his guard down for once more, even if the chances were that the dragon was lying and Merlin would make him feel humiliated for coming after him?

He hated humiliation. He hated feeling torn into two directions. He just _hated _this.

_But you don't hate Merlin. And you would never forgive yourself it the dragon would be right...That everything Merlin has done...has been because he had been forced to do it. And that he might be in danger..._

Arthur swallowed. Frustration hit him stronger than ever before. He hit his healthy hand hard to the wooden table. _Damn you Merlin._

Their destiny sucked. It sucked because no matter how hard he tried, Arthur couldn't turn his back on it. Not if there was only a fraction of chance that this all wasn't what it seemed.

_This will be the last time. This_ will_ be the last time._

Arthur walked out from his chambers, sending a maid to the kitchen to fetch him some food. Another servant he sent to inform the king that he had gone hunting. It wasn't exactly far from the truth. Arthur walked into the stables and found his own horse standing in the corner of it.

Now that he had pushed the anger aside, he had started to figure out some things. If the druids had meant no harm, then why had they drugged Merlin, hurt him and cut his arm open? The blood loss would have been fatal. And it just didn't make any sense.

And if Merlin had tried to kill him with his magic, why stop? Why suddenly leave when he had been getting worse? Had Merlin decided to spare him?

What if Merlin hadn't been the one that had made him sick? What if the druids had blackmailed Merlin to leave Camelot?

Arthur bit his lip. How could have he closed his eyes to all of the things that made no sense? How could he have been so blind?

Now, Arthur was getting angry at himself. There were so many questions that he hadn't even bothered to stop and think about. He had been...blinded by rage as the dragon had said.

Also the dragon was a mystery. If Merlin hadn't sent it, and why he would have because it would be plain ridiculous...then why had the dragon seemed...awkward? Like it had come to tell some things that it wasn't supposed to? Like the dragon...hadn't been allowed to get involved into this.

_Should I believe a dragon? Seriously, a dragon?_

But Arthur couldn't push aside the feeling that the dragon was very old and wise, even if it had attacked Camelot and killed dozens of people. That it just knew things...

_It's Merlin's dragon. Maybe Merlin wants to test me whether I will come after him, so he commanded the dragon to come here?_

Now that Arthur wasn't blinded by rage anymore, his previous conclusions seemed ridiculous. Ridiculous and childish. Like he would have been an angry five-year-old. And if he ever knew Merlin at all, he wouldn't send a dragon just to lie for him. He refused to believe it was true.

But clearly the dragon knew more than it told him. It meant also that if there was something shifty behind Merlin's behaviour, the dragon knew the reason. And if the dragon knew the reason and it had come to Camelot without permission...It must be something bad. _Stupid, stupid Merlin! If this was just some trick..._

But if it wasn't? He would be ashamed for life.

For showing affection, for refusing to let go of Merlin. Even if Merlin had made perfectly clear that he didn't want to see the prince ever again.

_No._

A lump formed into Arthur's throat. If he had ever learnt something from the past...he wouldn't take the risk. He wouldn't take the risk that the dragon might be telling the truth. This time, he wouldn't be_ too late._ He wouldn't be too late and just arrive to find Merlin...like in the dungeons back then.

Old coldness flashed in his body. Now that he had calmed down a bit...he knew he wouldn't be able to take it. Again. If Merlin would...

_Stop. Don't draw conclusions. You have decided to go after him, then go. If everything is like they were when he left...Well then they are. He might mock you, humiliate you, laugh at you, but at least you will have peace. At least you will now that it wasn't your fault if...  
_

As Arthur saddled his horse, he couldn't stop his hands shaking a bit. Because if the dragon was right, then he just might be in a hurry.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi!**

Thank you again for the reviews. I'm getting repetative but I mean it. Reviews= support.

And for those who thought that this had been a bit slow - I promise that you won't be disappointed to this chapter. And it was necessary not to jump into things too soon. =) And oh, I really loved the way you all rejoiced when Arthur decided to go after Merlin. =)

Well, I know that you want to move on to the story already. Why would I stop you? :)

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter nineteen)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

-I knew that you would come, Emrys. " Mordred said without emotion.

Merlin crossed his arms. Suddenly he was feeling a bit cold.

Mordred stared at him with his blue eyes. -Are you sure that this is what you want?"

Merlin sighed deeply, and then nodded. He was shaking.

Mordred smiled. He stopped talking and continued telepathically._ -When you let go of your magic, you have to give it out comptelety. Let it flow freely."_

Like blood, Merlin thought darkly.

He refused to talk telepathically. Especially with Mordred. -What happens if I don't?" he said, with some defiance in his voice.

Mordred's eyes narrowed and suddenly the eerie wind got stronger and. Icy snow seemed to cut inside the bones and Merlin had to blink because of the suggen gust of the ghost wind.

The boy looked filled with pure hatred_. -You won't, Emrys. Because when the transition has started, there is no turning back. You can't change your mind anymore."_

Merlin shook his head. -Magic is a vital part of me. How do I even know that I will live through if you take it?"

_-You don't. But there is a slight chance you'll live anyway." _The druid boy said and slowly tilted his head.

_-You are strong, Emrys. If you stay alive, you have nothing to worry about. And if you won't make it, well. You won't have anything to worry about either."_

Merlin looked away.

-_I'll tell you the truth, Emrys, I had never any interest in Arthur. Why would I? He isn't valuable. The only one I was interested in was you. And your magic. The bond between you and the prince just made it worth it. The last time I was in Camelot and your magic was revealed to the royal family, my purpose was to capture Arthur. I almost succeeded, because I didn't think you would endanger your life like that. But you did, so I had to wait for the right moment." _Mordred said.

Merlin felt anger rising in him. -I need your word, that you won't hurt Arthur."

Mordred smiled. -You are not in the situation where you could bargain." he said aloud, and Merlin shivered for the sudden cruel tone of the boy's voice.

Merlin lifted his chin and looked at the boy, mockingly. -Oh, like I would refuse to give my magic to you? I can do that. Because let's remember that you are not strong enough to just pull it out from me." he said.

Mordred's eyes filled with venom...but the boy smiled. The combination was...Well, Merlin just hoped it was the weather that made cold shivers ran up his back. _You don't fear him. Stop it._

Merlin forced to be bold. He tilted his head, and suddenly realized how scary he might seem for someone that didn't know him: arms crossed in the blue winter night, power radiating between him and the druid boy. The realization made him a bit more confident, so he said: -What if I...just kill you right now, Mordred?"

Mordred laughed. Merlin had to take one step backwards when he heard it: it was a cold, emotionless laugh. Empty. _He doesn't have any compassion or concience. He is just...frozen. Frozen with hatred and the lust of power. _

-Very true, Emrys. But I don't need to be that strong that I could force your magic out. Because it would be just unwise to try it at all."

Merlin swallowed. He hated how the weak steam, formed by his breathing, betrayed how fast his heart was beating.

-So Emrys, do you want to kill me? Go ahead. But just do remember that I put a curse on you, not a spell. Even if I died, the curse wouldn't. So, after all, you will need to give your magic away, or die, to make that happen. Or then you can just go to exile and stay away from Camelot, while I'll have a little feast in the city."

_I know._

Merlin looked down. It was time. He took a deep breath.

-I will give you my magic. But with only one condition. You won't hurt Arthur nor lift a finger against Camelot in your life." Merlin said, unable to cover the anger and desperation.

Mordred looked at him, like thinking about the trade. Merlin was starting to feel scared. He was at dead-end. If Mordred said yes now, there would be no turning back. The decision would be final.

Mordred clearly hesitated, as he just stood there like a ghost, unmoving and quiet.

Merlin felt the fear taking hold of him. -Take it or leave it!" he yelled, filled with desperate panic.

Mordred tilted his head. -Very well, Emrys. I will do as you ask. It's not like_ Mordys _would be stopped by such an insect called Camelot."

Merlin looked down, trying to keep his breathing calm._ I promised to give my magic to him. My magic will be taken away. And you might not survive it..._

_But you knew the risk. _

_Maybe this was the destiny I was prophecied to have. I already made Arthur see the other side of magic. I helped him to change from the arrogant prat he was. And he can't turn back to that, no matter how he tried to or went on hating me. _

_Because Arthur is nothing like Uther._

_He will be alright. And mother, and Gwen..._

_There will be plenty of people waiting for you on the other side if the worst happens. Father, Freya, Gaius, Will... You won't be alone. None of the destinies said that you would live to see the united Albion.  
_

Merlin looked somewhere where his eyes couldn't reach._  
_

_And Arthur, I'm sorry I needed to leave you like that. I'm sorry all of the trouble I caused, but there's one thing that I never regretted. I'm not sorry I met you._

-Are you ready, Emrys?"

Deep breath. Calm before the storm. -Yes. I'm ready." Merlin whispered.

Mordred closed his eyes, and started whispering the ancient language. To Merlin, it felt like the familiar taste of poison.

Snow started swiling around them, and the air was filling with such power that even a simple human would be left breathless before it. The ancient prophecy becoming true set the Earth itself in motion: fog rose and danced with the snow, stars seemed to fade to the blackness and the trees were bending in the radiating power of the Old religion.

The woods around them bowed before them. All of the druid enchantments broke like fragile glass, and suddenly the forest was roaring in silence.

Merlin felt the air leave him as his very self reacted to the power. Power of destiny, of something that had been foreseen hundreds of years before they had ended up here.

Mordred stood in the center of it all, the little druid boy whose power was incomprehendable. The words were dropping from his tongue like venom, because Merlin could feel how the magic in him suddenly shifted.

And he could feel how powerful his magic was: suddenly it started to grow, like he would be diving into deeper and deeper into water and the pressure around him and inside him was growing until it was so strong that it could just snap its fingures and he would drown in it.

Merlin's eyesight blurred, and he felt his eyes turning to gold. He wasn't doing anything magical, the magic in him just crashed to the surface from the deepest bottom of his soul, of his whole being.

He became his magic, he _was_ magic.

Merlin felt how his magic hold every memory, every emotion and feeling he had ever gotten. It contained everything that he had ever thought and seen in his life. Because it was him and he was magic.

Merlin didn't see anything. He couldn't feel anything. He was just so overwhelmed by the shocking force that Mordred's spell had rosen to the surface. His own force.

Never, ever, in his life had he thought that having this much of raw energy, raw power, was even possible.

It was like a curtain had been rip before his eyes, and he realized he had been staring at one piece at the puzzle which just had millions of pieces.

He had used a fraction of what he was.

Merlin would've been stunned if he could feel. But he didn't. His ears were ringing, and he knew he was glowing golden light, mixing to the black sparkles which Mordred radiated.

Mordred was blackness: night. _Death._

He was filled with light, day. Sun. _Life._

And the black sparkles would absorb everything.

_Everything._

With a fleeding thought, Merlin realized he wouldn't survive. Because this was his lifeforce, his life, _him._

There was nothing separate from it. It was his soul and spirit.

Just on the second when Mordred said the last word of the spell...and the very first fraction of his magic, _his existence,_ was pulled away from him, Merlin felt his knees giving away.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello!**

So, uh, here's chapter twenty. I won't be making any long notes in here because I think you all want to get in to the story because what happened on the previous chapter. Here's Arthur. Just sorry that this chapter is quite long, but I believe that you won't get bored.

Please share your thoughts.

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter twenty)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur had been having this bad feeling ever since he had left Camelot. It had followed him those two days he had been riding to north. Like something was wrong, like something bad would happen soon.

It made him restless, more restless than he would have wanted to feel. He rode fast, even if he had no idea where Merlin could be. But he just had this feeling where he should be heading. Probably all thanks to the dragon.

He wasn't familiar feeling these kinds of things like knowing where to go, as they were more Merlin's thing.

The name made the lump in his throat ache painfully. Arthur was feeling exhausted for some unknown reason, and he had a slight nausea and a headache. They have crept onto him little by litte.

_It must be the weather and the stress._

Because surely, he wasn't getting sick again?

Wait.

He was…getting sick…_again_?

He was pretty sure that Merlin didn't know where he was. A cold shiver ran up Arthur's back.

_If he doesn't know where I am…_

The prince let this thoughts make all the connections and conclusions. Things clicked.

Merlin hadn't caused his sickness. It was something else. Merlin hadn't done it with some spell, because what he had learnt from spells, you needed to know what you were aiming them at. And Merlin couldn't have any idea where he was right now, that much Arthur understood the way these things worked.

Or was it all a lie? Had Merlin lied about that too?

_No. Stop it. You're through this. Merlin can have no idea that you're even here. He can't be doing it._

The truth was: he was still angry at Merlin. Arthur was hurt by his words, and the way he had acted, after everything that had happened.

But he was much more _worried_ than he was angry. And he was sick of worrying for Merlin because even when he would never admit it, that's what he had spend a lot of time with over the years. It seemed so scaringly easy for him to get in trouble. And Merlin usually got away with it by pure luck.

There was one thing Arthur knew now: he didn't or couldn't hate Merlin.

_You will find him. Until then, don't jump into any conclusions._

The day was falling into a night, the twilight setting in. The bad feeling grew even more. Arthur bit his lip.

_You are here somewhere, Merlin, I know it. Because how ever that freaky dragon made me to know the direction, I will find you. _

A moment of hesitation.

_And you are better to be alright._

Even if he would never admit it aloud to Merlin. After all, he had decided not to be the weak emotional person that he had been earlier. He couldn't get this affectionate over people. He shouldn't: it wasn't appropriate, it wasn't safe and it wasn't wise. Because it also meant that he had a weakness.

_Stop. You can deal with this later. You just need to find him and make sure that the dragon was just talking some nonsense._

It ate him to think that it would be true; that Merlin had meant every word that he had said and wished they would have never met. But he hoped that Merlin wasn't in any trouble either. Honestly, he didn't know what to think anymore.

Arthur rode further even if he knew he should make a camp and let his horse rest, but he just…couldn't. His bad feeling just didn't leave him.

The prince was getting near to the border of Camelot and Mercia, and the dark woods were getting closer.

Arthur had often heard rumors for that forest: some believed that it was haunted. Of course he didn't believe in such a things…But he should ask Merlin whether ghosts existed or not. If someone knew, Merlin would.

The prince wanted instantly to kick himself mentally. It was ridiculous how his thoughts and way of thinking was bound to Merlin and his magic.

Arthur sighed and looked at the forest. Now that he had_ decided_ to find Merlin, he had found a moment of peace from his messy thoughts. He had a mission, and he wouldn't need to do anything else before he had completed it. It was a rather comforting thought.

He sighed and the breath turned into smoke in the cold air.

Anxiety made its way to his awareness.

_Merlin, I'd prefer you as you were the day you left, rather than the day you…poisoned yourself.  
_

Arthur kept his gaze on the woods, and he just knew that something was off. Something was wrong.

Suddenly the dragon's warning seemed like a scream for help. And just the second when Arthur thought that, something physically hit him.

The horse underneath him neighed, horrified, and twisted uncontrollably. It rose to its backfeet and Arthur didn't have time to take a grasp from anything before he got thrown to the ground.

Luckily there was so much snow that he just thumped into it. His horse neighed again and started galloping away.

Arthur's air had been knocked out from him by that something, and he was trying to draw air into his empty lungs. When he finally managed to do it, he realized that he hadn't hit his head: the unnatural feeling wasn't inside him, but_ surrounding_ him.

The moment Arthur realized it was _real _and opened his mind to it, the presence of Merlin crashed into his awareness so hard that it made his vision swam.

And something else was mixed to Merlin's magic, something completely different. Arthur just felt it, and he knew that it had something to do with the fact that a wave of nausea had taken over him.

_Magic. Sickness._

Arthur jumped back to his feet. The air seemed to be frizzling with power, it was like the air and the ground and everything around was turning inside out and upside down, even if he couldn't see it.

Something strong and magical was happening, and somewhere very near. The snow was floating in the air like it would have been slowed down, even if there was no wind.

Merlin's presence was strong, and Arthur was relieved to feel that. He looked around, but his horse had ran off. Clutching his healthy hand into a fist, Arthur started to the woods. All he could feel was it radiating from there.

Arthur walked fast, too busy to think any of his chaotic thoughts through or the suffocating raw emotions: confusion, fear, worry.

As he got closer to the woods, suddenly another gust of wind and a wave of magic exploded from the source and Arthur barely kept his balance. It was like a transparent pressure wave.

Arthur had a feeling that it this was no place he should be in: filled with very powerful magic, which he hadn't have.

_Merlin. It's Merlin._

The thought made him continue. Arthur tried to move as fast as he could, with growing nausea and a piercing headache making it harder. It was dark and the snow was unnaturally dancing in the air, the trees were bending to raw wind that had just started swirling and made seeing almost impossible.

It was like he would be heading into the storm's eye.

Like a lightning, Arthur realized one thing.

_Merlin's magic._ He could feel it with his every sole, which had never happened before…And it made him feel sick and bad. _Ill._ But most importantly, it was _fading._

Merlin's magic was _fading._

Whatever bond there was between him and Merlin, whether it was destiny or friendship or both, Arthur knew that Merlin wasn't alright.

Merlin's magic was fading.

**Merlin**

_was fading._

Merlin was disappearing from his awareness like flowing sand. Arthur forced his senses into the extreme line, but he was losing it.

He was losing the feeling of Merlin's presence. If he had any hesitating thoughts about finding him, they all disappeared now. He _needed _to find Merlin.

Arthur's heart started to thunder in his ears, as did his bloodstream. The lump in his throat made it hard to breathe and the tortured woods around him were screaming with a voice he couldn't hear.

_Merlin is fading. He's in danger. Something bad is happening...  
_

Because during the year he had known about Merlin's magic, he had learnt one thing: Merlin was extremely powerful. And that kind of magic couldn't just…flow away.

No. This was something unnatural. _Wrong._

Defying the magical storm, the growing sickness inside him and all of the evil power radiating from where he was looking at, Arthur started to run.

_Please don't let it be too late._

When he finally reached the small clearing between the trees, he froze to his place. Mordred was there, standing like a pale statue, hands spread out and eyes turned to black.

_Mordred!_

Merlin had told Arthur about the druid boy's true nature and the prophecies about him. Arthur's insides turned to ice when he watched the scary figure before him, because every instict in him screamed to run, to fear that boy to death. But he refused. He looked around.

The air was electrified by gold and black sparkles. Energy. Magic...Very strong magic.

Then Arthur saw Merlin on the ground. For a second, his heart skipped a beat. For a second, everything in his world froze. Nothing but Merlin mattered. His rage, his anger, his bitterness; they were all gone, swept under the carpet like there hadn't been anything at all.

Because now, the sickening, strangeling worry and panic settled in.

Arthur rushed forward, despite the fiery woods around him and the powerful magic, solid in the air. He rushed to Merlin's side and dropped to his knees.

As soon as he could see better, Arthur covered his mouth in shock. Merlin was lying on his back, snow mixed to his dark hair and his body was convulsing in slow, painful trembles. His skin was pale and blueish, his glassy eyes were golden. Golden with magic.

-Merlin?" Arthur whispered, even if the noises around in the air were roaring. Arthur's heart thundered in his ears, and panic tore him.

_Oh God._

The golden light and sparkles were rising up from Merlin's body and slowly moving into Mordred, disappearing to the blackness of the boy's magic. None of the two sorcerers seemed two notice his presence. Arthur felt like he was a pawn in the playfield. He had no power here.

Arthur shook his head in panic. _No it's not the time to think about that.  
_

–Merlin!" he shouted, but he didn't know if he dared to touch him. The prince stared at his friend, horrified of the raw solid power that was flowing out of him. He could _feel_ its power. Gaius hadn't definitely been overstating when he had said that Merlin was a powerful sorcerer. Because right now, Merlin was nothing but power.

The golden magic in front of him _was _Merlin. Arthur realized it. It wasn't separate, despite what his logic said. This was as much Merlin as the clumsy manservant stumbling on his own feet.

That warm memory just made the agony sharper. Arthur's head was pounding painfully loudly and stingingly. He just ignored it.

-Merlin?" the prince tried to call, but Merlin's golden eyes were unfocused. Arthur wasn't scared of Merlin, but he wasn't sure if he dared to touch him. He was glowing and convulsing and even if it was _Merlin,_ Arthur felt like he was a stranger to interfere on this whirlwind of magical storm. He didn't even have no idea in his chaotic head what was happening. He had not the slightest sense of what he could do to help, to stop this, to make Merlin better. Because he could see that whatever was happening, it wasn't good. -What is going on?" Arthur whispered to his friend who couldn't hear. Desperation was starting to grip a hold on him.

And also, Arthur's vision swam and the headache was pounding now like fire. It had crept on him slowly earlier, but now, it seemed like someone put it on fire. He started coughing uncontrollably and rough nausea made his whole body feel very heavy.

_This is because of Merlin. The sickness. It was because of Merlin's magic._

Merlin's body convulsed painfully and he was clearly in so much pain. A mute breathless scream for pain was lingering on Merlin's face, twisted in pain. Arthur's eyes watered. This was like torture. No matter how angry he had been, he couldn't watch this. He couldn't watch Merlin suffer so uncontrollably, so roughly.

-Merlin! Do you hear me? It's me, Arthur." he said but Merlin's golden eyes didn't see anything.

Arthur coughed again and taking a look on Merlin and deciding to not giving a damn about the danger, he put his hands on Merlin's shoulder and chest. He could feel the magic flowing through his fingers. Arthur froze for a second, as the magic itself felt rather tinkly and warm through his skin...but his nausea got even worse.

But the sparkles going through his hands were pure Merlin, Merlin's presence, everything he could be sensed like. Like the vague feeling you could have of what someone was like.

Arthur stared the solid magic, like fire, leaving its source. His breathing became troubled. He didn't need much to make the conclusion of what was happening. _He is taking your magic away._

–Merlin!" he called and his voice broke, while he tried slightly shake Merlin. Merlin didn't answer. Only thing Arthur could do is to push his friend's body to the ground to easen the convulsions.

He coughed again. Violent coughs and nausea took over, and Arthur had to look away for a while. He coughed rougly, and when he opened his eyes, the white snow in front of him was covered with blood.

Arthur gasped in shock.

_I'm coughing blood. _

Arthur tried to shake his head to clear his head, because he if he had felt sick before, it couldn't be compared to this. He was feeling_ very_ ill.

_I'm getting sick again...I can't.  
_

But the prince knew that he had no time to worry about himself. He forced himself to concentrate despite his body protesting against the crippling, paralyzing pain and disease inside him.

_Merlin._

_I have to fix this.  
_

Arthur looked down, the ghost wind making everything a while blur and his own sight was already ailing. Even if he was literally held Merlin's magic in his hands, he could feel its presence fading. And _fast. _

Time was running out.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hi again!**

Pretty tricky chapter. Please share your thoughts.

_Enjoy!_

Story: Damages (Chapter twentyone)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur looked up to see Mordred, shaking in place as the golden light was absorbing to him, disappearing. Arthur gritted his teeth. Rage suddenly boiled.

_You! You did this. You are doing this to Merlin! You are making me sick. It was you all along._  
The prince clenced his fists but wasn't sure what he could do. This was completely out of the war strategies he had been tought. Besides, he wasn't sure if he could even stand up, because the nausea and the violent coughs was making feel so weak, exhausted...

Arthur turned to Merlin. Merlin's convulsions had started to easen, and Arthur's mind screamed that it wasn't a good sign. A silent sob escaped from Arthur, as he spat blood out of his mouth to be able to speak.  
-Merlin, please, you need to listen to me. You need to stop this. I know you can." he said, and tried to shake the awfully fast paling Merlin for attention. The convulsions had faded and now Merlin was just writhing weakly.

The ghost wind made snow sting his eyes, and Arthur couldn't help his eyes start watering even more. A single tear strolled down. A strong cough took over again, and Arthur couldn't see clearly anymore.

-Merlin, please." Arthur pleaded with a broken voice, between the coughes. _This is wrong. Unfair! _

- Merlin, you need to live. We haven't come this far just for you to die here on these damn woods. You hear me? Stop it. I know you can!" Arthur said, but Merlin's eyes were glassy.

Arthur spat a handful of blood away again and turned to Merlin. Suddenly, the golden light on Merlin's eyes started die away.  
It pulsed back and forth, back to their natural blue and then back to the magical gold, uncontrollably.  
Merlin's breathing was troubled. Arthur coughed again, and his eyesight blurred even more. Then he could feel a warm liquid flowing down on his face. His nose had started bleeding.

-Merlin, you need to fight back. I know you can." Arthur whispered with a broken voice, as another violent cough took over. He tried to wipe the blood away from his face, but he wasn't fast enough.

And he just didn't care.

Merlin's body was now just shaking slightly. The lump in Arthur's throat seemed suffocating, as Merlin's presence was barely there to be felt anymore. Merlin was fading away.

For one last time, Arthur spat blood away to be able to speak, and leant close to Merlin, shaking him carefully. The icy wing made the tears mix to the blood but he didn't care. -Merlin, you need to stop this. I know you can! You can't die now, here on these woods. There must be a reason why you survived from the poisoning and my father's swordstrike. Our destiny is not supposed to end tonight. You hear me?" Arthur coughed again.

_I wasn't suppose to care anymore. _

But as he Merlin lay there, tortured and pained, Arthur shook his head. He know he cared. His friend was dying a violent death because of him. How could he hate someone like that, even if it wasn't Merlin?_  
_

-Merlin, you need to fight back. Please." he whispered. _You can't leave me. It is unfair and wrong and..._

_Wrong.  
_

Arthur looked up to see Mordred, standing there and his whole body shaking uncontrollably. The air around him was twisting and turning in unnatural way. His eyes were black and it almost seemed like the last remains of the druid boy had disappeared. This...creature was something else. It wasn't human anymore. Even Arthur could feel it.

He stared the creature with growing fear, because this was nothing he had seen or felt before. The raw malevolence and the desctructive power was radiating from the boy.  
It seemed that every sparkle that escaped Merlin's body and merged into the blackness, made the feeling grow.

And that was when the prince finally put two and two together.

-You! You sick bastard! You are doing this! It had been you all along! You are draining Merlin's magic." he shouted, but he cut himself off as the last sentence was also a realization.

_You are draining Merlin._

Arthur coughed again and tried to maintain even the remains of his blurry sight. He wanted to kill that sick thing right where it stood, but he hesitated. Could he harm Merlin by doing it? If Mordred...or whatever he was now...died, would Merlin too?

The lump in Arthur's throat seemed suffocating. He wasn't even sure whether he could stand up anymore, his body was just starting to shut down.  
The stinging ghost wind around them was also settling. Arthur turned his head to Merlin, his body's every sole protesting against the movement. A sob escaped from him.

Merlin's body had grown still now, and the light in his eyes was just slightly pulsing back and forth. The sparkles were almost transparent now, and they flowed out from Merlin very slowly, like the source itself was disappearing. Which it actually was.

Merlin had become as white as the snow mixed to his hair. He panted. The short gasps of air turned into a disappearing steam. Arthur's face was covered with blood and tears, as he leant closer, holding onto the hope.

-erln..." he mumbled. -Please. I'm begging you...fight back..."

Merlin's body was completely still now. Only the last sparkles were hanging in the air.

_Don't leave me. I can't lose you. I didn't mean what I thought earlier. I didn't mean any of it! I'm sorry, Merlin, I'm so sorry...I was stupid and arrogant and everything you have warned me about and I was too late again. _

_I'm a stupid arrogant prince and you...are nothing like that...and this shouldn't happen to you.  
_

A violent cough took over him again, and Arthur just wiped the blood from his mouth and his nose, careless. He distantly realized he was crying, but he didn't care.

He didn't care.

_I only want you to live._  
_Hate me, laugh at me, mock me, do whatever you want after this but just please, Merlin, you need to stay alive..._

Merlin's eyes were almost completely blue now. Arthur ignored the violent cough, and placed his hand upon the side of Merlin's head and turned it towards himself.

Merlin's eyes were lost in somewhere far away.

The terrible memory from a year back crashed on Arthur. It made his whole body tremble for horror, because he wouldn't be able to pull through from that ever again. The light couldn't go out from Merlin.

Merlin couldn't do that. Arthur couldn't let him. Someone like Merlin shouldn't be murdrered like this.

-Merlin...It's me, Ar..thur."

Arthur coughed blood into his hand. Merlin didn't stir.

-Please...hear me out. You...are the most idiotic, clumsy servnt that I've evr met..." Cough. -But...you are also my best frnd. Best and only friend. So I need you...to..."  
But the coughing took over again and the nausea made Arthur curl further towards the ground. He had to turn his head to cough the blood away, wiping his face with his free hand, keeping his broken one at the side of Merlin's head.

_Arthur..._

The prince snapped out of everything and turned his head as fast as lightning, and for a second his world blurred into white. He knew_ that_ voice. It wasn't heard by ear, it flowed down to his awareness. Arthur looked down at Merlin, and saw that his friend's weren't that unfocused than before.

-Merlin! Thank God...I..." he cleared his throat. -I need you to call the dragon. He can help, can't he?" Arthur said, trying to sound cheery.

Merlin's eyelids started to slump. Arthur felt his heart turning to ice. -No. NO." Arthur said through gritted teeth and tears.

_Arthur...I...mm...sorry._

_..y_

Merlin's distant voice spoke to his head one last time, before Merlin's eyes turned into an empty blue and his eyelids slid close. -Merlin?"

The presence...the presence was almost gone.

_NO._

_Please no.  
_

-Merlin!" Arthur shouted, desperately, shaking carefully Merlin's shoulder. Tears poured down. -Fight back! Fight it! Don't you dare to leave me like this!" Arthur said, but his voice was broken and filled with tears.

But Merlin's body was heavy beneath his hands and he didn't even stir.

Then, the ghost wind suddenly disappeared as fast as it had came. Everything was completely silent and still. The golden sparkles had all disappeared to the blackness of Mordred, and the air was empty. The woods were quiet, the trees at shocked silence.

Mordred stood now there, black and frightening, destiny becoming true, like waiting for the final word, final say. Something was still _missing_, and the whole world was holding its breath for it.

And then, the final spark rose from Merlin's chest from where his heart was, the final golden spark left Merlin's body, and on the second it did, Arthur's nausea died down. So did the headache with a flush, his eyesight got back to normal, his urge to cough was gone and the blood stopped flowing from his nose.

Merlin head slumped softly against Arthur's broken hand, and the final last quick breath escaped from the warlock's lips, turning into a thin smoke and then disppearing.

_No. No no no.  
_

It could mean only one thing. It had been Merlin's magic that had been making him sick. Now he had proof. Why did he _always_ learnt the hard way? Arthur rage boiled, pointed to himself. He had been so stupid! Why, why hadn't he suspected anything? He realized now that Merlin had done this because he had been dying because of the sickness. _You stupid protective idiot! Merlin...you shouldn't! Shouldn't have done this, not just because of me!_

_Oh God. Merlin. Please. If you do this to me again, I won't be able to take it. I can't. You hear me? You'd better fight back!  
_

The guilt and the affection blurred into a massive desperation.

Arthur wasn't used that things were out of his control.

_Death was._

He could command people do things, but he couldn't command them to live.

Mordred had drained Merlin's magic. This last sparkle, moving very slowly in the air, was the very last part of it, last fraction what Merlin had. The lifeline between Merlin and the black wall. Mordred was waiting to get it, to complete his doing.

Arthur stared the tiny golden sparkle and felt the last amount of presence of his friend in there. It was very slow in its movements, slower than any of them before. Mordred stared at it, with sick and psychopatic greed, lusting for it.

Arthur breathed quickly. Suddenly his body was working again fine. How could he stop this?

The prince couldn't find any other way, so he lifted his hands very carefully and tried to catch the sparkle between his hands. It just went through his skin and his hands. And for the first time in his life, Arthur cursed for not having magic, for being born without the gift. He cursed the fact that Morgana had gotten it and he didn't.

If only this once he could have used it.

_Just once._

Arthur tried again, and again, but he couldn't catch it. He stared at it, helplessly, desperate. The tears and blood on his face started to freeze on their place.

_Merlin, I'm begging you, please, fight back! I'm fine...The sickness is gone. There is no need for you to continue this anymore._

Arthur looked at Merlin's drained body, blue and cold and tortured. He laid his hand upon Merlin's heart. He could feel it still beating quietly, even if Merlin wasn't breathing anymore.

Arthur closed his eyes tightly shut.

_Don't die. Please...  
_

With his last hope, Arthur leant very close to Merlin. -Merlin, I need you to listen to me carefully. I know I don't have magic and I'm no use here, so you have to fight back. You are a dragonlord despite your magic. You can call the dragon. You have to call him. He just might be the only able to help."

Merlin's body kept still.

Arthur swallowed and wiped the bloody tears from his face, trying to sound calm and reasonable. -Merlin, please. Call him, call..Kilmerra or whatever his name is." the prince asked, shaking Merlin's shoulder very gently.

But Merlin stayed still, sprawled on the snowy ground. Arthur looked up. The last golden sparkle was already halfway to Mordred. Arthur looked at the druid boy, with such rage and hate that he just started shaking.

Slowly, he stood up, drew his sword out and walked towards Mordred. The creature in front of him was...it wasn't human.

Arthur didn't even hesitate. He took speed and thrusted his sword into Mordred. When it was just about to hit him, Mordred's black eyes shifted into him and the sword in his hands turned to ash in a blink. A sudden forcewave hit him backwards, but the second Mordred's angry black eyes turned to Merlin, they filled with panic.

-NO!" the voice shouted, but it was unhuman, low...monsterous.

Arthur turned towards Merlin, and he saw the spark getting nearer to Merlin now. Mordred's hesitation had disctrated the spell. Arthur looked at it, hope springing into him. Mordred-creature lifted his hand up, clearly about to pull the sparkle back, but Arthur jumped up, took the first rock he could find from the ground and shoved it as hard as he could towards the druid.

Mordred saw it, moved slightly, and hesitated only for a fraction of a second, but Arthur had enough time to see the one last sparkle to return to Merlin. Mordred's frustrated and raged scream tore the air, filled with such venom that it made Arthur's insides turn to ice.

But the spell was broken. It left the air like a fading ember.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey everyone! **

**HEY! IMPORTANT NOTE!**

- I replaced this chapter as it got messed up somehow. I'm very sorry and it has some changes and corrections.

**Quick note: **So "IsabelEmrys" and "Kitty O" asked about this in the reviews, so I'll remind about one thing: it was a _curse_ that Mordred set upon Merlin's magic that made Arthur sick. Spells die mostly along with their caster, but curses don't. So, even if someone had killed Mordred, the curse would have still been there. Also, there wouldn't have been anyone magically strong enough to be able to pull Merlin's magic out to end the curse. So that would've meant that Merlin would've needed to leave Camelot forever.

That's why it didn't serve any purpose to kill Mordred. The only way the curse could be taken off, was Merlin to die or his magic to die (which more or less the same thing). But if magic dies, it needs to leave its source, this time Merlin. In last chapter, Mordred pulled all of Merlin's magic out of his body, so it died so to speak. For a moment, there was only Merlin's body without any life in it, he stopped breathing the second the last sparke left him, so in few minutes he would be dead. But Arthur being creative, Merlin got the last sparkle back and has a fraction of life/magic in him. So no, he is not dead, but very close to it. Damage control, anyone?

Well, I have named this fic somewhat close to my point. Oh well, I'm evil.

Last time I got around ten reviews. Surely you can do better. ;) (Please?=D)

Story: Damages (Chapter twentytwo)

by:** Niphrehdil**

* * *

Mordred breathed now heavily and slowly, like trying not to explode.

The ghost wind had settled, everything was eerily quiet.

Arthur stared the creature, unable to stand up, because he knew he wouldn't even had a chance. The boy turned towards him, taking one heavy step.

Arthur bit his lip. He had no weapon. And even if he did, they wouldn't be any help. Arthur threw a glance at Merlin, still and unmoving on the white snow. The prince didn't even know whether Merlin was alive. Agony made a icy fist around his heart. Would the last sparkle be enough?

Arthur formed a wish in his mind that the spark had revived Merlin.

Mordred took another step. Arthur didn't move. _It would be no use. _He had broken the spell before the druid had completed it. Whatever Mordred had been hoping to achieve with it, it hadn't succeeded. Well, not completely, Arthur supposed.

The prince couldn't feel afraid because he knew there was nothing he could do. Sure, he could make this all longer, but he didn't really want that.

Arthur closed his eyes, waiting for the strike.

Seconds went by.

But it never came. Arthur's eyes snapped open.

Just before Mordred was raising his hand up, a hesitation crossed his face, like he just remembered something. Arthur stared the creature before him. Suddenly Mordred smiled. Now Arthur felt fear gripping him, because it was the most scariest and darkest smile he had ever seen.

Arthur had to look away to shake off the icy trembles.

But hen Arthur looked up again, Mordred was gone. He was taken by surprise.

The prince looked around him frantically, but didn't see the boy anywhere.

_He...is gone. He...left?_

It felt like a rock fell off from his chest. _Did he really leave? But he was furious! The spell wasn't completed. _

_Why did he spare me? _Arthur let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. _Maybe he just thought that you are no match for him. _Which, he had to admit, was very true.

Then Arthur startled and remembered the situation.

_Merlin. _

All of the agony and fear came back with a rush. He jumped to his feet and reached Merlin, swallowing. Arthur knelt slowly beside him. Merlin was as pale as the snow.

He was too afraid to check if Merlin was still alive. Because if he wasn't...

He couldn't take it.

But he bit his lip and lifted Merlin's wrist gently. He squeezed his fingers slightly against it. _Please._

The wait seemed to be the longest in his life. But then he felt a weak beat under his fingertips. Arthur closed his eyes, swallowing. _Thank God. _

The relief flowed to him like a river, but it was only temporary. Because even if Merlin was clinging onto life, it was just barely. Arthur looked at the empty face of his friend, and rose his glance to the sky.

He stared the stars, helpless, like the answer would be written in them.

_Please._

He didn't know who he was asking and what.

Agony was overwhelming. He knew Merlin wouldn't make it to Camelot. Even if he would be able to get moving, the weather would slow him down. His horse had ran away, and people in Camelot didn't except to see him in few days. And it was _really_ cold.

Arthur realized he was shaking. _Is there anything I can do?_

The prince looked down at Merlin, and realized he was still holding his friend's wrist in his own arms. Somehow it seemed comforting. Like a reassurance that Merlin was still there, that there was still a chance he could fix this.

_How did things got so messed up? What can I do?_

Arthur tried to think. Was there anyone who could help? Gwaine and Lancelot were somewhere far away, and they couldn't do pretty much anything more than he could. And he didn't know any other sorcerers than Merlin. Well, good sorcerers. The prince cursed under his breath his father and the laws of Camelot.

Did Ortheus have magic? He doubted it. Ortheus might have rather good knowledge about herbs and healing, but Arthur knew that Merlin had lost magic, not blood. It couldn't be replaced or healed, could it?

The prince shook his head, desperate. If he only could get the dragon here. It if had been any other situation, he would have laughed to the thought, but now he knew it just might be his only chance. The dragon had magic. Surely.

And it was Merlin's dragon. It had showed that it cared about Merlin, so he would come. The problem was that Arthur had no idea how to get it there. Merlin was the only one able to call it.

_Damn it! _He should have gotten magic. Only for this once. It was unfair. Even if Merlin could burn a kingdom with a blink and erase armies with one spell, he was still flesh and bones. And very capable of dying. It was unfair.

Unfair and cruel.

He _needed_ to call the dragon.

Arthur tried one more time to shake Merlin very carefully. -Merlin? Hey. Mordred's gone. But I need you to call the dragon." he said, trying to sound reassuring.

Merlin was scaringly lifeless. Arthur shook his head. Panic was taking over again. -You can't just lay there and die. I can't let you. You hear me?" he whispered. Unsurpringly, he got no answer. Arthur pleaded in his mind to the dragon to come, begged him to. He tried to make a connection, send a message, concentrating.

But then his eyes snapped open. It was no use. He was helpless, helpless to do anything. _Powerless._ Something he wasn't used to being.

Desperate, Arthur shook Merlin once more. -Listen to me you clumsy idiot! This was never suppose to happen. There weren't supposed to be any secrets. You shouldn't have protected me like this! You should have told me about this the day the knights brought you to Camelot!"

Arthur shook his head with anger, and somehow the wind was making his eyes water again. -I should have guessed. I should have realized that you are not capable of being selfish. I was just so angry...I thought terrible things about you, Merlin. And I'm...I'm so sorry. I've never been the friend you deserve. Maybe I_ deserve _this. But you don't! You don't because you are the most loyal and annoying and self-sacrifing idiot I've ever met. And...I'm _not _sorry I met you."

Merlin's pale face were against the cold snow. Arthur sighed, pained, his breathing braking.

-Don't die now, Merlin. Don't you dare." Arthur whispered, but the forced defiance in his voice failed miserably.

Then suddenly, Arthur head a shuffling sound and the snow around him was dancing in a sudden wind. _Mordred. __Did he come back? Did he come back to complete the spell?_

Arthur looked around frantically, but didn't see anyone. But then suddenly, a big black shape moved in the distance. Arthur turned his head and tried to see clearly. It wasn't human. It was enormours...Somehow familiar...

THE DRAGON!

Arthur stared the shape in shock and pure relief, unsure whether he had gone mad and was seeing things.

It had landed on the larger clearing, and Arthur concluded that it was too big to land on this spot._ The dragon came. It actually came. _

Arthur dropped his glance on Merlin, hope springing in his chest. The prince bent down and very carefully gathered Merlin into his arms. With caution he lifted him up. Merlin weighed as much as a child. His body was completely limp, hauntingly reminding of the time he had carried Merlin out of the dungeons...Arthur shivered.

_Stop. He's still alive. The dragon can fix this._

When Arthur reached the clearing, the dragon let out a pained moan. It was clearly upset. Arthur put Merlin carefully on to the ground, trying to be as careful as he could. Then he looked up to the dragon. Suddenly he felt guilty and exhausted. Like he was a child gotten caught of doing something bad. He was tired, desperate. He didn't even bother being afraid of the dragon anymore.

-I need your help." he said quietly. His voice was hoarse from coughing. Arthur briefly wondered what did he look like with all the blood and tears and snow in his face.

But the dragon didn't show that it would have noticed. Instead, the pain in the dragon's eyes was very obvious as it lowered its head close to Merlin.

Arthur looked down to his feet, unable to meet the dragons eyes. Something he wouldn't normally do in front of anyone. But he didn't care.

Their shared sorrow hung in the air like a heavy curtain.

-I'm sorry, I...I wasn't able to do anything." Arthur whispered.

-Young prince, you prevented Mordred becoming Mordys. You have done more than no one could have ever asked from you." the dragon answered, sounding rather grateful but also sad.

-Mordys?" Arthur asked, confused. -Yes, the 'god of magic' or the 'holder of magic'. Mordred tore away Merlin's magic almost completely. I sense that there is a small part of it that is still in him, and that keeps the life in him alive."

Arthur took a breath. -But?"

The dragon's silent despair was hanging in the air. -But it is not enough, I fear. He won't be able to live long without it."

One tear escaped on Arthur's cheek, covered with frozen blood. -Can you do anything?" he asked, trying to sound firm.

The dragon had a slight pause. -I can restore some of his strength so his body will function normally. But in the longer scale, I am not able to fill the absence of his magic. Because he _is _magic, young prince. He might live a year, or even two, but I can not promise anything more than that."

Arthur shut his eyes tightly and gasped. _A year. Year. Two years. That's too short! That's too short in any terms. Merlin is younger than me for God's sakes..._ Arthur had feared the answer. He took the information in, but knew he wouldn't go along with it. Merlin needed to be able to grow old. He wasn't supposed to die like this, so young. Because of _him._

Arthur stepped further away from Merlin, as the dragon blew warm air over his friend.

The prince sensed that there was an unsaid spell in the air. The snow melted around Merlin as the warm breeze of magic washed over it. Then the dragon got few steps back. Merlin's body looked so fragile and small. The white snow around him made him look like he was already gone...

But even if Arthur couldn't see any difference but he knew that the dragon had did as he promised. The prince looked up to Kilgarrah's golden eyes. -Thank you."

The dragon just lowered its head, like nodding. Arthur wasn't used to thanking people, but this time he had sincerely meant it with all his heart.

Kilgarrah looked defeated.

-Isn't there any way to get his magic back? Can't someone else give him some more of it?" Arthur asked, quietly. Pleading.

The dragon sighed also, the long big smoke whirling in the air. -No, that is not possible. The magic is him, and he is magic. Young Pendragon, you have to understand that the druid boy stole almost all of it. And you are not able to fight Mordred right now, because even if he is not Mordys, his power is more than there is in any other sorcerer."

Arthur shook his head. -There must be a way." he said, partly pleading.

Kilgarrah looked at him with pity. -Even if there was, you are a simple human and Mordred can take your life very easily. And then Merlin's sacrifice was for nothing. " he said, looking down to Merlin's small tortured body.

-You can't just give up!" Arthur yelled with desperation. The dragon lowered quickly its head so their eyes locked. Its voice was a bit angry. -Don't think that I would want him to die any more than you do! It insults me that you even consider it. I am the last of my kind and Merlin is the last dragonlord." Kilgarrah lifted its head for a bit. It lowered its voice. -I do not usually get keen on humans, but Merlin is a rather interesting warlock. It saddens me that he is in such condition but this all I can do."

Arthur looked away and shook his head. The dragon had been his last hope.

There was a long silence.

-What if I kill him?" Arthur said.

-Excuse me, Pendragon?"

Arthur turned his head. -What if I kill him? Mordred? What happens if I kill him?"

The dragon looked confused. If the situation would have been any other, Kilgarrah would have laughed. -You don't surely suggest that you even can." it said.

But hope sprang into Arthur. -What if I do? What happens?"

The dragon looked at him like he would be insane. -That is not possible because you are simply human."

-Mordred is human, like Merlin! He isn't this 'Mordys' yet! And it means he can still die." Arthur said, feeling the exiteness mixing to his hope.

The dragon seemed frustrated. -Yes he can indeed die. But you prince, you have to understand that you won't ever get so close that you could try to accomplish that."

Arthur shook his head as he started to build his own plan. -But if I DO kill him, will it release Merlin's magic? Will it work?"

Kilgarrah tilted its head. There was a long silence. -Mordred needed a spell to tore the magic from Merlin, so he needs to tie it to himself with another spell. If you take away his life, all of his spells should lose their effect. But Merlin is indeed so powerful that he had had to give his magic away willingly. Otherwise they would have both died in the transition. So will Mordred need to let go of Merlin's magic willingly, too, or would his spell brake after the deadly strike? I do not know."

A long silence. Arthur looked at Merlin, and felt his determination growing.

-I'm going to find out." Arthur said, turning his head now darkly towards the woods.

The dragon sighed, like the worry would have settled on its heart. -Remember, young prince, that you are playing with the most powerful magic I have seen in a very long time. And that is_ a long _time." Kilgarrah warned with a low voice.

Arthur looked up, dark ambition in his eyes. -So let's hope Mordred will play with us."


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi!  
**

**Author note: **Sorry, I had to** replace** the previous chapter because I somehow messed it all up. =D So some of you read the earlier version of it, and the updated version had a few changes and corrections, not anything major though. If you are interested enough, you can read it again.

But just in case, I put this story note (meant to be on the last chapter) on this chapter too in case someone missed it.

**"And a story note****: **_So "IsabelEmrys" and "Kitty O" asked about this in the reviews, so I'll remind about one thing: it was a curse that Mordred set upon Merlin's magic that made Arthur sick. Spells die mostly along with their caster, but curses don't. So, even if someone had killed Mordred, the curse would have still been there. Also, there wouldn't have been anyone magically strong enough to be able to pull Merlin's magic out to end the curse. So that would've meant that Merlin would've needed to leave Camelot forever._

_That's why it didn't serve any purpose to kill Mordred. The only way the curse could be taken off, was Merlin to die or his magic to die (which more or less the same thing). But if magic dies, it needs to leave its source, this time Merlin. In last chapter, Mordred pulled all of Merlin's magic out of his body, so it died so to speak. For a moment, there was only Merlin's body without any life in it, he stopped breathing the second the last sparke left him, so in few minutes he would be dead. But Arthur being creative, Merlin got the last sparkle back and has a fraction of life/magic in him. So no, he is not dead, but very close to it."_

Please forgive me.=D I had no idea what happened. And also, forgive me for posting these chapter as an enormous one, but I hope you won't get bored.

**Reviewing** is supporting. I'm having some troubles keeping up the current update pace, as my enthusiasm has dropped a little. So, reviews is an energy boost to me, even if I'm annoyed to myself for asking them. =D

Story: Damages (Chapter twentythree)

by: **Niphrehdil**

**

* * *

**

Merlin was floating.

He was floating on nothingness. All of his senses were blind and numb. He didn't understand where he was or what had happened.

He had some messy memories from here and there. He remembered the ghost voices in the woods. Then Mordred. Then…it began to be blurry.

He remembered the pain. Merlin could remember the pain really well. At first he hadn't felt nothing, it felt like the time he had accidentally cut himself while sharpening the swords in Camelot, and the blood had flown freely. And then he had gotten dizzy, as he had tried to reach Gaius' chambers without fainting. Arthur had found him after a while and had brought him to Gaius. He had lain there on the bed: feeling just like this.

Like he really wouldn't be there, but partly was. Like the awareness went in and out, stepped forth and then two steps back. Like the nausea grew within every second he could feel the blood flowing out.

But this was just a little bit different.

He had promised to give in freely, so the magic was leaving him rather easily. But as it started to run out, Merlin lost the ability to comprehend anything anymore.

He was in pain. His body was on fire. Every breath was like a stab in his lungs, every heartbeat felt like it rip his insides. Mordred pulled his magic out and he felt like it waved back and forth, back and forth. Because somehow, his body was protesting. It didn't want to give up the magic. _The life._

As Merlin dived deeper into blackness and the world of fire and pain and anxiety, every second felt like hundred knives would have been stabbed into him, turned on the wound and then pulled away. And then the whole thing over again.

This was different from the way the poison had taken him: it had been peaceful.

Merlin had sudden flashing memories about his life. His mother. Will. Balinor .Freya. Gaius. Morgana. Gwaine. Gwen. Lancelot. Gilli. Uther, Ortheus, Alice, Arthur…

Arthur.

Even then the guilt stinged him.

But soon his thoughts weren't coherent. He couldn't move but his body was being destroyed.

Like burning at the pyre…

_Merlin._

Someone called him. Merlin knew it. Sensed with his soles. But he was almost gone. He couldn't…

_Merlin! _

_Fight back…_

It sounded familiar…Just like…Arthur…

Arthur? But how could he be here? He wasn't dead wasn't he?

No. He couldn't be. But even now, Merlin could feel Arthur calling him, begging.

Merlin tried, he tried to do as Arthur asked. He tried to fight it…But he was too far gone.

_Arthur…I'm sorry…. _Merlin tried to say, but his voice didn't work because he couldn't properly feel his body anymore. He was floating.

Then there was black. He didn't find any air. He didn't feel anything. He was gone.

Black.

Nothing.

But then. Distant voices, echoes, movements.

Merlin had no idea what he was or who he was anymore. Was it this what it meant to die?

But then, suddenly everything seemed to sharpen. The pain. The voices. Cold. He felt cold.

Was it…ground he felt? And a thundering sound…Like an earthquake. But it couldn't be.

As Merlin was painfully pulled backwards from his state of numbness, he realized it was the fire rattling…

* * *

Arthur was cold. No matter how much he jumped around and tried to warm himself up, it was very cold. He had taken every possible cloth he wouldn't freeze to death without, and covered Merlin with them. Arthur feared for Merlin's ailing life as the coldness could slowly start to cause hypothermia.

_If he just woke up…_

But Merlin hadn't moved or even twitched. He was breathing normally, and his heartbeat was quite steady, but he didn't respond to anything. Arthur had surely tried. The strangeling worry never left him. He was afraid the time was running short. But the dragon had been sure that Merlin would wake up, sooner or later.

Now that Arthur had decided to kill Mordred, he had faced the new problem: how could he find him? Mordred had disappeared. The dragon had convinced him that Mordred would be coming back to get the last spark of Merlin's magic.

And with that information, Arthur was even more worried. Even if Merlin had taught him a lot about magic, it didn't help him in this situation. Because Mordred was powerful. He wouldn't underestimate the druid boy. If normal weapons didn't work, what could he do?

Arthur felt frustratingly helpless. He realized_ how _helpless he was. During the last year he had learnt to think that Merlin could solve any problem related to magic, but things had taken a wrong turn with that.

At first the prince had suggested that he'd go after Mordred, but the dragon had forbid him. –You can not find him if he doesn't want to be found, young prince. Instead, I am sure that he will come after Merlin. Sooner or later, he wants that last fraction of magic to complete the transition." Kilgarrah had adviced.

So, Arthur had no choice but to wait. He had sought a place to camp. Fortunately there had been this spot which resembled a cave. He was able to put Merlin onto a stone surface, so the snow wouldn't be freezing him. Then he had built a fire and tried to cover Merlin up with everything imaginable that could keep him warm.

The dragon had flown above them, and then disappeared. Arthur couldn't really understand the dragon's way of communicating, but he trusted it now. The thought that a dragon was helping him was so absurd that Arthur didn't even bother to think it through.

Arthur gave up trying to warm up and went to sit next to the fire, letting his eyes slide to Merlin.

Now that the adranaline had partly settled, Arthur started to think about it all. Mordred had caused all of this. He had cursed Merlin or Merlin's magic, and he had gotten sick because of it. It all made sense now how Merlin had acted in Camelot: continuing absense, lack of magic, guilt, sighs, fear.

And the way Merlin had left.

Even if Arthur knew the curse _had_ to be the reason for it, he couldn't be sure. There was a slight suspicion that maybe, just maybe Merlin had meant what he had said. It ate the prince inside.

Merlin had gave up his magic because of him. Even if Arthur had been fine with the fact that Merlin had magic, it had taken a lot of time until he got used to the thought. The first months after it had been confusing. Then it became a somewhat normal aspect of Merlin, a routine in the day. Even if Arthur didn't know what was it like to have magic, he could imagine that letting go of it would be a sacrifice.

Merlin was too eager sacrifing himself for others. It bothered Arthur as much as it worried him. _You are so idiotically loyal._ Arthur shook his head and sighed.

Why was it always so hard with Merlin? Why couldn't it be easy and simple? It seemed that whatever Merlin did, he was able to make the prince confused, frustrated, worried or amused. Sometimes all of it at the same time.

It would be easy if he wished he hadn't met Merlin at all, but he wouldn't be even alive right now if that was true. Merlin had saved his life countless times. And things had changed so much after Merlin had come to Camelot.

Arthur swallowed and fixed his eyes on Merlin. _If this can be fixed with some miraculous way, we still have a lot to talk about. Meaning you have to hang on. Dying isn't an option. _

Suddenly, like an answer to his thoughts, Merlin's fingers twitched and he let out a moan. Arthur got on alert. -Merlin?"

Merlin's face twisted a bit and he moved slightly. A huge relief washed over Arthur. _Thank God. _

It took few minutes more, but slowly Merlin was coming around. Arthur could hear the dragon flying somewhere near above them.

Then, Merlin's eyes fluttered. Arthur just swallowed for the joy. Sincere joy. Even once that was a pure emotion, not mixed to anything that made it confusing.

Lately, he had felt like the emotions had a war inside his head...

Merlin blinked and then his hazel eyes tried to fix their gaze. -Merlin?" Arthur called, carefully. Merlin looked into his direction, and it took awhile before his eyes adjusted. Then they got confused.

Merlin tried to speak but it came out as muffed mutter. Arthur waited patiently, before Merlin coughed once and looked even more confused. -A..tr?" Merlin mumbled.

Arthur nodded. -One and only." he said, trying to sound cheery but failing pretty miserably. Merlin's blurry eyes searched the surroundings, seeming even more confused.

-Wh..t happen...d?" Merlin said, blinking hard.

-Well, that's quite a long story. I hoped that you could fill me in, Merlin." Arthur said, unable to hide the slight rising bitterness in his voice. Actually he was just angry because of Merlin being such an idiot with no self-preservation and also because he had been so afraid and worried, and still was. Even if they had gotten so much closer and more open, Arthur wasn't going to tell Merlin how worried he had actually been. Fortunately he had wiped most of the frozen blood away from his face.

Merlin tried to sit up, but Arthur pushed him down with one hand. -No, stay down. You just woke up." Arthur said._ Why do you have to be such an idiot! You are trying to get up even when you were dying just mere hours ago!_ Partly the prince was angry at himself for being so angry, and partly to Merlin for a good reason.

For once, Merlin did as he was told and stayed down. He looked up to the stars, like trying to remember how on Earth he had ended up there. Nothing really made sense. His mind was hazel.

-How are you feeling?" Arthur asked very quietly. Like sounding ashamed of the question, like it was inappropiate to care.

Merlin glanced at him. -Been...bet-..ter." he said slowly.

Arthur nodded and took a deep breath. Why was it this hard?

-Arthur." Merlin said, like trying whether his voice worked or not. His eyes were staring the sky again. -What happened?" he asked.

The prince sighed. He was feeling irritated, worried, and angry. Was it even possible to feel so much different emotions at the same time? -Well, where would I start? From the beginning when you and I were attacked few weeks ago? Or when you left Camelot, convincing me that you...you..." He paused. -Or from the event where you did the most stupidest thing ever and offered your magic to Mordred?"

Merlin trembled as the name was mentioned. Suddenly it flooded back to him, and the memories were not pleasant. He closed his eyes as his breathing got a more rapid.

Arthur's heart jumped and the worry filled him. -Merlin?" he asked, unsure what was happening. Merlin just nodded, eyes pressed shut tightly. Arthur studied his friend's face and the look on on it speaked volums. He instantly regretted for being so harsh. _Stupid, stupid. Don't you think he is quite scarred too?_

Merlin took few deep breaths, still eyes closed. -You shouldn't be here." he said.

That wasn't certainly was Arthur had excepted to hear. He felt hurt by the words._ Does he really hate me? _Even if the actions proved everything otherwise, the suspicion was there. He couldn't get a word out of his mouth.

Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Arthur. -You shouldn't be here!" he said louder, panic rising. -You need to leave now, Arthur!" Merlin said, hast in his tone. Arthur just shook his head. -I'm not going anywhere. Well, not until Mordred's dead. Then you are free to go where ever you please." Arthur said, hiding his confusion and the amount of hurt.

Merlin looked pained and shook his head. -No, no...It's..." Merlin started. His eyes studied Arthur's face and then slid over his pose. It was then when Arthur realized. -I'm not sick." he said.

Merlin sighed and blinked, looking very tired. -No. You have to leave. If you recovered, then it's a good thing, but you need to go now." Merlin said, and clearly struggling to say it.

Arthur shook his head. Determination took over. -I'm not going anywhere. I'm not sick anymore. It's gone for good now. The curse." he said with a firm tone.

For a moment, Merlin just stared at him, shocked. Arthur sighed. -Yes, I know about the curse, Merlin. Maybe you'd like to share _why _didn't you tell me?"

Merlin shook his head. -You...know?" he said. Arthur just waited him to speak again. Merlin's eyes watered and glittered in the light of the small fire. After a long, meaningful silence, he whispered; -I'm so sorry." He sounded so vulnerable and sincere that Arthur turned his head away. He hated the way a lump was forming to his throat.

Merlin shifted slightly. -I...know I have no right to ask, and...I don't except you to forgive me, but...I'm very sorry for everything." Merlin said, voice shaking. Arthur breathed in and out, in and out. Keeping calm, keeping his composure. Merlin let out a sob. It felt like it stinged Arthur's heart.

-I did what I had to do." Merlin said. Arthur's gaze snapped back to Merlin. Suddenly emotions spilled over. -What you HAD to do?" Arthur shouted. Merlin looked at him, shivering.

Arthur's breathing got rapid and his hands were shaking. -No, Merlin! You were not supposed to_ lie_ to me anymore! You were not supposed to decide about these kinds of things on your OWN! And you are not supposed to_ leave_ like that and then almost DIE in front of my eyes!"

The prince couldn't help the tears dwelling into his eyes, no matter how angrily he tried to blink them away. Merlin's face twisted in regret. He shook his head, clearly about to say something, but Arthur interrupted him. -No, let me finish! If giving your magic to Mordred and curing some stupid sickness wasn't good enough, you were completely IDIOTIC to think that it would be alright that you have died because of me! Clearly you were out of your MIND, if you thought for a second that I wouldn't have CARED, Merlin. For God's sakes, no matter how insulting things you would have said to me when you left Camelot, that wouldn't be true!" he yelled.

For a moment, there was just a long silence. Arthur realized that he had just said something he hadn't thought aloud in his own head.

_"No matter how insulting things you would have said to me when you left Camelot, that wouldn't be true."_

Slowly, Artur took one, deep breathing._ Calm. Calm down_. He started to gain some composure. And then he also realized he had said nothing that he was supposed to. Arthur bit his lip and turned his gaze to Merlin just in time to see how Merlin looked away, ashamed, and tears rolling onto his cheeks. It made Arthur feel even worse.

It was ridiculous but he always felt miserable when Merlin was crying. The prince instantly regretted his harsh tone, even if he had meant all of it.

Merlin sobbed silently, closing his eyes. Tears poured underneath his lips. Arthur felt bad, but he was still just too angry to say anything comforting. Because, really, what was there to say?

Their breaths turned to silvery smoke. The woods around them were silent. The silence seemed to be screaming, because it was unnatural between them.

-I'm..glad that yo-you're not sick anymore." Merlin stuttered, barely audible. Arthur shook his head. Now that most of the worry had easened, the previous anger had taken its turn.

Arthur was too afraid to say anything anymore. He feared that he could say something that he wouldn't be able to take back.

Merlin clearly tried to calm himself down. After a moment, his sobs died away and he turned his head away. Arthur could still see the tears flowing down, though.

-I'm thankful...for what you did, coming after me. I can't repay you. But I'm quite fine now, so you can return to Camelot." Merlin said.

Arthur couldn't believe his ears. -Excuse ME?" he said, voice getting louder. Could Merlin really be that...that..._idiotic_?

Merlin didn't look at him. -You can go. It's alright." Merlin said again, his voice shaking.

_Do you really think that is what this is all about? That I came here just to save you and then leave you like this, when you can't even stand up on your own?_

Arthur took deep breathes and tried not to explode. He forced himself to be calm. Then, with a very low and calm voice, the prince said: -Even the fact that you even_ consider _the possibility I would leave you right now, insults me. I'm going to say this only once, Merlin. I know about the curse. I know why did you do it, and I should be the grateful one here. You almost died few hours ago in front of my eyes, and you're not doing much better right now. I'm not going to leave you." Arthur took a breath. Merlin turned his head towards him, but their eyes didn't meet.

_I'm so happy that you even survived._

Arthur swallowed. -And yes, the curse is broken. And yes, I _am_ very angry and disappointed. But Merlin, I'm not going to leave you alone until you get your magic back. After that you are free to go where ever you please."

Arthur's mind seemed to be on the edge of chaos.

Merlin's eyes flickered onto his. Arthur sligtly shivered when he remembered that angry and bitter mask that same face had gotten the last time they had talked. Had it been fake? Completely fake?

_Are you still you? Was it you all the time? Not that bitter stranger...  
_

Merlin's eyes were filled with pain and regret. But also, surprise. Confusion. Merlin's blue eyes stared into the prince's eyes, and they shared a long glance. Then Merlin let out a weak smile. -I'm...I...you..." he mumbled. -I thought you..." he started but his voice faded.

Arthur gritted his teeth for the memory. -I thought so too." he said and got up, as he couldn't take the pressure inside his chest.

He turned towards the fire to hide his sorrow, back turned to Merlin.

The knowledge strangled his throat. The knowledge that Merlin might not live even a whole year. How could he say that to Merlin? How could he...

Arthur hated this. He hated this because he didn't know what he should think or feel. Should be grateful that Merlin had been ready to give his magic away? Or should he be angry that Merlin had lied to him, again? Should he be angry to Merlin, because he was still hurt and disturbed by the words Merlin had said to him the day he left Camelot?

But almost losing Merlin only few hours ago, fearing for his life, had felt so terrible, so agonizing...Could he live with the fact that if he didn't succeed, Merlin would have about a year to live?

_A year._

Could he accept the thought that no matter what he thought or _did_ or how hurt he _felt_, it wouldn't change the fact that Merlin was dying. Slowly, very slowly, but _dying_. And when a year or two had passed...he would have to say goodbye to his friend.

He couldn't do it. Not again. He had once thought that Merlin was gone forever. For that one time, he had just might've gotten over it, but not again. Not again. Because no matter how controversial he felt about Merlin or how distant they would grow, Merlin would die.

Because of him. Because Merlin had refused to let him die. Why shouldn't he return the favor? _What if I can't? What if I fail?_

_Why are you so selfish? You are selfish for sacrifing yourself, so that I'm left back to suffer the absence and the gried and the guilt? Why, Merlin? Why? Why did you do this? __  
_

So many questions. Arthur had been emotionally striken few times in his life, but this...this was something completely different. He was angry at Merlin, but also so happy that he lived. He was furious for the world for making him care about so much about someone ripping it all away from him.

Why did he even care? Why were their friendship so twisted in many way?

Prince and a manservant. Simple human and a magical being. Why did they had to be so different? And why, despite how different they were, they ended up sacrificing each other time after time?

If that was something that destiny had to do with, destiny sucked.

Their lives were unfair because so much had been decided long before them. Did he really have a choice in it?

Arthur heard Merlin shifting behind him.

-Arthur..."

Arthur sighed.

-I didn't mean a word that I said." Merlin said, barely audible.

Arthur pressed his eyes tightly shut._ Why does he know me so well? What is wrong with this world? Why can't it just leave us alone?_

That was everything Arthur had wanted to hear, but..._  
_

-I don't deserve your forgiveness after everything I said, and I really don't except you to even listen to me, but..." Merlin searched for words. -I'm sorry. I can't even tell how sorry I am. But you can't even imagine how hard it was to me...Mordred would've killed you, it was just a matter of time. I couldn't let him do it."

Arthur wanted to scream again that he didn't give a damn about Mordred right now. _You are dying. You won't live long. How I can spend that time being mad at you? How can I ever tell you the truth?_ But he kept quiet. The fire rattled, but the coldness hung between them.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello!**

This fic has grown to be a gigantic. Seriously, at first I thought this would be about the same length as Friendship called treason, but here we are...chapter twentyfour. And I admit that it's getting rather dark and heavy right now. It's even heavy to write sometimes, but what do you know? It's also my passion to make the readers think or feel something while reading, no matter how small or vague the feeling/thought would be.

That's also the reason why I kept grinning hours and hours after someone says that s/he has laughed/cried and etc. =) And the reviews for the previous chapter were truly amazing. Thank you all, keep it coming!=)

This is quite a heavy chapter. You have been warned.

_Ps. I apologize for the grammar and spelling errors once again. I'm trying my best with those. _

Story: Damages (Chapter twentyfour)

by:** Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin's body was aching. His head weighed like lead and he was exhausted. But all of was nothing compared to the agonizing pressure in his chest.

He was lying on the cold stone, right where Arthur had left him. Blue light had taken over the woods, like everything had frozen._ Which just might not be far from the truth._

He had been so confused to see Arthur, that he hadn't even realized he had actually _survived. _The whole transition had blurred into a distant memory of pain, power and suffering. Merlin didn't recall much of it, but he did know that he shouldn't have lived through it. Not in any circumstances.

But yet, he had. It brought many questions.

_How had Arthur found out? How had he figured out the whole thing and then came after me?_ And most importantly: _why_?

Merlin knew he had said things that he could never take back. Horrible things that he should have never said aloud to Arthur. But still, the prince had come after him, to try and save him. He felt insanely guilty and also, ashamed. He had thought the whole time that he would never see Arthur again and never have to face the damage he had done.

Merlin wiped the cold tears from his face and looked up to the stars. Soon, they blurred again as the unstoppable flow of the tears continued.

He was very aware of Arthur sitting next to the fire. Quiet. Unmoving.

They didn't look at each other. There seemed to be miles between them.

Merlin gasped as the agony washed over him. _I've ruined everything. I let Mordred become Mordys. I don't have any magic. I can't defend Arthur or Camelot. And...Arthur hates me. _

Merlin bit his lip. _He will never forgive me. _

But one thing bothered him more than anything: why was he alive? Merlin felt different. He felt exhausted, powerless; like all of his strength had suddenly disappeared. He felt _drained._

He knew his magic was gone. But how could that be? He was breathing. Even if he wasn't sure if he could stand on his own, he knew he was very much alive. Merlin thought about trying some spell, but then refused. The thought that he wouldn't be able to do anything was scary. He was powerless,_ helpless_.

He turned his glance to Arthur. The prince's pose seemed slumped. Merlin could sense the anger from him. He was desperate to know what had happened.

_Why am I still alive? How did Arthur found out the truth?_

At least the sickness was gone. Although, Arthur's shirt was covered in dried blood and he had some faint marks of it on his face. Merlin didn't think he had been bleeding, so the blood must've been Arthur's own. The thought terrified him. Was Arthur wounded?

He didn't seem to be. All of the blood was already dried. Merlin concluded that it must've been something...that had happened before. Was it because of the sickness? Had Arthur come near to him despite the illness?

Merlin trembled for the thought. He couldn't even imagine how heavy the sickness had stricken the prince if his magic had been raw, open, in the transition. Arthur could've died in mere _minutes_.

_For some reason Arthur left Camelot, found out the truth about the curse and..._

All of the conclusions Merlin had drawn, were awful. Arthur had come after him. Then seen the transition or at least a part of it. He had gotten sick but somehow, his magic had died because the curse was gone.

Merlin swallowed. So for a moment, he had really been dead?

He glanced Arthur again. Compassion flooded into him. This wasn't certainly an easy subject to the prince. Arthur had never been very comfortable with expressing feelings. He had gotten better throughout the last year they had spent together, but now, it all seemed to be worse than before the whole poisoning. Arthur was angry. And hurt. And very likely - worried.

A hurt and angry prince who was worried was nothing good. Merlin swallowed and took a breath.

_Do I still have magic?_

He concentrated, trying to sense whether he had magic in him, but instead, he sensed someone else.

The dragon's presence. Merlin's eyes snapped open and he struggled to sit up. Everything swayed for a while, but after blinking hard for a few times, his eyes adjusted.

Merlin looked around, and sensed Kilgarrah. _Why on Earth is he here? He should have nothing to with this... _

Things clicked. Merlin threw one glance at Arthur sitting next to the fire, back turned to him. _That's how he knew! It must've been! Kilgarrah..._

Merlin felt irritation raising. Deep down he knew he wasn't truly angry at the dragon, but right now, getting all of his sorrow, frustration and confusion aimed at someone seemed a good idea. So Merlin pulled himself up from the ground, only to fall right back.

The dizziness was overwhelming and it seemed that even little efforts made him feel exhausted. Merlin blinked and placed his hand against the cold stone. It helped.

-Merlin?" a familiar voice asked. _No, Arthur, I'm going to get some answers._

A fleeding, sad thought reminded him that he wasn't able to talk Arthur about this, because even talking to him in every level was painful. _  
_

Merlin decided that he should be capable of walking. So even if his head and legs protested, he heaved himself up. Everything swayed and he almost fell right back to the ground, but concentrating everything he got, Merlin was able to stand.

His sight was hazel and all of the trees and lights and snow was twisting in unnatural ways before him. His ears were ringing. _You have to keep going. Find the dragon and ask him why on Earth has he interfered to this!_

The thought gave him a bit more strength and Merlin managed to start walking towards the spot he could sense the dragon was. -Merlin!" he heard Arthur shouting, sounding both worried and angry.

_No, Arthur, I'm sorry but I have to know. I need those answers._ Merlin continued walking. He heard distantly as Arthur rose up from the ground.

The cold air hit his face and everything seemed strange. Like he had lost the certain of amount of some sense._ Like magic._

Merlin gritted his teeth and continued walking. He had walked about ten metres among the dark trees, when the dragon flew down to a clearing before him. Merlin thanked every power and luck he knew as he stumbled forward that he didn't need to walk further.

The dragon's eyes were wide. -Merlin, your condition isn't well enough for this." Kilgarrah said with some hast in his voice. Merlin tried to look at the dragon, but the shape of it twisted and turned in odd angles. He heard running steps behind him, but he ignored them.

-What happened? Why did you involve Arthur in this? I didn't give you a permission!" Merlin shouted, and his voice sounded weird on his own ears. His whole body was protesting against this, his head swam and the ringing got louder in his ears.

Merlin felt so drained that he couldn't help tears start falling again. He felt so helpless. Because he had been _drained_.

He was sad and angry and scared. Everything was messed up. He just wanted to_ know_ what had happened.

-Young warlock, you shouldn't be up. You are pushing your body to an extreme limit." the dragon said, sounding a bit angry.

-WHAT happened?" Merlin shouted, heart thundering now as it took more and more of his strength to stand up.

-Your stupidity is surprising me, Merlin. You are not well. I do not think that it would take much from you to realize it yourself." the dragon crowled, clearly upset.

Merlin shook his head and crossed his arms. -Are you going to tell me, or will I have to command you?" he said, angrily. His ears were ringing, he could barely hear anything.

The dragon tilted its head. -Very well." it said, even if it sounded reluctant. -I do admit that I have taken apart in this chain of events. But I had a good reason for it, too."

Merlin tried to blink the tears away again, but couldn't. -Which was?" he said with a demanding tone.

Kilgarrah seemed to be akward. -I knew that the path you had taken woud lead into a destiny, where your life would have ended. I could not let that happen, as you are the last dragonlord. So I warned the young Pendragon. "

Merlin shook his head, stunned. -So you did this because you were_ selfish_? You didn't want me to die because I happen to be the only one of my kind? And that's why you involved Arthur, too?"

Kilgarrah took a breath. -That was necessary to put things in motion so that the destiny would alter from the original path." the dragon said.

That just made Merlin's emotions spill over. -No, you were not suppose to interfere in this! Arthur was NOT supposed to know about this! He was supposed to stay in Camelot! Do you realize that you risked his life by sending him here? He could have died! It was supposed to be only me, so that the curse would be broken!" Merlin shouted, but his voice broke in the end.

Just before the dragon was about to open its mouth and say something, its eyes flickered away from Merlin to somewhere behind him. Merlin hesitated, but when the dragon's eyes didn't turn back to him, he turned slowly around.

There, standing alone near the tree line, stood Arthur. Shocked.

_Oh God. No no no...He shouldn't have heard that. He shouldn't have followed...shouldn't have heard...  
_

Arthur shook his head very slowly, blinking, like it was hard to comprehend what he had just heard. The prince took a deep breath and lifted his arm in the air. -You...knew that you were going to die?" he asked, incredulous, blinking.

There was a shocked silence.

Tension filled the air and Merlin looked to the ground. All of the anger faded. All he was left with was just the guilt, shame, hurt..._You shouldn't have heard it...I didn't know..._

Before he could answer, Arthur's shaking voice continued:

-You lied to me so that you could go to Mordred and give your magic away...And making sure that no one would follow you."

The cold wind made the hot tears freeze like ice on Merlin's cheeks. -I...I wasn't sure whether I would survive or not. I..." But his voice faded. He had no right to ask for Arthur's forgiveness. He had no right to do anything anymore. He had smashed every remaining piece of their friendship.

-You would have died, young warlock. But thanks to the prince, one last fraction of it remained in you." the dragon said. Merlin turned his head up to the dragon, surprised.

-Wh...what?" Merlin stuttered.

The dragon's eyes had a ray of sympathy in them. -The transition was not finished. You, Merlin, hold now the last piece of the magic that Mordred nees to complete it. Without it, he can't become Mordys."

Merlin gasped. Kilgarrah continued, voice low: -You, however, have lost almost all of your lifeforce, Merlin. Without it you won't live long. A year is quite as much I can foresee."

Merlin's mouth cracked open. Stunned, he shook his head. -But..." he just whispered, barely audible. Merlin's eyes blurred from the tears. _No. That can't be true. Just when...when I thougth that I had survived and the sickness was gone, and... A year? One year... _Suddenly the ringing in his ears got louder and his head swam. His body felt heavy and his eyesight blurred.

-Merlin!" A familiar, angry voice shouted behind him and just the second Merlin felt someone gripping his arm, his eyesight blackened and his knees gave out.

Blackness surrounded him.

It was comforting, but it also reminded him that...it would sooner or later claim him. Merlin struggled towards the surface. _I don't want to die...not so soon..._

He opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the blue material that was covered in dried blood. Merlin blinked and realized it was Arthur.

Merlin straightened up a bit. It seemed that Arthur had just caught him before he had hit the ground. They were sprawled across the snowy ground.

The prince's presence made the haunting blackness seem so scary, so inevitable...

Merlin just couldn't hold it together anymore. It was _too much_.

Everything came crushing down. Merlin took a grip from Arthur's blue coat, hoping he would he never have to let go.

He was so _tired_. Weak. Cold. Exhausted. _Drained. _And that's all just because he was _dying_. Dying. Slowly. Drifting away. Weakening.

He didn't want this. He didn't want to be so weak that he could barely stand up on his own.

He had known something was wrong from the moment he had woken up. Because his body wasn't working like it used to be. Something was missing..._ A year to live? A year..._  
It seemed like the world seemed to be so cruel that after a one good year without any worries and secrets, it had to turn this way, and the second year he would spend shriveling.

_Things were too good to be true. Why isn't there a way where Arthur and me could both be fine? Why? _

_Why couldn't this end up well? That I survived from the transition, even without my magic, and maybe Arthur could have forgiven me and things could've been like they used to...  
_

And despite everything he had put Arthur through, Merlin could not help but to bury his face against the prince's shoulder, tears pouring again. The thick material seemed comforting, and even if the prince tensed, he didn't pull away. _ I'm sorry...I hate how much I hurt you. I hate myself for betraying your trust again. I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry for everything..._

Merlin sobbed and suddenly the cold made him shiver. But the winter around them couldn't compete with the ice that had just frozen Merlin's heart, set the clock ticking. _Tick tock, tick tock..._

_I hate the way our lives are unfair...I hate Mordred and every prophecy that was written before us. _

_Our destiny is cursed.  
_

_There is nothing good about it. People just are dying around me and I end up hurting you and lying to you every time. Maybe I don't deserve to live..._

_Maybe this should happen...Maybe we should have never even met. It would've been better that way, because I just can't go on like this..._

Merlin sobbed and whispered: -I'm sorry, Arthur, I'm so sorry..."

The freezing wind blowing around them only highlighted the warmth radiating from Arthur's body. Everything that was slowly disappearing from Merlin... _Life. Blood. Warmth. Pulse. _

_Life._ Merlin closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the eerie sounds of the wind, humming to him like death itself. Coldness. Blackness...

_Don't let me go. Please...Don't... _Merlin's grip from Arthur tightened.


	25. Chapter 25

**Hi again!**

Wow, you guys, the reviews made me speechless. I don't even...=D

But the drama doesn't end here. I'm evil, I know. (Even if I still partly panic for the monsterous size of this fic.)

Anyway, with no more boring author rambling, here's chapter twentyfive.

Are you ready? ;)

_Reviews are support. =)_

Story: Damages (Chapter twentyfive)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur was on the edge of going insane.

If the chaos of his own mind wouldn't be enough, Merlin had found out the truth. The awful, scary truth that made everything else look small and unimportant.

The cold winter wind blew mercilessly and Arthur realized he had a frostbite on the side of his head. He didn't care.

He had no idea how long they had been there. Sprawled on the ground. Arthur hated the snow. He hated the coldness, the wind. He hated everything that just gave more problems. It wasn't like they wouldn't have any already. It also reminded him a lot about how he had felt a year ago: cold. Numb. Freezing, like he was shivering and suffering from a coldness that just couldn't be warmed up and taken away.

These were tricky things. They always were. Arthur wouldn't be able to express the feeling with words, but he knew the familiar feeling of what a world without Merlin felt like. It was much like this dead landscape before him. The prince knew that a year or two from now, he might be alone on this clearing.

Arthur didn't accept the thought. He refused.

He wasn't really that used to someone's touch, either, but he didn't have the heart to pull away from Merlin. Merlin had clinged onto him like he would be a lifeline which, horrifyingly, was partly true.

Arthur was numb. Merlin's presence seemed to scream the situation right into his face.

Arthur didn't know anything anymore. He had no idea why things had ended up so wrong.

Merlin's quiet sobs had faded after a while, now he was just clinging onto Arthur, without moving. Arthur couldn't move, either. He was frozen in the place because he didn't know where to go. Nothing would make it _alright._

He could take Merlin back to Camelot and protect him from Mordred. But then he would be forced to watch Merlin wither away. That would be the worst thing he could imagine.

Slow torture.

Arthur stared into nothingness.

The wind was crippling but he didn't even feel it. The dragon stood majestically next to them, head bowed.

What if he failed to kill Mordred? That wasn't even a small 'if'. Would it become a suicide?

And if he tried to kill Mordred, then he would have to let that druid near to Merlin. That way he would also risk Merlin's life. Arthur bit his lip.

_This is wrong. What did I do - what did any of us do to deserve this?_

Arthur looked down to Merlin's dark hair.

His thoughts circled again. He could only think about how he already_ knew_ what it felt like to lose Merlin. Once before, he had thought his friend was gone. The memory of it...the feelings, the thoughts. Arthur had spent two days without Merlin in his world. He knew how hollow and empty it would become.

_I can't do this. I'm not able to do this again. _

Arthur hated caring so much. It was a _weakness_. He should have never gotten so attached to Merlin, so close to him...Maybe this wouldn't have happened.

It was insane how Merlin had become a part of his life. Part of the way he thought, acted, talked. He had spent pretty much every day of his life with Merlin during the six years they had known each other.

There wasn't a day without Merlin. Arthur couldn't form an idea of it. Merlin was the first person he saw in the morning, who stayed with him during the day, visited in the evening, And then another day would come and it would start all over again.

_I was stupid to think that I could become as I used to be. I'm not that person anymore. _

Arthur looked down at his broken hand and remembered the blind rage he had felt when he had smashed his fist against a stone wall. The rage was all gone now.

Why Merlin had to be so stubborn? Why did he had to get up, for God's sakes, and try to walk just mere hours after he had almost died? And walked through the woods to talk to a dragon, just to be told that...

Arthur's eyes burnt. What could he say? There was _nothing_ that he could say to make it better.

Arthur felt selfish for being so hurt, even if Merlin was the one who needed help. He felt like he wasn't allowed to feel bad because of the fate Merlin had received from all of this.

He wasn't _allowed_ to feel any of those emotions. Because Merlin was the one dying...

Arthur looked darkly towards the woods. _I'm going to rip Mordred's heart out._

_

* * *

_The night had settled. Arthur couldn't get any sleep. Neither did Merlin.

Merlin was leaning against a tree next to the fire. Arthur sat opposite of him, also staring into the fire. The wind was still blowing hard and the fire struggled not be put out by it.

Merlin hadn't said anything in four hours. After he had gathered himself, they had gotten back to the camp. Merlin was scaringly silent as he just sat and stared the fire.

Tears had stop.

Arthur didn't know what he should feel. He was feeling sorrow, anger, frustration, confusion. Strong hate towards Mordred. Inside, he was a chaos. Outside, he just sat quietly and wasn't able to say anything. What was there to say?

So they both stared into the fire. The wind had almost put it out few times, but it kept struggling. Arthur felt like the fire had begun to mean so much more right now...

Like the fire was their only connection now. as their whole conversation had run dry. There were no words for it._ So much death. _

The wind got stronger and the fire weakened. Suddenly, it went out.

Arthur's eyes snapped up to Merlin. Merlin's face was filled with hurt. Anxiety made a lump in to prince's throat.

He wanted the fire to be lit again. All of a sudden, he felt the urge to show that the fire hadn't went out. Light had disappeared, like the hope had already died...

Arthur knew that the weather was too bad. Cold started to spread to his fingers quickly.

Merlin's eyes never lef the spot of the fire. He didn't look up to the prince, he just kept staring. Arthur felt helpless.

_I_ am_ helpless..._

But then suddenly, determination filled Merlin face. Merlin lifted his hand up in to the air. Arthur gasped so quickly that the air got stuck in his throat, unable to stop him.

Merlin swallowed with sad eyes and whispered: -_Forebearna_."

His eyes turned to gold and a small flame lit up. Arthur gasped. Merlin looked up, the gold still in his eyes. Their glances met, as the light slowly faded from Merlin's eyes, returning to their deep blue.

Merlin's breathing got heavier and he paled for a bit. Arthur tensed. -Merlin...?" he asked, unsure.

Merlin closed his eyes. -I'm fine." he said. It seemed like Merlin was washed over by relief, even if the spell had clearly taken its toll. And what Arthur had learnt from spells was that the fire spell was an easy one. He bit his lip.

-You shouldn't have." the prince said, quietly. Merlin didn't answer. Arthur sighed. -You shouldn't restrain yourself." he said.

Merlin opened his eyes and he looked at Arthur. He had an odd look on his face. Arthur looked at his friend, confused. -Are you alri..."

-Yes, I'm fine." Merlin said, interrupting, then looked down, clearly swallowing back some emotions.

Arthur sighed. Why was this so hard? The silence hung heavily in the air.

-Merlin..."

-Don't."

Arthur looked up, surprised, just to see that Merlin was looking away. -But..."

-Don't. Don't tell me that it's going to be alright and there is nothing to worry about. You are going back to Camelot alone. At least one of us survives, then." Merlin said.

Arthur gasped. -Excuse me?" he shouted.

Merlin looked to him. The silent despair in his eyes made Arthur shiver. -I'm living on a borrowed time, Arthur. There is no need for you to get yourself killed."

Arthur felt the frustrated anger growing. -I'm not going to get..."

-Really, Arthur? If you have any idea how you can beat Mordred, please share it with me. He can snap your neck by snapping your fingers." Merlin said, voice breaking at the end of his sentence.

Arthur frowned as the irritation took over. -Try to fit it in your thick skull that I'm NOT leaving!" he yelled.

Merlin shook his head, looking sad. Suddenly his voice got low. -Arthur, I'm dying. It's inevitable. And it's alright, because the curse is gone now. I know what I signed up for. I knew the risk from the very start, so I shouldn't even complain. At least I got a year more. That's the way it should be seen." Merlin swallowed. -There is no need to try to kill Mordred, because he will just rip the last fraction of the magic he needs and then he'll become Mordys. And after that, he is unbeatable. It's too much of a risk."

Arthur's eyes burnt. -And that wasn't a risk when you decided to give your magic away? I won't let you die. You hear me? Mordred will be killed and you will get your magic back."

Merlin looked at him with a sad glance. His eyes glistened. After a long moment, Merlin whispered: -I know it's hard. It's unfair and cruel and wrong but it just happened. There is nothing that will change it. But I can't let you die either, Arthur. You need to live."

Arthur shook his head, furiously, as his eyes burnt now. -So do you! You are not less worth than me, you are wrong to think that! It's not about titles or statuses, Merlin. I don't care about those things. Can't you just understand that what you did was the most unselfish and also the most stupidest thing that there is! You didn't want me to die. I don't know why you can't understand that it works both ways!"

Arthur took a breath. Merlin was clearly struggling against tears. The cold wind made the fire bounced uncontrollably in the wind between them. The prince took another, deep breath.

-I am not letting you die. There is no placement for argue. You can't stop me. I refuse to stand by and watch you fade away." _We have been through so much. After wars, battles, adventures and years and years...You refused to leave when the need was dire. Over and over again, if your own life was on the line. Why should I do any differently?_

One tear escaped Merlin's eye. There was a short silence. -You are not going to give up, are you?" he asked.

Arthur shook his head. Merlin smiled faintly. Then it faded. -Arthur, I just...I didn't mean a word that I said back then..."

The prince took a breath and turned to look away, agony gripping his throat. -But all of it was true." he whispered, barely audible.

Merlin trembled. -No, it wasn't! I...I don't blame you for what happened to Gaius. It wasn't your fault..."

Arthur shook his head. -It is. And it's true. That you didn't tell me the truth because...you weren't sure whether I'd save you from the pyre. And...I didn't."

-No, it's not true!" Merlin said, voice unstable. Desperation was clearly present in his voice.

Arthur took a deep breath and lifted his chin up. -I know it's true. You don't need to explain."

Merlin shook his head, wordless.

_I know it's true. I turned my back when you needed my help. And when I realized it, it was already too late. It was because of my actions and decisions that lead to the poisoning and Gaius' death. _

_It wasn't your fault. I never learnt from my mistakes. I almost was too late again. This time I will not this let end bad. I will fix it, no matter what. I owe you that._

-I'm not sorry I met you." Merlin added quietly.

_Neither am I. _

Arthur wanted it to be alright. He didn't want to be angry and hurt anymore. He didn't want to see Merlin like this, sad and broken. He didn't want any of it. Even if it was very hard for him, Arthur decided to let go of his bitterness.

-I know." Arthur said. Merlin's face lit up and very weakly, Arthur smiled. Merlin's face changed, like a stone had rolled off from his heart. Merlin smiled back, too. An unspoken 'thank you' hung in the air. But there was no need to say it.

Part of the sorrow died away as Arthur knew that things were little a bit better between them now. Maybe...maybe they could be alright again.

The fire rattled between them, but a bit stronger than before.

Arthur tilted his head slightly. _This will end soon. _He looked into the black woods, letting out a dark smile.

_Come on and play, Mordred. I promise we won't go down easily.  
_


	26. Chapter 26

**Hi again!**

Ah the suspense. I never really planned it all, but I think my mind has some weird passion to create it.

Well, here it goes again. Please don't get bored.=D

One question: is this getting creepy time to time? I think the woods are pretty creepy medieval woods. Hope I get that feeling through when it's necessary. (To be honest, even I think Mordred is creepy. Seriously. There is nothing creepier than creepy kids.)

Reviews are support. (I'm getting repetative, I know.)

Story: Damages (Chapter twentysix)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Merlin had always been a little impatient person, but now he had taken it all to a complete next level.

Spending four days in the dark, cold woods had been terrible. It wasn't just cold out there - he was feeling exhausted all the time and couldn't sleep properly. That was because he was scared that Mordred would appear, even if Arthur promised to keep watch and wake him up if he did.

Arthur had been very impatient, too. Merlin knew the prince hated waiting, so this was quite a torment to him. The prince kept making spears and arrows and everything that kept him doing something useful. He walked around the woods, learning the paths and roads there. He made the dragon explain every possible detail about the woods. He drew some lines and patterns to the snow with a stick, obviously making some plans.

Merlin was too tired to do any of that. He felt like he could just lay in the ground all day and still feel tired. He hated being so weak, and tried his best not to worry Arthur, but he needed to gather some strength. If there was any to gather.

Scary thoughts had passed Merlin's mind through those days. He wondered whether he would even feel better if they returned to Camelot. Would his days become like this? Unable to do anything, just being tired and not getting any rest? Slow exhaustion.

He refused to believe it. The thought was crippling. And what it seemed, Arthur wouldn't give up. Merlin couldn't help but to smile. When the prince made his mind about something, there wasn't no place for argue. Surely he had tried once in a while. But something pushed Arthur to this. Merlin guessed it might have something to do with the whole poisoning incident a year back. But of course that was something Arthur never wanted to talk about. It was a forbidden subject, even after a year.

The silence between them was unnerving. Partly Arthur had forgiven him, but Merlin wondered was it because of the dangerous situation. They talked very rarely. Merlin swallowed and looked down at his hands.

_I hope that it just isn't the fact that I'm dying..._

Even if he had never spoken it aloud, Merlin had wondered would things have ended up differently if Arthur wasn't forced to thought of him gone. Would Arthur still had forgiven him? Accepted his magic as a part of him?

It took a lot of time before Arthur actually started to get comfortable with the magic. It had been clearly hard for him for during the first months...

_Stop. This has nothing to do with the situation. You need to concentrate. _

Merlin took a deep breath and glanced up from the fire he was sitting next to. He could see Arthur observing the surroundings of their camp, dagger in his left hand. Just in case...Arthur never went too far, he kept a close eye on Merlin.

Merlin had refused to feel sorry for himself and tried to let go of the haunting thoughts about death. They seemed to hang right at the back of his mind constanstly.

The anxiety never left his body, but on the outside he didn't want Arthur to see it. Clearly the prince was struggling already...

Instead of thinking about the future, Merlin had started to think about the actual fight there would be. _Well, supposing there will be a fight, not slaughter._

Mordred wanted the rest of his magic. What would the druid do? _Surely the fact that I'm not giving it away willingly, doesn't matter anymore. He's so powerful and I'm so weak. So maybe the only solution is that he shouldn't have enough time to take it? _

Merlin knew now that he still had magic that worked. It had been a risk to make a fire spell five days ago, but it was worth it. The familiar rush of magic and the presence of it was so relieving, even if it had taken its toll on him. Merlin just swallowed and ignored the conclusions.

Could he go against Mordred? Probably not.

_Do we even have any hope? _

_No...Arthur is just getting himself killed...  
_

_No, stop. You can't think that way!_

Merlin shivered. He watched Arthur looking up to the trees and observing the ground, glancing back at him once in a while. There was no denying that the danger hung low in the atmosphere.

No one sait it aloud, but the wait filled with fear was clearly present. Arthur would never admit he was afraid, but...

Merlin felt the urge to get moving. He hated sitting here and waiting,_ thinking._ He glanced away towards the clearing. Maybe he could talk with Kilgarrah? Merlin decided it would be the most useful thing he could do so very carefully he pulled himself up.

Arthur's head turned sharply to him. Merlin just nodded, letting out a faint smile. _I'm fine. _ Arthur studied him for a moment, and then turned away to continue.

Merlin walked slowly under the high trees, as the slight dizziness was stubbornly hanging at the back of his head. Kilgarrah came to view slowly. Merlin had wondered why the dragon had stayed on the nearby clearing willingly, as he had not commanded it to stay there. Kilgarrah's overall appearance and involvement was surprising.

Merlin shook his head darkly. Maybe the dragon was here because it knew how bad the situation was?

_Stop. Stop it._

He swallowed and tried to think about something else. First thing that sprang into mind was Arthur's behaviour towards the dragon. It was rather interesting. Of course Merlin had told the prince about Kilgarrah and Balinor and his own legacy as a dragonlord, but Arthur had never actually _met_ the dragon before. Fighting against it didn't count.

However, Arthur didn't seem to hold a grudge for it, which surprised Merlin. Kilgarrah had killed dozens of Camelot's peasants, and it was indeed dangerous if it came to that. But Arthur seemed to be uncertain whether he should treat the dragon as an equal or as someone below him. The fact that Kilgarrah was a _dragon,_ was quite tricky for Arthur in the first place. One thing Arthur had learnt very quickly was that Kilgarrah wasn't stupid. Merlin couldn't help but to chuckle. Arthur had gotten really frustrated the other evening when he had asked questions from the dragon.

_-How can it be that...that inaccurate? This...Kilmerra..."_

_-Kilgarrah."_

_-Whatever his name is, talks with riddles! And, it's _arrogant_!" _Arthur had roared after the conversation. Merlin had tried not to laugh. Arthur's quick temper certainly didn't easen the conversations between Kilgarrah and him. But it didn't stop the prince for trying. It had been the only rather light-mooded thing in the past few days...

Merlin finally reached the clearing. Kilgarrah turned its head. -Merlin." it greeted.

Merlin nodded. Kilgarrah studied his face. -Did that Pendragon sent you to talk for him?" it said, sounding a bit irritated. Merlin shook his head. -No. But I came here to talk with you."

Kilgarrah lowered its head. -And what would it be about, young warlock?"

Merlin eyed the dragon. After a slight pause, he said: -Will my remaining magic have any effect on Mordred?"

Kilgarrah's glance hardened. -You are surely not suggesting that?" it answered.

Merlin huffed. -I'm just asking. And you can simply answer me."

Kilgarrah looked reluctant. -You should not consider that, Merlin. I will remind you of the fact that you are weak and should not fight."

-But I am going to. I won't just sit around and watch. Because Arthur does not have any magic at all, he can just fight with weapons."

-The prince is trained to kill with physical weapons, whereas druids have not. Mordred can fight with his mind and no weapons are no match for it. It also worries me that the young Pendragon's other hand is broken badly." the dragon said.

Merlin frowned. -He hasn't said anything about that."_ Typical Arthur._

Merlin looked into the dragon's golden eyes. An anxious silence hung for a moment. -Do you think we have any chance?"

The dragon sighed. -I can not foresee it, Merlin. The destinies are now broken and entwined, and this has rarely happened before. It may be that the future holds the outcome of many destinies."

Merlin shook his head. -No, I asked do _you_ think that we have any chance?"

Kilgarrah kept quiet for a long time. -I think many things, young warlock. None of them make any difference for what is going to happen. Such things as prophecies and destinies are tricky things. Some of them might come to pass even if their original background is changed."

Merlin sighed. There was a long silence, and Kilgarrah shifted its huge body. -Do not fall into desperation, Merlin. It is true that Mordred is very powerful now. But also, you and the prince have a weapon that Mordred can not even see there exists."

Merlin's brows furrowed and he stared the dragon, confused. -Which is?" he asked, puzzled.

-Friendship. Those kinds of bonds are not familiar to Mordred as his heart is cold as stone. He can not understand it nor see the true power of it. He knows how to take advantage of it but doesn't comprehend how these kinds of things work. Even if there are cracks and wounds in the friendship between you and Arthur, it is still very strong."

Merlin looked down. _Well, right now_, _it just makes it all harder..._

Kilgarrah lowered its head. -Sometimes the simplest things are the most powerful ones, Merlin."

Merlin turned his head to the dragon, and somehow sensed that those words were an advice.

-Thank you." he said quietly.

* * *

Merlin was deep in his thoughts, walking towards the camp, when he was interrupted by Arthur. The prince's steps were somehow too careful and controlled. It drew Merlin's attention, and he stopped when he saw the odd look on the prince's face. Arthur reached him with few steps and stopped right next to him, glancing to the trees.

-What?" Merlin asked, voice unsure. It was afternoon, and the light was already fading.

Arthur looked around, eyes suspicious. -It's too quiet."

Merlin looked up to the high trees and let his gaze slid around the landscape.

It was actually scaringly silent.

Birds didn't sing. Animals didn't rattle the branches or the snow. The trees were still. Not a breath of wind was there. Slow, thin fog circled the woods, moving like a ghost. It was unnatural silence.

Merlin looked back to Arthur. The prince locked eyes with him, and for a moment they shared a glance.

The air seemed to become heavy, dirty. It tasted different.

Just when Merlin was about to say something, he suddenly heard a little girl's laughter. His eyes snapped towards the sound, but it circled and faded, bounced everywhere around him. Echoing strangely.

-What?" Arthur asked behind him, voice now low.

Merlin made a hushing sound. Arthur kept quiet.

Merlin felt the odd twinkling in his fingers again. _Something is not right._ Then he heard a sudden whisper.

Another.

Then several of them. Merlin tried to trace the sound, but couldn't. Cold shivers ran up his back.

Arthur became impatient, a hint of worry in his voice. -Merlin, what is it?" Merlin turned to look at the prince, surprised. -Can't you hear it?"

Arthur looked confused. -Hear what?" He looked around, carefully.

Merlin shook his head. His heart started to took pace. -The whispers. The ghost sounds."

Arthur's eyes locked with Merlin's, his body tensing, and the grip around the dagger he was holding, tightened. -I can't hear anything." he said, now speaking very quietly.

Merlin's mouth cracked open slightly. He slowly looked around. The ghosts voices whispered to_ him_. Someone talked, someone whispered, someone laughed. Arthur clearly tried to hear them, too. But couldn't. Merlin realized this was something only he could hear, and he had told about these things to Arthur. So the prince kept still and waited him to say something.

_The druids. They must be the druids. They whispered here once before. Maybe they are trying to scare us away?_

But as Merlin listened more closely, he realized that there was something off with the voices. This time, they weren't defiant. No. They...the druid voices were_ scared. _

They sounded uncertain, panicked. Terrified. -They...they are warning us." Merlin muttered. -Who?" Arthur asked. Merlin turned around and listened to the voices.

_-Mordys_. A voice said and Merlin trembled. Arthur moved subconciously closer.

Merlin couldn't catch more than word there and word from here, but their tone was scared. -The...the druids. They are scared. They are talking...whispering. They repeat his name, and...They are very afraid, Arthur."

Both of them knew who was that _him_ referring to.

Merlin turned to look at the prince. Arthur eyes were wide. -The druids? Why would they fear one of their own?" he asked, brows furrowed.

Merlin felt the coldness taking a grip from him. -Because he isn't one of them anymore...Druids are good people. He...isn't a druid anymore. He isn't even human anymore... They fear him, maybe even more than anyone else, because they know what he will become, understand the true extent of his powers..." Merlin mumbled, eyes wondering on the whispering trees.

Arthur took a breath. -Well that can't be good." he said, sounding sarcastic but his tone was nervous. Merlin tried to hear what the druids were saying. -Come on, let's go back to the camp. All of the weapons are there." Arthur said. Merlin just kept concentrating on the voices, and got moving when Arthur pulled him forward from his wrist. Merlin started to walk, the voices echoing around him.

When they reached the camp, Arthur quickly picked up every weapon there was: three daggers, one sword, one bow he had made and the arrows, also the spears. He gave a dagger to Merlin. Merlin had never put his trust into weapons as there had not been any need for it. Now he stared the sharp dagger on his hands, knowing that normally Arthur would tease him about his terrible sword and aiming skills. Now they were both quiet, painfully aware of that fact.

Arthur had given him few weapons through the years to keep himself safe. Usually he hadn't needed them. Merlin always kept two daggers in his clothes, one in his booth and one on his long secret pocket that Gwen had made into his jacket.

Merlin didn't even bother to ask how many weapons Arthur had hidden, he had once or twice stared in wonder after a hunting trip as Arthur had taken off his armour and every weapon that were on him. The amount had been shocking. From what he had recalled, there had been seven different daggers, one sword, one throwing blade and many others imaginable things.

When Merlin was ready, he stood alongside of Arthur, waiting. He kept listening to the druids, but couldn't make out anything reasonable. Minutes passed by.

Soon, an hour had passed. The long wait made the adrenaline kick in and then disappear, then do it again.

Slowly, the druid voices disappeared, faded. Merlin told about it to Arthur. The silence was again uncomfortable, unnatural.

Three hours passed, and Merlin got so tired that he had to sit down. Arthur, however, kept pacing around and staring into every possible direction.

Two more hours passed. Merlin asked Arthur to sit down, and after one hour more, the prince refusingly did so._ Maybe he is not even coming. Maybe it'll take months before he comes after me. Maybe he wants to wait before I'm too weak to even stand up on my own...  
_

Arthur was on high alert, even if he was sitting on the ground. Unspoken rule was that the fire wouldn't be lit, no matter how cold it was.

-Arthur, maybe he won't even come." Merlin said, secretly hoping it would be true.

Arthur took a breath. -I wouldn't take the risk." he said, voice low.

Merlin shook his head. -The druids stopped. Maybe it was a sign that he won't come."

Arthur didn't answer. But the worried look he threw at his friend told everything.

Cold light surrounded the woods, the fog grew stronger. Another hour crept by.

Merlin felt exhausted but couldn't even consider sleeping. Arthur started to make new arrows, eyes glancing up and checking the landscape every once in a while.

The moon started to rise as more time went by. Merlin crossed his arms, hoping to feel a little warmer. The silence was disturbing. Merlin felt the urge to keep talking. This just might be the last time they talked to each other...

_Stop it already._

-Arthur, what did you tell your father?"

Arthur got distracted from his work and looked up, brows furrowed. -I mean," Merlin continued: -where did you say you were going?"

-Hunting. I send a word to him that I'd go hunting. But I didn't say how long it would take." Arthur answered.

Merlin bit his lip. _Great. So probably the knights won't come looking for us for a while... _

-They'll notice I've been too long gone from Camelot, eventually." Arthur said, shrugging. Then he realized the double meaning of his words and flinched. -I mean..."

-I know." Merlin just said, refusing to continue this subject.

-I'm sure that he doesn't even notice. " Arthur said, bitterness in his tone.

-Arthur..."

-It's fine. He made his own decisions. Besides, the knights will start asking questions eventually. There should be patrols that inform that there are no sign of me." he said, anger in his voice. Then he continued, but all of a sudden Merlin realized that a bad feeling had settled. He looked around, not hearing a word that the prince said. Everything blurred away from his awareness as the bad feeling grew.

The woods were quiet. Even more quiet than before. The kind of silence that was disturbing as it was completely unnatural to a place like this. The fog had risen and it seemed to glow in the blue light of the night. Merlin's heart started to took pace. The bad feeling grew even more as he sensed something. Something that made his every sole go on alert, what made cold shivers ran up his back.

Merlin stood up, slowly, and distantly he heard how Arthur went silent in a second. Merlin looked towards the bigger clearing, towards the border of Mercia.

Arthur dropped the unfinished arrows to the ground and stood up._ Something is wrong. Something evil is present. _Somehow it felt familiar, in a very weird way...

-What is it, Merlin?" Arthur asked, very quietly.

Ice settled into Merlin's heart. Somehow he knew...

-It's him. He is here. I can sense him." Merlin said, the words dropping from his tongue like they would be slurred...Poisoned by the promise they contained.

Arthur stiffed and pulled his sword out, taking a deep calming breath. -Alright, listen. Do not get too close at him, Merlin, not in any circumstances. If you do, buy time." He swallowed. -We're going to fight back. If we go down, we'll go down fighting." Arthur said with determination, more like assuring it to himself, not Merlin.

_That doesn't really bring any consolation..._

Merlin refused to be so pessimistic. _It's going to be fine. Arthur's here with you.  
_

Before he even realized it, Merlin was walking towards the tree line, to the clearing that he knew was there. It felt like he was drawn there, knowing exactly where he should go.

Arthur followed him.

They reached the end of the tree line and arrived at a large clearing. The fog was thicker there. The blue light lingered there like a blanket, like a cold curtain.

Every sense in Merlin's body screamed to him that he shouldn't be here, but he stood still. Arthur stood beside him, hand tightening around the sword he was holding. They waited there in silence.

After a long moment, something started to shape from the fog. A small shape. Merlin knew it was _him_.

The little druid boy he had helped to save from Uther's rage, because Arthur had asked him to. Despite the dragon had asked him not to.

Merlin watched as the druid boy walked towards them, slowly and without any haste. It just made it all become even scarier. Mordred had nothing to fear here.

He had come to get what he wanted.

The magic inside Merlin shifted as it recognized the missing part's presence.

Mordred came closer, very slowly, until he was about ten metres away from him. The situation was unnatural. The boy moved forward without making no sound. Arthur and Merlin didn't move an inch. It all seemed like a nightmare, with the cold night surrounding them along with the eerie silence.

Merlin could sense Arthur was clearly on alert, ready to react to anything. His rapid breathing betrayed him, as it turned to blue smoke.

Mordred stopped. He stood there, like a statue. His cape moved in the ghost wind that had suddenly risen. The distance between them was long and yet so insignificant. It felt every prophecy and destiny the tree of them shared, was present there with them.

Mordred stared Merlin like Arthur wouldn't even exist.

_He's not Mordred anymore. He is...something else._

Merlin felt the suffocating malevolence radiate from the boy. Evil power, bad intentions. The cold, emotionless eyes stared at him without blinking. Now he knew that Kilgarrah had been right. Mordred's heart was as cold as stone. The raw power and the intelligent, dangerous mind made the air electirify with fear.

Honour.

Like the whole world should bend on its knees before Mordred.

_-Emrys._" a voice rang in Merlin's head. A voice filled with triumph, with sick pleasure.

Merlin swallowed.

He wouldn't answer telepathically. He wouldn't _give up_. Not now.

Merlin stared the druid boy, fear in his eyes, but determination on his face. The whole world seemed to be holding its breath before the first strike.

But there was no way denying it...The truth right in front of him. Kilgarrah and Arthur had got it all wrong. Mordred was more powerful than the sources of the Old Religion Merlin had ever met before. Merlin realized the true helplessness. He look into those cold, blue eyes and he saw death. Ice, _fear_, took over his heart.

_There is no way out of this.  
_

Mordred smiled.


	27. Chapter 27

Hi!

Please don't kill yourselves! Despite how many of you threatened it.=D Epicness on the way. (At least I hope so =D )

This chapter is quite a heavy and dark one. You have been warned.

Review?

Story: Damages (Chapter twentyseven)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

For a long moment, no one moved. No one _dared_ to move.

No one dared to speak or even flinch, because they were aware that it would set things in motion.

Mordred stared Merlin. Merlin wanted to look away, but couldn't. Those cold dead eyes had lost the last sense of humanity they had had before - now they were completely empty out of all emotions. The cruel and twisted mind behind those eyes made Merlin want to run for his life. Each and every sense he had, screamed to do so.

But he kept still. _He is going to kill us both. He isn't human. That creature is just pure malevolence and evil._ He couldn't help it, but his breathing got rapid.

Then, Morded tilted his head slightly. Merlin swallowd, trying to make his voice work.

-What do you want?" he asked, voice shaky. Of course he _knew_ what Mordred wanted, but every extra second brought some kind of comfort.

Mordred's smile darkened. -_You know what I came for, Emrys." _the boy's word rang in his head.

Merlin's heart took pace. He took a breath and lifted his ching higher. -Speak aloud so Arthur can hear too." he said. _If we are going down, at least I can have a bit dignity._

Mordred turned his glance to Arthur, like he had just noticed that the prince was there at all. Merlin couldn't help but to notice how Arthur tensed even more as Mordred set eyes on him.

_-So this little nuisance is still here. Interesting." _Mordred said. Merlin realized his hands were shaking. Arthur, however, straightened up to his full height and shifted the sword in his hands.

-You won't get what you want, Mordred. I'm here to take care of that." Arthur said, his voice sounding distractlingly calm.

Mordred smiled so widely that it resembled a mute laugh. The smile made icy shivers ran up Merlin's back. _Arthur, don't threaten him! _Merlin pleaded in his mind.

Mordred looked at Arthur like he was some interesting artefact, eyes stopping to the sword. -Are you going to kill me with that?" Mordred said aloud, and his voice sounded even more deeper and scarier.

Arthur swallowed and his face turned to angry one. -Yes I am." he spat, but kept still.

Mordred studied Arthur for awhile, in what seemed to be some amused boredom. Then he took a step forward. Merlin stepped in front of Arthur.

-You swore an oath, Mordred. You swore to me that you wouldn't ever hurt him or Camelot." Merlin said, now true defiance in his voice. _This is one thing I won't let happen. He promised. I might die, but he can't harm Arthur._

Mordred's face turned into completely blank one. He stared Merlin. Merlin took a deep breath. -You are bound by your promise. You can do whatever you want with me, but I promised to give my magic to you and you promised not to hurt Arthur. That is our deal."

Arthur shifted behind him, and Merlin bit his lip. _I'm sorry Arthur that I didn't told you about this. _Mordred's breathing turned into long, blue ribbons of air. It swirled towards them. Then the druid boy talked: -Very true, Emrys...And I will keep my word."

Relief washed over Merlin._ If Arthur survives, nothing else matters. _He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding._  
_

Mordred eyed Arthur with an odd look on his face. -I never had any interest in you, Pendragon. You were a tool that I could use to get to Emrys."

Arthur was clearly furious. -You are a sick psycopath! You are corrupted by magic, just a perfect example what my father loathes so much!" Arthur shifted on his place, a venomous glare in his eyes. -And what about the prophecy where you kill me? Doesn't it just prove that you are lying? You have no intention to keep your word!" the prince yelled.

Mordred stepped one step closer and Merlin stepped backwards by instinct. The druid boy looked at the prince like he was an insect. -We all know why I'm here. Because you, " he spat to Arthur, eyes burning, -...interrupted the transition. It would be _wise_ to stay away from it this time. I kept my word once before, don't try me whether I will do it again." he said, the words sounding something between a challenge and a warning.

Merlin pushed all of his messy thoughts away and cut in before Arthur could say anything. _Buy time. The situation will blow up in our hands if Arthur provokes him more. _-So, there is an agreement here." he said, drawing Mordred's attention from the prince.

Mordred was only few metres away from them now, so close that Merlin's heart thundered in his ears. Yet the boy was so scaringly calm...

-Tell me, Emrys, what have you planned for me? I know that the prince has observed the woods and the surroundings bit by bit, making all kinds of plans."

Merlin's eyes widened. His insides twisted uncomfortably. Mordred smiled faintly. -Yes, I have watched you for awhile now. The prince's actions were rather unsurprising and unintelligent. But you are a riddle, Emrys. You knew that it is a suicide to go against my will, so what are you going to do? The prince will try to kill me, and surely he can try, but I admit that your intentions are blinded to my eyes."

Merlin knew that this was a turning point. _If I answer, it will go all to hell from here. _He kept silent. So Mordred continued. -You have very little magic left. You can not harm me. And most importantly, you can't kill me, Emrys." the hollow voice said.

Merlin locked eyes with the boy. He took a breath. _This is it. Now._ He turned down the desire to look at Arthur for the one last time. _I'm sorry, Arthur. You would've never let me do this if I told you about it. _

Then as fast as ligtning, he drew a dagger from his sleeve, grabbed it with two hands and pointed it right to his heart. Mordred's face changed for the first time to somewhat surprised and a shade of fear crossed his face. Arthur gasped and moved instantly closer.

-Wait!" Merlin shouted and both Arthur and Mordred froze in to their places. For a moment only the blue fog moved around them, making the smoke from their breathing mix into it.

Merlin took few careful steps backwards, so he was further away from Arthur. The prince's horrified glance was too piercing to look at. So Merlin turned to Mordred.

-You are right, Mordred, I may not be able to kill you. But I can surely kill myself. And if I die, that last piece of magic dies with me."

A shadow crept to Mordred's face. Hesitation. Covered worry. -You wouldn't take your own life." he said, mockingly, but there was a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

Merlin rejoiced for it. If Mordred even suspected the possibility...Merlin lifted his ching higher and tightened his grip from the dagger.

-No? I will die nonetheless, after you take the magic from me or I die slowly about in a year. So, I don't really have any reason to sit around and wait my own death, do I? I can kill myself here and now. Your oath bounds you from hurting Arthur. I've got nothing to lose." Merlin said darkly, anger and frustration growing in his voice.

Mordred's face filled with anger. -You wouldn't_ dare_." he growled with a low voice.

Merlin tilted his head. -Do you want to try me, Mordred?" he asked, with same defiance. Arthur shook his head fiercely, horror in his eyes. -Merlin..." he said, carefully.

Mordred switched his glance between him and Arthur. Then a knowing expression landed on the boy's face. -This is a trick." he said with a calm voice.

Merlin shook his head. -No, it's _not_." Merlin couldn't look Arthur in the eyes, so he shifted his glance to Mordred. -Think about it, Mordred. What else is there that I can do?"

-You're lying!" Mordred spat, rage now in his voice.

-Watch me." Merlin said, turned the blade quickly in his hands and with a flash he sliced his left wrist open. -NO!" Arthur roared with a voice mixed with fear and worry.

Mordred stepped one step further. Merlin turned the bloody blade towards at his heart again, making Mordred stop. He breathed in long breaths. He could feel the pain aching in the fresh wound, blood flowing had been careful not to cut his artery. The wound wasn't that deep. _Keep calm. You don't have much time. It won't be long before your strength runs out, even if the weather will slow the bleeding down and eventually stop it. Mordred wants the magic. He won't risk it. _

-I can just rip that knife out of your hands." Mordred said, suggestively, like he was considering all of his options.

Merlin looked at the boy darkly. -Do you want to see which one of us is faster?" he threatened, and Mordred's eyes narrowed. He stared at Merlin's bleeding wrist with mixed feelings.

Merlin knew this was his chance. -Give my magic back right now, or I will push this dagger right through my heart without no hesitation. Take it or leave it." he said, voice slightly shaking.

Arthur was holding one hand up in the air like it would stop all of this from happening. -Merlin! Y-you can't!" he stuttered, desperate and clearly scared. They both knew that Merlin wouldn't hesitate doing it if it was for the right reason. Merlin felt bad as he knew how a chaotic war had landed inside the prince's head. _Don't do anything rash, Arthur. _ Because Merlin knew what Arthur was thinking. _Don't you dare to do it, Merlin, Don't you dare. _Merlin looked at the prince with apologizing glance. Arthur shook his head, face filled with panic._  
_

_I'm sorry Arthur, this is the only leverage I have. _

Merlin took a long breath. He tightened the grip around the dagger he was holding. Arthur had turned to stare Mordred with murderous eyes.

For terrifying, long seconds no one moved. Everyone was frozen to their places. Merlin breathed heavily. He stared Mordred, not letting even a fraction of hesitation fill his mind because then everything would be lost. What would the druid boy do? It was a desperate plan and surely it wouldn't work, but it was the only thing he could try to do.

Mordred stared at him with narrowed, angry eyes. Then before anyone could react, Arthur's anger spilled over, and he screamed aloud as he took speed and lifted his sword up in the air, ready to strike. Mordred reacted as fast as a lightning, and Merlin had just enough time to see his eyes turning to golden black before the ground vanished underneath him. A strong pressure wave hit him and knocked air out of him violently. Merlin realized he was flying in the air with amazing force and the starry sky was the last thing he saw before everything blackened.

* * *

Arthur watched in horror as Mordred's eyes turned to blackish gold and send Merlin flying in the air, then crashing hard on to the ground, swirling few metres and then finally stopping. Arthur had time to draw only one panicked gasp as Merlin landed face down, dozens of metres away from them and didn't get up. But Arthur had hardly any time to think before he continued striking his sword towards Mordred's chest. Mordred simply looked at the sword and it was yanked out of the prince's hand with unimaginable, invisible force. The sword flew away, hitting the ground somewhere behind him.

For a second, Arthur stared the druid boy, wide-eyed, before Mordred turned his eyes to him. Angry, furious eyes stared him with such venom and hate that it made the air escape out of Arthur's lungs. And then suddenly Arthur's legs just simply gave out, like his muscles had stopped working. He crashed into the snow. Mordred sighed like a martyr, face filled with fake pity and arrogance.

Arthur stared him, wide-eyed, unable to move his legs. Mordred tilted his head. -You _stupid_ little Pendragon! Did you really think that your ridiculous_ sword_ could kill me? You must be more stupid than I thought."

Arthur swallowed. Now that he was so close to the boy, the radiating dark power was almost suffocating. He would never admit it, but it was pure fear that it caused.

Arthur had never met anything so powerful in his whole life. Or so evil...Corrupted magic. He shivered. Slowly, he tried to pull a dagger out of his sleeve in secret.

Mordred's eyes were locked to his, and his voice was emotionless. -Don't take the dragger. It will be no use." he stated.

A lump started to form into Arthur's throat. Suddenly all of the strength disappeared from his hands. He couldn't move.

_He took it away. I can't move. Merlin..._

The state of paralysis made him panic. His heart was thundering, as the small boy in front of him controlled his body without lifting a finger. He feared Mordred. With every sole. It was that kind of desperate, helpless fear that crippled every thought. _Fear of death._

Mordred breathed in and out, in and out. The blue smoke waved in the air. Arthur could do nothing but stare the boy. He was completely helpless. He couldn't move his legs or his hands. Arthur remembered suddenly Merlin's words:

"_If you have any idea how you can beat Mordred, please share it with me. He can snap your neck by snapping your fingers."_

The thought ate his hope away. He knew it was true. Merlin hadn't overstated that. He knew Mordred could kill him simply, just like that. There was nothing he could do. _Merlin. Please be alright. Please. _

_-_You are rather amusing, Pendragon. First, about a year ago Emrys saves your and the king's life, then you sentence him to death. We all heard the news that Emrys had died. For a moment, I really thought he had done it. I always excepted you to save him from the flames, but you didn't. Must have been quite horrible, thinking you have driven him to suicide."

Arthur's breathing got troubled. The memories flooded back to him, and he tried to stop them._ He is trying to break me. He doesn't want to kill me right away, he wants to play with me...But he can't break me with this. He can't. _Mordred tilted his head. -After all, Emrys would have been ready to die for you whereas you abandoned him in a critical situation. I wonder how that made Emrys feel. Betrayed?"

Arthur closed his eyes and he tried to maintain his composure. _Don't lose it. Don't listen to him._

Mordred sighed. -I don't understand why he forgave you. You were a coward, too distracted seeking your father's approval and love. Why is that, Arthur? Every time Camelot has fallen under danger, it has been because of your childish longing. Uther Pendragon is the real villain here. A slaughtering tyrant, who murdered his own wife. Your _mother_. It must eat you inside to know that. Especially when your mother had done nothing wrong. And what about the king's traitorous, lying nature? He has lied to you for years. He never bothered to tell you that he took another woman, his most loyal friend's wife. Uther cheated his best friend with her.

If that wasn't bad enough, he knew that he got a daughter. A beautiful, misunderstood woman who had magic in her. How ironic... The Pendragons are one messed up family, filled with hate instead of love. Becase Uther ignored Morgana, abandoned her. But yet, he loved Morgana more than he has ever loved you. It's a sad truth, Arthur. "

Arthur couldn't stop listening those cruel words, that drugging flow of poison to his ears. He tried to move, but he couldn't. He tried not to listen, but couldn't. His body was shaking with pent-up rage. -That is not true!" he shouted. _It's not. _

He wanted make Mordred take all of his words back. _He is trying to break you. Don't listen to him. His words are not true.  
_

Mordred stepped closer. His eyes were cold. -I know a lot about you, Arthur. I can't understand why Emrys stays by your side. You wouldn't deserve such loyalty. You have hurt and mistreated everyone around you. Everyone around you suffers. Like father, like son."

-Stop it!" Arthur said, as his own chaotic mind started rushing the memories and thoughts around. Agony took over like a suffocating, icy blanket. Arthur hated being helpless, being unable to do anything. It was all messed up. Why did this happen? Why? What was wrong in the world? Why couldn't Mordred _stop_?

Mordred smiled. -You have failed everything in your life. When you were born, you mother paid for it with her life. Then, you grew up with an absent, cold father who only wanted you to train so you could kill effectively. So you did. You never had true friends. Just many sycophants who wanted money or fame. Who laughed at your jokes, did everything you commanded them to and made you feel a little better. Then of course you bullied everyone below you. _Just _to make yourself feel a little a bit confident. Then Emrys came along and you treated him like trash, someone expendable. He was just a servant. Even if you knew all the time how much he was willing to do for you. A bit selfish, isn't it?"

-Stop!" Arthur yelled, almost pleading. _Stop it stop it stop it. _Arthur's breathing was troubled now, as every breath seemed to be a struggle. He couldn't move and the agony inside him was crippling him. Mordred's words made all of the memories return to him, no matter how much he had denied them before. Each and every one. _STOP._

The fog surrounded them, and the cold wind made it dance. Arthur wanted to cover his ears but all of the strength had vanished from his body. He was like a puppet...

Arthur bit his lip so hard that it started to bleed. Aghast and agony were strangeling his throat.

-Then it of course lead to the point where Merlin had to pretend his own death because you were too afraid of your father. What then, Arthur? Would you have been satisfied with yourself if Emrys had really died? At leat your father might have approved. He just might have tapped your shoulder. And Emrys, on the other hand...I'm sure he tries to hide the hate and bitterness towards you."

Mordred stepped now right in front of him, grabbing his jaw and yanking it upwards, so that Arthur was forced to meet the boy's eyes. Arthur bit his lip. His body felt like it was on fire. Panting, he looked up to the deadly eyes. Mordred's face was pale and there was no sympathy in it. Just hate and disgust.

Arthur tried to turn his head away, but the grip was irony. Mordred lowered his head and suddenly, memories started flashing in front of his eyes. Like he really would live them again._ A flash of himself as a five-year-old, running after his father. Uther turning away and leaving him alone. Morgana smiling. Himself, when he had received his first battle wound and Uther didn't come to see him. Gaius, teaching him to read. Gwen crying over his executed father's body._

Arthur closed his eyes, shaking his head. His ears rang. -STOP IT!" he yelled to Mordred, unable to stop the flashes._ Merlin, walking into the market place. Merlin saving his life. Merlin drinking from the poisoned chalice and falling to the ground. Gwen smiling. His father turning his back at him. Gwen kissing Lancelot. Merlin laughing. Merlin stumbling. Morgana being sick. Merlin, eyes turning to gold. Morgana with a crown on her head. Gwaine and Leon fighting for him. Lancelot kissing Gwen. Mordred. Alvarr. Morgause enchanting a spell. His mother. Merlin crying. Balinor dying. Morgana looking at him with evil smirk. Merlin being dragged to the dungeons. Uther sentencing Gwen to death. Merlin gasping for air, sprawled across the dungeon floor. Merlin closing his eyes. Gaius looking at him cold, blaming eyes. Uther disheriting him. Merlin's friend Will dying because of him. Merlin's mother Hunith hugging Merlin. Gwaine running. Gwen, smiling in the sunlight. Kilgarrah, attacking Camelot. Merlin saving his life. Merlin waking up after the poisoning. Himself, hugging Merlin. Gaius dying. Uther staring at him with loathing eyes. Ortheus shaking his head. Geoffrey crowning Morgana. Merlin telling him that he hated him. Himself, hitting his broken hand into a wall. Uther walking away from him. Over and over again. Merlin convulsing in pain, as his magic was drawn out. Merlin laughing. Merlin crying. Mordred smiling. Morgana smirking. _

_STOP. Please stop. I don't want to remember...I don't want to know. It's not true, I...tried to save him...I...never wanted all the things to happen..._

Suddenly the flashes stopped. Mordred shook his head mockingly. -I despise you, Arthur Pendragon. You fell in love with a slobby servant girl that you can never have. You betrayed your friend's trust and almost caused his death. You have silently accepted the slaughter that Uther has practised through years and years, even you knew some of them were innocent. Some of them didn't even have magic at all. So you killed your own."

-That's not true! STOP it!" Arthur yelled, now fighting back tears. Agony seemed crushing. But Mordred smiled ruthessly, continuing:

-And you let your half-sister down, turning your back at her. You can not express any of your feelings, you just kept hurting people. You let them think that you don't care. You are proud, arrogant and selfish. You don't care about anything but yourself and try to hide your uncertainty and low self-esteem. You are miserable. So then you brag about yourself and use people like Emrys as the ones who make you feel a bit better. And they are ready to sacrifice their lives for you, over and over again. Like when I infected Emrys' magic, I knew he'd rather gave it up than let you die. "

-Please stop..." Arthur whispered, one tear escaping from the corner of his eye now. His whole body twisted in pain. Because he knew it was true. All of it, it was _true. Every memory, every word. All of them, it had been because of him.  
_

Mordred tightened the grip from Arthur's jaw and forced the broken prince to lock eyes with him. -I made an oath that I would not harm you. You can keep your life, I don't need it. Because you are a _coward_. A worthless, pitiful coward and unloyal friend. Two-faced snake under your father's boot. Ready to sacrifice anything and anyone for the sake of your own purposes. You are no threat to me. I don't see a future king in front of me. I see a broken, needy man who has spent his whole pretending to be someone else. Arthur Pendragon, you are lost in your life and in your lies."

Arthur closed his eyes, breathing heavily, gasping for air. Like all of had been knocked out from his lungs, agony and anxiety crushing his chest.

Mordred lifted his chin higher, and eye the prince like a despising object. -You can keep your forlorn life." And with those words, Mordred let go of him, and the prince slumped to the ground.

Black coldness surrounded Arthur. He didn't know whether his body worked anymore. He wouldn't be able to get up.

He tried to breath in and out. In and out. Snow filled his mouth and his awareness. He fought back tears. He told himself that Mordred was _lying_, that it hadn't been true. But he couldn't. _Because it is true. Every word. Every single word was true. _

Arthur pushed his head against the icy ground, his lower lip bleeding. The flashing memories haunted him, no matter how much he wanted them to go away. Distantly, he heard how Mordred was walking towards Merlin. Panting, Arthur turned his blurry eyes towards Mordred. Desperately, pleadingly.

Broken._ It's true. All of it._

He didn't want to get up.

Arthur closed his eyes tightly as tears tried to escape them.

_"-Because you are a coward. A worthless, pitiful coward and unloyal friend. Two-faced snake under your father's boot. Ready to sacrifice anything and anyone for the sake of your own purposes.  
You are no threat to me. I don't see a future king in front of me. I see a broken, needy man who has spent his whole pretending to be someone else. Arthur Pendragon, you are lost in your life and in your lies."_

Arthur gasped for air. He saw Mordred getting nearer and nearer to Merlin_. _Another tear flowed down. He panted, clenching his fists helplessly._  
_

_I'm so sorry Merlin...  
_


	28. Chapter 28

**Hi!**

So as I am very busy right now, it took a bit time to update. Sorry.=D (I should study for an exam right now, actually, but decided to post this instead. So there might be few more mistakes as I was in a bit of hurry.)

I'm also still recovering from the breath-taking season finale. I don't know how I'm going to be able to wait another year to see season four. Oh well...

The reviews. I almost got teary-eyed for them, they were so beautiful. I seriously kept grinning like an idiot hours after I read some of them, thank you so much! I feel like I don't deserve all the awesome feedback, as I'm kind of critical towards myself. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you.

So, I left you hanging last time. Want to see what's going to happen? Epicness promised, big time.

Well, also heaviness. You have been warned.

Please share your thoughts.

Story: Damages (Chapter twentyeight)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

First thing that filled Merlin's awareness was pain. That had happened a bit too often lately. For a moment he couldn't remember what was happening or where he was. It was cold. He was lying on something.

Snow?

He was outside. His left wrist was aching for some reason. He could smell blood.

Then it all came back to him with a rush_. Mordred. Arthur. Slicing his own wrist open. Arthur attacking Mordred. Then..._

Merlin took a deep breath and opened his eyes, blinking hard. Then slowly, his eyesight cleared and the first thing he saw was his own left wrist, bleeding to the snow and the snow melting under it. Merlin gasped.

The wound wasn't bad, and the weathed had already slowed the bleeding down. It wouldn't cause any danger to him if it got patched up soon. It had been a rather ridiculous act to slit it in the first place, but it had been a desperate thing to prove a point to Mordred. But Merlin didn't really care about it right now.

Somehow he sensed that he shouldn't get up. Like he should hide the fact that he had woken up. _Arthur? _Merlin searched the scene, and then he saw Arthur, slumped on his knees, Mordred gripping his jaw. Merlin gasped as fear settled in.

_But Mordred promised! He promised not to harm him. _

But before Merlin had any time to react, Mordred let go and Arthur just fell to the ground. Merlin watched it all with terror, but then Mordred turned to his way and started walking.

Merlin closed his eyes instantly to buy time._ Figure out something. He is going to finish the transition. What can I do? If I try something magical, it will just slow him down and tire myself up..._

_Wait. Kilgarrah!_

Determination filled Merlin as he started to enchant the dragon, eyes closed and not saying a word, but he called it and he knew the dragon would hear. Merlin pleaded that it just could get there in time. _Maybe Mordred can't sense the dragonlord powers being used? He shouldn't..._

Merlin's heart started to take pace._ Please Arthur, be alright. Please. _

He could hear Mordred's steps now, getting closer. Merlin tried to maintain his calmness but couldn't. Panic started to rise as he finished the summoning spell and he still couldn't hear the dragon. Merlin's fingers found the dagger lying in the snow beside him, and his grip tightened around it.

Then, Mordred reached him. For long, horrifying seconds the boy just stood beside him, doing nothing. Merlin's heart thundered in his ears. _Buy time. Do something. _

As Mordred started to crouch lower, Merlin's magic shifted inside him and bolted, sending Mordred flying few metres away. A wave of dizziness washed over Merlin and knocked air out of him, as the magic protested against him.

But when he could open his eyes, Merlin forced himself to get up, and swaying, he finally was able to stood up. Mordred had already gotten up, and watched him like nothing had happened. A sting of fear. Merlin shivered.

Mordred's eyes were still cold, emotionless, but now there were also anger.

_-Do you really want to make it all last longer, Emrys?" _Mordred said, telepathically.

Merlin took a breath. His panic turned to rage. -You promised not to hurt Arthur!" he shouted, glancing the prince on the ground, unmoving. Mordred smiled bitterly. -_Oh I didn't harm him. He is completely fine. I just reminded him for a few facts. It seems that the prince Arthur isn't as strong as he wants people to believe." _

Merlin glanced at Arthur's still form, worriedly. -What did you do to him?"

_-Nothing, Emrys. We just had a little chat." _

Merlin breathed in and out, trying to keep it together. _Maybe he is telling the truth. He spared Arthur once before. He wouldn't risk the transition. _

Merlin lifted his ching higher, agony gripping him. Mordred tilted his head. _-I kept my word, how about you keeping yours?"_

Merlin let out a broken breath, blue smoke vanishing into the air. Like it would be his fate soon, too.

Suddenly Merlin didn't want to fight anymore. He was just so tired of this._ Arthur is alright. He no longer has the sickness. He has already accepted magic and understood its nature. He has let go of his hate and bitterness...There is nothing more I can do for him. He will become a great king and do everything that was prophecied. _

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment. _He'll find a way. The dragon will guide him. I'm too tired to fight anymore, running from the inevitable. This should have ended already. Maybe it's time to let go. Maybe...it was always meant to end this way. _

_Maybe I should give in. It will make it all easier.  
_

He took a long breath, and opened his eyes. He faced Mordred, and his fear settled. Merlin swallowed. -Alright. Your promise still bounds you, even after the transition. You won't ever attack Arthur or Camelot." Merlin said, very slowly.

Mordred didn't even blink. -_As agreed, Emrys."_

Merlin took a long breath, party hoping that Mordred would have argued. But now, he knew it was time.

He couldn't kill Mordred. It was a fact. He couldn't drag this out any longer. It was another fact. Merlin squeezed his left wrist, putting pressure on the wound.

_Arthur, I wish that you would've never had to see this. I wish I could have spared you from this, as I know how hard it was the time you thought I was gone...I'm sorry. But I also know that you will get through this. I know you will. You have Gwen and Gwaine and Leon and everyone important in your life to take care of you. You won't be alone._

Slowly, Merlin took a better grasp from the dagger, covering it to be a movement for the pain in his bleeding wrist. He took deep breath.

_I always imagined that somehow everything would stop the moment I die. _

Merlin couldn't feel bitterness or sadness, as he breathed the cold winter air in, moonlight suddenly coming out from the clouds and making a ghostly light on to the landscape.

_A silvery moment._

It was a rather beautiful moment to die. Fragile, fleeding moment, that would be his last but would be only a fraction of eternity for the world. Merlin was calm.

_It won't even hurt that much. The blade will pierce my heart, I won't even have time to feel it._

One, long breath and his fingers slowly tightened around the blade. Seconds seemed to slow down.

-One more thing, Mordred." Merlin said, and he was very calm.

_-What is that, Emrys?" _

Merlin smiled faintly. -You should've known better. I would've never let you become Mordys. Never."

Before the words sank into Mordred's awareness, Merlin pulled the dagger quickly, turned it around, and stretched his hands before him.

Merlin heard an odd whirling sound, and a scream. _Merlin, don't_. said a voice in his head, and Merlin's eyes cracked open, his hands hesitating one short second, but Mordred had turned around. Merlin took a breath and realized the whirling sound was Kilgarrah, flying as a massive majestical dragon towards them, letting out a deafening roar. Merlin stared the dagger with hesitation, his hands shaking.

Mordred raised one hand in the air, suddenly power radiating and bouncing everywhere in the air, as Kilgarrah pulled its wings together and dived in the air like an arrow towards the druid, it's golden eyes burning with anger. Mordred yelled a spell with low voice.

Merlin had a second to hesitate whether he would push the dagger in, but he hesitated only that one second. Kilgarrah breathed air in, ready to blow fire, but Mordred's eyes turned black and he shouted the spell so loudly that Merlin couldn't even make out the words.

Instead, he watched in terror as Mordred's spell hit Kilgarrah, it's eyes closing in the air. _Oh God. _Merlin stared, mouth open, as the huge dragon was dropping right towards them and no one had any time to react before its massive body hit the surface.

Merlin screamed as the sound was painfully loud. The huge dragon crushed heavily against the ground. Merlin saw Kilgarrah's wing coming down right at him, snow storming every around him, sounds crippling. Merlin yelped in pain as something hit him and the ground disappeared underneath him. Suddenly he was sucked into blackness.

* * *

It was quiet. Arthur breathed.

It seemed to be the only thing he could do. One thing that he was capable of. _Breathing. _

The memories Mordred had forced into his awareness, swirled now back and forth like a broken record. But Arthur couldn't really do anything but to stare Mordred walking to Merlin, standing beside him for a moment.

_Was it always meant to be this way? Who had decided that this would happen? Who had decided it all? _

Arthur was in a haze of agony and guilt. He was _useless._

His heart thundered in his ears._ Merlin. Merlin, you _can't_ die. You are not supposed to. You should die when you're grey and old, not now. I can't let you._

Arthur hated himself. He hated himself for being the weak and pitiful coward what Mordred had said him to be.

_"-I have faith in you." _Merlin's words echoed in his ears.

Arthur closed his eyes. _You shouldn't. I've let you down so many times._

The prince stared the scene before him, as suddenly Merlin sent Mordred flying with magic. Mordred hit the ground but stood up like he hadn't even felt anything, like nothing had happened.

Arthur shook his head. _Don't. Merlin, you shouldn't use your magic..._

He bit his bleeding lip and realized that Merlin was fighting back because he had to. _Because I am lying here like a spineless loser. Coward. Letting down my friend...  
_

Suddenly rage filled Arthur.

He _wasn't_ helpless. He_ wasn't_ useless.

He had made a promise to himself that he'd protect Merlin from all harm, long time ago, when he had stayed three nights beside Merlin's bed when he had been recovering from the blood loss. He had promised to himself that something like that would never happen again.

Arthur's eyes narrowed when he watched Mordred and Merlin. He looked darkly at Mordred. _I might be all of those things you said. But when you said that Merlin is expendable, you were wrong. _

Arthur's rage boiled over and he decided that way or another, he would pierce that sick druid's heart. Arthur put his hands against the ground and pushed himself to sit, and then upright. He abandoned the thought of his sword; it had flown somewhere further away and it would take time to search it from the snow. So Arthur pulled a dagger from his clothes, and turned just in time to see Merlin, once again hands strechted in front of him, the blade aimed at his heart.

Arthur's heart skipped a beat. _No. No no no. Don't you dare. No! _He stared in horror, as it all dawned on him. Merlin would've never let Mordred turn. He'd rather sacrifice himself..._NO. I won't let it happen. Stupid Merlin! Stop!__  
_

Arthur rushed forward, but then he heard a loud sound, like the air had gone mad around him, and suddenly a roar brake the air with deafening force. Arthur turned his head and caught a climpse of the dragon, flying fast towards Mordred and Merlin.

Arthur could only see Merlin. He thanked the heavens that Merlin hesitated; his hands were stopped in mid-air. _Don't you do it. Don't you dare. _

But then Mordred turned around and shouted a powerful spell, even Arthur could feel its power. Suddenly the dragon let out a murmured moan in the air. Arthur turned to see that the dragon had closed his eyes, lost control of its body. Arthur froze, and stared in shock as the huge, massive dragon continued the fall right towards Merlin and Mordred.

Mordred's face turned into aghast and fear, but it all happened in mere seconds. -MERLIN!" Arthur shouted in horror, unable to do anything. Then Kilgarrah crashed heavily against the ground, right onto Mordred and Merlin. A deafening sound of the frozen ground rip the air, as Arthur fell backwards.

Arthur's ears locked and he looked up in time to see the ground giving in beneath the dragon's weight. Arthur's heart almost stopped as he watched the dragon sinking to the ground, and soon a splashing sound filled the air, and an awful cracking sound.

The air got stuck into his throat as he realized that the clearing they were on, wasn't actually a clearing, it was_ a lake_.

And Kilgarrah had broken the surface of it, pulling Merlin and Mordred to the icy black water. For a moment, the snow and the pieces of the ice whirled.

Arthur just stared as the air and the lake settled, the water's surface returning to clearer.

_Oh God. Oh God._

Arthur could only stare in horror. Everyone had sank into the black water and hadn't risen. The deafening sound of the crushing ice still echoed on the air.

Then Arthur's body started to co-operate. He didn't even hesitate; he stood up, ran towards the huge hole in the ice, took speed and jumped.

Black water surrounded him and the coldness knocked the air out of his lungs. It was so cold that it wasn't comprehendable._ Freezing_. So cold that it shouldn't be possible.

_Concentrate. Find Merlin._

Arthur started to swim, and pushed himself towards the surface. There, he took a deep breath and headed towards the spot Merlin had been standing on. He dived, eyes searching for some sign of movement, of _something_.

But the water as dark as night, and he couldn't see anything. Panic started to take over, as Arthur kept diving time after time.

He dived deeper, and crashed into Kilgarrah's wing. The huge beast was floating in the water, slowly sinking down. Arthur swam past it, eyes frantic.

His heart thundered in his ears and his lungs screamed for air, but he kept going. Arthur dived and tried to find something, just _something_. He had to return to the surface, drawing greedily air in. He could feel how his body was already getting cold and stiff. It was harder and harder to swim, as he was getting more exhausted every second.

_No! Find Merlin. Time is running out..._

Arthur dived again, now diving deeper and deeper towards the lake's bottom, the pressure getting stronger around him.

He couldn't see a thing, everything was a black freezing mess around him, and eerily silent.

Air started to run out and soon Arthur's lungs screamed for it. But the prince knew that the time was running out fast; it had been already a minute or two. He had to find Merlin.

His hands and legs were getting numb and it was harder to swim and to concentrate, but Arthur forced himself to keep diving deeper.

He didn't see a thing.

_Desperation_.

He could sense that the dragon's massive body was floating somewhere above him. He shouldn't get stuck under it, so he had to be quick.

The water pressure started to make his head ache and his ears were ringing. His broken hand protested against swimming and his lungs were burning. All he could think about was _air._

And Merlin.

Then suddenly, something hit his left shoulder. Arthur turned to the direction and swam closer. He found something, no, _someone_. Was it Mordred or Merlin? _Please let it be Merlin. _

Arthur reached his hand and found an arm. Arthur reached his hand further.

His blind hands hit a cheek, cold and unmoving cheek. Arthur's hazy mind couldn't think of anything better than slide his hand to the person's neck.

He could have yelled out of pure relief when he felt the familiar neckerchief in his fingers.

Arthur's eyes were going hazel, as his oxygen had run out some time ago. The prince took a firm grip from Merlin's arm and started to swim towards the weak light somewhere far above him.

It took everything, everything, to keep going. Only pure determination gave strength to Arthur's freezing and stiff body to move.

It felt like an eternity, but then Arthur could feel his head breaking the water's surface. He gasped greedily air in. The sweet, precious air. It had never felt so good before just to_ breathe._

For a second, his eyes adjusted and when he was sure he wasn't losing his conciousness, Arthur turned to Merlin. Merlin's head was partly leaning against his shoulder, partly on the water.

All of the fear and panic hit him. Merlin wasn't pale, he had turned to_ white._ Blue-ish white, that kind of sick white that he had only seen in some of Gaius' ex-patients...

_Stop. Stop. Get out of the water._

Arthur looked around and realized his own teeth were shattering. He was pretty sure that the adrenaline was technically the only thing that kept him going. If he wouldn't get himself and Merlin out of the water now, they would both die of hypothermia.

Well, if Merlin was still alive...

_Stop. Concentrate.  
_

His heart thundering, Arthur took a better grip from Merlin so that his head was up from the water, then swam closer to the edge of the ice.

It seemed desperate.

The ice had broken and it would probably brake even more if he tried to get up. _If_ he could get up, as he was freezing and numb and stiff and he would have to pull Merlin with him.

It was so _cold._ He had never been so cold in his life. It was so cold that wasn't understandable. Arthur's whole body was shaking rougly now, and staying up was getting rather impossible. All of the strength was disappearing from his legs and his arms.

_You have to get up. Now._

Arthur gritted his teeth. He needed something to get a grip from; to pull himself up. He didn't have a rope. What did he have? Weapons...Weapons! Arthur couldn't think of anything better, so very quickly pulled a dagger from his clothes underwater. His fingers barely worked anymore. Suddenly the dagger just slipper from his hands. Arthur gasped in panic but couldn't catch the dagger anymore, it was sinking down already. He thought about diving after it, but he knew that he couldn't, with Merlin beside him and knowing just how_ cold _the water was.

Arthur gasped for air and reached for another dagger, this time taking as strong grip as possible. He lifted his hand from the water, struggling to keep above the surface without his hands. Arthur panted for the air, his breathing turning to blue smoke.

He was exhausted. Barely concious, as he was _freezing._

He knew that if he missed this chance, there wouldn't be another one.

_I can't die to this lake. I won't. I wasn't meant to die this way. Mordred will not be the one who kills me._

So Arthur pushed his last strength to the limit, tightened his cold fingers around the dagger and then smashed it against the ice.

The blade sank into the ice and Arthur tried it: it held. The prince gritted his teeth and pulled himself upper. The ice against him cracked and partly broke. He tried again.

This time, the ice held and with everything he got, Arthur hauled himself onto the ice, dragging Merlin with him. The ice let out cracking noises, so Arthur pulled himself further, gripping the dagger tighter. With all of his strength, he pulled himself fully onto the ice, Merlin with him.

For a moment he just lay there, exhausted. Breathing. The air felt so warm around him, a blessing. He knew it was freezingly cold, but nothing compared to the water.

Arthur couldn't feel his fingers anymore.

He knew he should get away from the edge of the ice, so even if he just wanted to lay there, unmoving, resting, he refused. He crawled further, unable to stand up as he couldn't feel his own feet, he dragged Merlin with him.

Finally, they were in a safe distance. Arthur turned to Merlin.

Merlin's face was white, and he was soaking wet. The water had started to freeze, so Merlin looked so fragile and pale, his dark hair covered in hoarfrost. His eyes were closed and head slumped faintly away from Arthur.

Arthur let out a pained moan. It was the only way that he could express the feeling. Desperation, panic. Anxiousness, sorrow. Fear.

Merlin_ couldn't_ be alive.

Arthur knew it was true.

He had been too long underwater. He had received a strong hit from Kilgarrah's wring; been crushed against the ice. He had already been so weak, clinging to life.

Arthur breathed rapidly, his breaths turning to blue smoke. -Me...rln?" he said, but it came out as a broken whisper.

His body was shaking so roughly from the cold, the icy wind making him dizzy as it touched his wet clothes. Arthur shook his head, unable to stop one desperate tear rolling from his eye.

-Mrln..Don't.t..y..u..giv..e..upnow." he stuttered.

Arthur felt a lump forming to his throat. Merlin didn't move. Arthur would've clenched his fist if his fingers had still worked. He knew Merlin was gone.

He couldn't be alive.

He didn't see any breathing turning to blue smoke, like his own. Merlin wasn't breathing.

Arthur took gasps of air, shaking his head, his body writhing. -Do...n't..di..e." he pleaded, miserably.

What had he done wrong to deserve this? Why had Merlin deserved this? Why had it happened?

Arthur let out a sob. He lifted his roughly shaking hand and placed it against Merlin's neck. Merlin's skin was colder than his own hand.

Arthur shook his head fiercely. -N-no." He whispered, like it would make Merlin come back.

_You can't die. _

_Merlin..._

_Come back._

Arthur swallowed and just buried his head against the ice beside Merlin. Desperate sorrow took over.

The winter around him couldn't touch him. His body was shutting down; he knew it. He was having a strong hypothermia and it would soon claim his life, too, if he wouldn't move and warm himself up.

But as he lay there, Arthur felt like all of the hope was gone. Everything had been for nothing.

He was a coward, an unloyal friend, just like Mordred had said.

He had let Merlin down.

Here he was; freezing to death, shaking like a leaf. Beside unmoving Merlin. Beside his dead friend.

Arthur breathing and out, his body writhing painfully.

_Please._

He knew it was like. This emptiness, this hollow feeling in his chest. The absence.

He knew it. It had been alive in his memories, in his nightmares, but this...When it was here again, this helpless loneliness - it was worse than any wound or suffering that he had known.

He was alone now, quiet on the woods.

The water was still, the faint breeze of wind made some snow move on the ice's surface. Everything had become a blue, cold world.

Arthur didn't get up.

_-I'm happy to be your servant. Till the day I die."_

Arthur let out broken sob.

_Wish granted._


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi!**

Back again.

One interesting thing. Have you ever actually swam in freezing water? Not just chilly, but actually freezing water?

I have. I've done that few times in a swimming hall with water below 4 degrees celsius, but last year I went into a frozen pond. =D No, I'm not crazy, it was a common thing to do in the place I was. Anyway, the first time I got in the water, the air was knocked out of me. Seriously. It was so cold that I can't even remember it right or understand it. I got some ice floating next to me here and there.  
It feels nice after you get up from there (the outside air was about -25 celsius degrees) and it felt so warm and cozy after the water. Oh well. I don't really know why I mentioned this, maybe to make clear how cold the water actually is during the winter time? Well, it's. Very. Cold.

The reviews, again. I don't know what to say. Should I thank you all personally? It would make a long list. One of the most memorable comments said that this story wasn't addicting, it was crack. I'm so flattered! I never thought someone would actually get hooked to this.

Anyway, I bet anyone wants to cut this rambling and go on to the story (at least that'd be better, I don't think this is that entertaining =D) so I leave it here.

Reviews are my personal energy boost.**  
**

Story: Damages (Chapter twentynine)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Seconds passed by. Evevy one of them felt like a torture, like an anguished reminder of the fact that Merlin was slipping further and further away.

It was so _cold_.

Arthur had never been so cold.

But it was quiet. That kind of calm quietness, which was born just because there was no one else. Because he was _alone._

The soft snow moved on the ice's surface, covering the prince's wet clothes with ice. It made his shivers go stronger and more violent with each and every breath he took.

It was _so _cold.

Arthur couldn't cry. He didn't have the strength. He couldn't cry because if he did, he'd give up on Merlin, admitting that he was already gone. He would let go.

And Arthur didn't _want_ to let go.

He wanted Merlin to live. Is it too much to ask? That Merlin could live, unharmed? That for once, there were no wars or sorcerers or anything to mess everything up.

There was so much wrong in the world. Merlin had survived from Uther's hate, he had survived even the sword strike. He had survived the transition. Why couldn't he pull through now?

_Because he was already weak. Because he got crushed against the ice. Because he was underwater too long._

Arthur hated thinking Merlin in past tense.

He shouldn't do that. He_ wouldn't._

Anguish and agony was even more painful than the crippling coldness. Arthur took a shuddering breath, his body shaking more and more rougher, and opened his eyes.

If felt like something had died inside of him when he saw that Merlin hadn't moven an inch. Arthur's eyes burnt, and it oh that felt so warm in this weather...

He couldn't talk. Breathing was getting so painful and troubled, as his lungs gasped for air.

He didn't want _this_. He wanted Merlin to be alive. Why him? Arthur would've traded his life for Merlin's, because he just couldn't take _this_. He couldn't watch Merlin dying another violent death in front of his eyes.

_Merlin. _

And even if Arthur tried to think about anything else, he couldn't say things like _please come back, please don't die, don't you dare to leave me, don't you dare die on this stupid lake, don't let Mordred win, don't die, please don't die..._

But everything was said in that one desperate thought in Arthur's head, filled with such emotion and guilt and mourn that it couldn't be expressed in words. Pleading, begging word. Just one word.

_Merlin..._

Arthur moved his hand slowly, as it barely worked, towards Merlin, and could only place it upon Merlin's wrist. Pale, cold wrist.

Arthur shut his eyes, breathing and his body writhing. He tried to listen, because he couldn't feel his fingers anymore, tried somehow hear if Merlin was still there, still lingering on the line, before he would be gone forever.

He didn't get anything. He didn't feel anything. Only that it was _so cold. _

There were no words for the loneliness and emptiness, this strangeling blackness inside him.

_I should get up. I should get somewhere warm. _Arthur's self-preservation reminded him, but he couldn't get up. If he did, he would give up on Merlin.

And he couldn't give up on Merlin.

Arthur had lost the track of time. His body was stiff and cold and numb and he was feeling tired...Exhausted. He just wanted to lay there and never get up.

Head beside Merlin's, Arthur pressed his forehead against the ice. It was _so cold._

Somehow, he couldn't feel the violent wriths as sharply as before. His breathing was easening, but slowing down. His body was giving in to the coldness and freezing wind.

He shut his eyes. Maybe the knights or the patrols would him? Maybe they'd thought that he had died before Merlin had? That Merlin had been the one trying to save him? Would his father think that Merlin had betrayed him and killed him? That was something his father would certainly think.

Arthur's eyes were blurry. The painful shaking was dying slowly away. The numbness felt so good. So easy. He would die here, beside Merlin, on this lake.

Well, if he thought of it, it wasn't that bad way to die. Mordred had fulfilled the prophecy; he would be the one who killed Arthur. Well, not directly, but this was all because of him. It he had just done something differently all those weeks ago when he and Merlin had gone hunting.

_If I could just change things..._

Arthur couldn't go insane because of the grief. He had done that before, he already knew this feeling, this hollow emptiness. Even if he knew it, it didn't make it any better. It was worse.

Arthur's ears started humming. No, that wasn't exactly humming, it was...a weird sound, tinkly but mute. _Humming._

It didn't make any sense. Arthur breathed, drawing a shaking breath, God how cold the air was; and blinked. He opened his eyes slowly, the blue world adjusting.

Arthur had to blink again, because suddenly something yellow had appeared in his sight.

Arthur blinked harder, as the faint, almost transparent light didn't leave. It was there. Arthur gasped, moved slightly to get his head upper. Was he already hallucinating?

For a moment he just stared, trying to figure out whether he really saw something or not. There were a wide, almost transparent golden ribbon in the air just above Merlin.

Arthur took a deep breath, stared it, but the light didn't disappear.

It was really there.

Arthur gasped the air in, trying to get upper to see better. His thoughts were stopped, everything held its breath. Because he couldn't let himself _think _anything before he was sure. Because false hope would crush him, he knew it.

Arthur watched the light. It was very faint and barely there to be seen, but it was _there_. And it surrounded Merlin, moving towards him. With effort, Arthur lifted his numb and roughly shaking hand from the ice and very carefully let his fingers touch the light.

Everything rushed into his awareness in a second: the warmth, the familiarity, the tinkling feeling on his skin. The familiar rush of something that had been present every moment of his life during the six years.

Magic. It was magic. And it wasn't_ just _magic, it was _Merlin's_.

Arthur gasped for air as his frantic eyes searched the source of the light. He let his eyes search it; it came all the way from the water line, no, _from_ the water.

_Mordred. He is in the water...Kilgarrah fell right down on him._

_Mordred is in the water!_

It was a realization, and Arthur turned his head back to Merlin, suddenly hope springing in his chest. Merlin kept still. He was exactly in the same position he had been before, and Arthur glanced at the golden light, worriedly. But the light was flowing into Merlin, not away from him.

Arthur could barely handle the relief, the hope. It Merlin's magic was returning to him, it meant that Mordred was dead or at least dying, and Merlin wasn't gone.

A dark suspicion crossed his mind: what if the magic would come back nonetheless?

_No. Stop. _

So Arthur breathed the cold air in and out, in and out, trying to maintain conciousness. His head was dizzy, it was just so_ cold. _His body had settled; the wriths shook him very rarely now, and Arthur knew it wasn't a good sign. He felt exhausted, tired, ready to give up to the sleep and numbness, but he refused.

If there was just a small chance...

The light's volume faded and then got stronger, like he would be watching a water's surface. Arthur watched it, pressing his head against the ice, partly Merlin's arm. _Thank you thank you thank you._

He didn't even know who he was thanking. He lifted his head again. His body was very silent and still now, Arthur couldn't feel it properly anymore. But if Merlin just lived...

-M-m-rn..." Arthur tried to whisper but the shivers were too much. The prince knew he was dying.

_Merlin, you are getting your magic back. That means you'll got stronger, right? _

Could the magic revive Merlin? Was it strong enough to heal Merlin's broken body and pull him back from the darkness?

_You will get through this._

Arthur breathed the freezing air in, a faint smile on his lips.

_You'll be alright. You'll get up from there and be just fine. No dying anymore. We've seen too much death._

Arthur's breathing broke in to shattered breaths, and he couldn't keep his head up anymore. Arthur pressed his head against the ice once more, taking a grip from Merlin's arm.

He closed his eyes and panted. His body wasn't shaking anymore.

Everything was still. The blue world around him was completely still, but Arthur could still feel the rush of magic right beside him, humming to him like a lullaby.

Maybe that's what it was.

Arthur lost the track of time and space. Merlin was there with him, nothing else mattered.

He was so tired...He couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Arthur lay there, glad about the fact that the coldness was gone. He didn't feel anything now.

From somewhere a distant sound broke his peaceful silence. Like a splash. Like water.

_Water. Kilgarrah. Mordred._

Arthur's hazel mind registered the sounds; splashing water, strong sounds of ice rattling underneath someone's weight. Then he could feel the ice beneath him shake. Arthur tried not to let go of his awareness. Someone was on the ice.

Was it...Mordred?

Arthur's last panicked thoughts were lost in the war of sounds and the thumming ice. There were deafening sounds of the ice, water and something shaking the ice.

Arthur could imagine the freezing water below himself, even if the ice was very thick. He didn't want to fall there again.

The prince tried to comprehend what was happening. He couldn't let Mordred come back and take the last bit of Merlin's magic. Arthur struggled to open his eyes but his eyesight was already lost. There was just black.

He didn't know how much time passed. He could still feel the flow of the magic beside him, even if Merlin kept still.

Arthur's efforts were hopeless; he couldn't move himself, as he barely tried to cling onto awareness.

Suddenly he felt a bit warmer.

Sudden faint breeze of warmth. He felt it.

It was impossible. He knew it. Gaius had told him that just before those who had fallen into hypothermia, feel warm just before they die.

Arthur breathed in and out. He was feeling even warmer.

He managed to tighten the grip from Merlin's arm. There were no words.

If this was it, then it was. There could be a lot worse ways to die than beside your best friend.

Funny, he never thought like that about Merlin. He was just...Merlin. It was a synonym for everything.

He was feeling even more warmer. It felt so good, God how it felt good...He missed being warm. He missed fireplaces and blankets...

But his awareness stayed. He felt warm, but he was still alive.

His ears started suddenly ringing. Suddenly his whole body started to ache, and he started to feel the ground again. Arthur was painfully aware again, torn back to the lake, back to the reality from the numbing space.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and adjusted_. I'm still alive. I'm still alive..._

Arthur looked around, eyes slowly regaining the sight. Merlin still hadn't moved. The magic flowed into him, but now the flow was weaker. Panic made Arthur's insides twist. _No no no. Don't let it stop._

The prince turned to the other way, hearing some sound from there.

Air got stuck in his lungs. There was the great dragon, lying partly on the ice, partly in the water, partly on the snow further away. It was slumped, and it's body was badly bruised and bleeding, but its eyes were slightly open. Had it crawled out from the water? Had it caused all of the sounds?

In front of the dragon, there was a small shape. Arthur realized it was Mordred, lying on the ice, the magic flowing out of him all the way to Merlin. Small traces of blood were spreading on the ice's surface from him.

For a moment Arthur just stared. He didn't know if he was hallucinating, but he felt warmer. _Have I gone mad? Did I die and return to the lake as a ghost? What is going on?_

Arthur watched the scene before him. Suddenly Kilgarrah's eyes opened a bit more and it breathed in, then blew the air out. Suddenly Arthur realized everything, as the air hit him and it was _warm_. The dragon had blown warm air to him, revived him from the brink of death.

Now the dragon was clearly blowing it towards Merlin, but Arthur just closed his eyes for the heavenly warmth that touched his body, too. Then it faded, and Arthur struggled to sit up.

He sat on the ice, feeling dizzy and disoriented. Merlin was continously still and unmoving, which began to worry Arthur gravely, but then again Kilgarrah was lying there.

It looked straight into his eyes, and Arthur knew he had to do something.

Arthur stared at Merlin for one more time, letting go of of his arm. Then Arthur forced himself to move. Partly crawling, partly dragging himself forward until he reached Mordred. He couldn't still feel his fingers or his feet, and he was shivering rougly but at least he was alive.

The druid boy lay on the ice, blood spreading from him. Mordred's face was white, blue-ish - his forehead was bleeding. Arthur could see that the dragon had taken Mordred to its claws; the teeth had pierced Mordred from several spots and his flesh was torn.

Mordred had also spat blood from his mouth.

Mordred shouldn't be even alive. His head looked like the skull had been crushed. It just might be the case, but the magic kept Mordred alive. Yet Arthur couldn't pity the boy.

He was full of hate, anger._ Rage._ He hated the boy with his every sole, with his every breath. Mordred gasped for air, turning his blue eyes to Arthur. Those ghostly undead eyes locked with the prince's, and for a moment they just stayed there.

Arthur stared the boy with such venom that if looks could kill...

Mordred's breathing was ragged and his wide eyes stared back to Arthur. Slowly, Arthur took the last dagger he had hidden in his clothes, took a grip from it, and stared the boy.

-N-now you g-get what y-you deserv-e." he said. Even if his voice was unstable with the writhing, it was still full of hate. Full of that rage and helplessness that he had felt, every agonizing moment he had gone through because of the boy.

Mordred stared him, and Arthur wasn't sure was it fear or hate or both. Arthur lifted his hands up the air, the same movement Merlin had repeated two times earlier, ready to sacrifice himself, but now, Arthur let out a angry yell as he let the blade sank in.

Mordred's body had one last convulsion, before it fell down and the blue wicked eyes got glassy. They were empty. The druid boy fell against the ice and didn't move. The same second a bolf of magic rushed out of him, yanking Arthur backwards.

The magic's flow got stronger and it headed to Merlin. Arthur felt the strong relief washing over him. _Mordred is dead. He is gone. For good._

_Mordred is dead.  
_

Arthur looked at the little druid boy, body broken and torn, heart pierced with a dagger. Blood seeping out of him to the ice. But Arthur didn't pity him.

Instead, he turned his head to see Kilgarrah. Now when he was nearer, he could see that the dragon's body was full of awful gashes and bruises. It's head was slumped heavily on the ground, eyes barely open. It was wet and the icy wind had started to form hoarfrost on its thick skin.

Arthur bowed his head as he knew that without the dragon he would have died. Even if he was still very cold and shivering and his clothes were still wet, he would manage.

The dragon didn't move. Arthur would return to it later, but right now Arthur felt the urge to go to Merlin. So he went back, legs barely working. He reached Merlin, being careful not to get in the magic's way, even if it would probably just go right through him.

Merlin hadn't still moved, and worry strangeled Arthur's throat. The prince eyed Merlin - the icy hoarfrost had partly melted and the water had partly dried from his clothes.

Arthur shivered again, even if the wriths weren't nearly as violent as before.

The magic flowed freely now, more strongly. Arthur couldn't do anything but to watch.

Then his eye caught something from Merlin's left side. Arthur turned his glance just in time to see that the wound on Merlin's wrist was...shrinking. Healing.

_Healing. The magic is healing him._

Air got stuck in Arthur's lungs as he closed his eyes in pure relief. The dragon's fall had clearly broken something in Merlin's body, but Arthur prayed that the magic would heal it all.

The wound on Merlin's left wrist shrank until only a red, scarred line was left. It would leave a scar, but right now none of that mattered.

Arthur didn't dare to touch Merlin as he glowed with the golden light. The magic's flow was calming. _He is going to be fine. The magic is healing him._

Arthur refused to believe that Merlin wouldn't wake up. He had to. He _needed_ to.

Soon, the last pieces of magic rose from Mordred and flowed into Merlin.

Arthur held his breath, as the light faded but Merlin kept glowing faintly, like the small golden sparks would have danced very slowly in the air next to him.

Arthur shivered. -Merl..in?" he asked with a quiet voice, full of hope, hesitation...

The prince eyed his friend, unsure whether he should touch Merlin or not. But then again, it was Merlin.

Arthur reached his shaking hand and landed it carefully onto Merlin's arm. The golden light went through his streched hand, feeling odd and tinkly. Arthur ignored it and shook Merlin gently.

For a moment, nothing happened. Slow desperation started to take over Arthur. He shook Merlin's arm again. -Merlin?" he asked, pleadingly. Merlin kept still.

Arthur shivered as the slight breeze of wind felt like an icy grip around his body. He was shaking again, he needed to warm himself up soon, otherwise the dragon's protecting effort would be for nothing.

-Merlin!" Arthur managed to say without his voice breaking, shaking Merlin's arm, desperation in his voice. His throat was getting thick and his eyes burnt again.

_Wake up. Please wake up._

Arthur refused to believe that it had all been nothing. _Don't you dare to give up now. Mordred is dead and all of the magic is returning to you. The dragon dragged Mordred from the lake just to save you. The magic is healing you._

-I-it's unf-fair to give up n-now. You h-hear me?" Arthur said aloud.

Merlin kept still. Arthur shook his head. _Don't you dare to die, Merlin._

It was freezing, Arthur knew that even if the dragon had warmed them both up a little, it would give only some more time. Arthur swallowed and shook Merlin's arm like a little child, lost. _Wake up._

Arthur put his own arms around himself to feel a bit warmer. Why did it have to be so_ cold?_

He swallowed and crouched closer to Merlin. Suddenly Merlin's eyelids flickered slightly. Arthur blinked to be sure that he wasn't just hallucinating. But then Merlin's eyelids flickered again, and his head moved slightly.

Arthur took a deeb breath, deep relieved breath. _Thank God. Thank God._

Then slowly, Merlin's eyes flickered more and he let out a pained moan. His face twisted in pain. -Merl..n?" Arthur called.

Then Merlin's eyes opened slightly, they were golden. Arthur trembled for a bit. The golden light around him ailed faintly. Merlin tried to take a troubled breath, but clearly he couldn't. A slight panic stung Arthur as he realized Merlin's lungs were still full of water. Merlin cagged for air before he turned on to his right side and spat water out.

Merlin coughed some more water out, until he drew a loud breath. He coughed until it settled and all of the strength faded from him. Merlin slumped against the ice again, eyes still golden, breathing with long breaths.

Arthur shut his eyes for a second, relief filling his every sole. Merlin stayed silent for a long while, just breathing. His breaths made long, blue ribbons to the air. Then he opened his eyes, still golden, and searched for Arthur.

It took awhile, but then Merlin recognized Arthur. He clearly tried to say something, but the words got stuck in his throat, and all that came out was a hoarse whisper.

-I-it's 're alright. M-mordred's dead." Arthur said, smiling faintly.

The relief was obvious on Merlin's face. Slowly, the gold started to fade from Merlin's eyes. Arthur watched it worryingly, but the glowing around Merlin just ailed, it didn't disappear.

Merlin coughed once. -rthr." he mumbled with troubled voice.

Arthur nodded. He had been sure he'd never hear that voice again. -I'm here." he said, because it was the only thing he needed to say.

Merlin's face twisted. -Hur..ts." he mumbled. Arthur leant forward, worry taking over. -Hurts? Whe-where?" he said, shivers getting rougher.

Merlin drew air in. - Mm..cold." he whispered, and Arthur nodded.

-I-i know. W-we shoul...d get somewhere w-arm." he said, and Merlin nodded. The gold in his eyes had faded away now, only Merlin's own blue eyes looking back at him.

-Wh.t hppne..d?" Merlin said, turning his head towards Arthur, his eyes hazel.

The memory made Arthur twist. -It's..a longs...tory. La-ter."

-Kil...g..rrh?" Merlin asked, his eyes searching the landscape. Arthur swallowed. -Y-you ha-ve to concet-rate on yourself-f." he said. It was_ so cold. _

Merlin's expression turned to desperate one and then he struggled to get up. Arthur tried to stop him. -No! Don'..t!" Arthur said. Merlin twisted in pain and he just fell against Arthur, breathing heavily.

Merlin's presence was comforting. He was _breathing_, alive. Even the magical light glowing around Merlin didn't bother Arthur. It was familiar, it was _Merlin. _

Normally he might have pulled away from something that was clearly so magical, but this was_ Merlin._ Merlin would never hurt him, never do any harm. Arthur didn't see Merlin's magic as a separate part of his friend, so it didn't scare him. Still bothered him sometimes, but he wasn't afraid of it.

Merlin struggled to sit, and looked around. When he saw the dragon and Mordred's broken body, his eyes widened and he gasped.

-Is...?" he stuttered.

-Mord...ds dead." Arthur said, his shivers getting rather violent already.

-Kil..gar.h.!" Merlin yelped, panic in his eyes, and struggled forward. Arthur didn't have time to stop him. _No Merlin you shouldn't move!_

Arthur didn't have the strength to follow him. The painful wriths had taken over again. He was so cold; he felt dizzy, disoriented, exhausted. He could only watch as Merlin reached the dragon, lying on the ground, and let out a miserable sob. -Kilg..rh."" he muttered, shaking roughly.

_It's too cold. We need to get somewhere warm. Otherwise we will both die anyhow._

Arthur shivered silently as Merlin put his hand upon the dragon's huge head, near to it's eye. Merlin shook his head, desperate. -N-no." he whispered.

Then Merlin let his gaze slide on the dragon's destroyed body, seeping blood and full of bruises. Merlin's eyes watered and Arthur shook his head.

-Kilgrh." Merlin called again, sounding miserable.

But the dragon didn't answer, it's eyes were closed. Merlin looked shocked, and Arthur just bowed his head in front of the great dragon. Without it, he might have never left Camelot, or they might not never killed Mordred. Without it they would be already dead.

Arthur shared the sorrow, as the dragon had been very loyal and wise.

Merlin's broken sobs filled the air, as he tried to call the dragon with his unstable voice, between the wriths.

-Mrln..." Arthur called.

Merlin shook his head. Suddenly determination clearly took over. Arthur watched the scene, on alert, and then Merlin placed his hands on the dragon's skin and gasped.

His eyes turned golden and the glowing light around Merlin faded, like a candle that was blown to.

-Merln, don'..t!" Arthur shouted with the voice he still had left. _You are not strong enough to heal him. He is already gone. We need to get out of here. It wasn't your fault...Please Merlin._

But Merlin kept desperately trying again, his eyes turning golden. Arthur forced himself to move, partly dragging himself on the ice's surface. Merlin's breathing was ragged and he was shivering roughly, but he kept trying to heal the dragon.

Merlin's sorrow filled the air, as they both shivered roughly.

Few tears rolled on Merlin's cheeks, as the dragon kept still, no matter how much Merlin tried to heal it. The last time, Merlin just fell against the dragon's head and didn't get up anymore.

Arthur reached them. The blue night was getting darker and darker.

Arthur felt the mourn for the dragon touch himself too, but right now the time was really_ running out_.

They were freezing to death. It wouldn't take long now.

Arthur shook Merlin slightly from the shoulder, but Merlin was still. Arthur gasped. The healing can't have drained him that much? It shouldn't have...It shouldn't.

Arthur shook Merlin once again, but his friend did'nt move. _We need to get out of here. Now! Right now. _

Strong anxiety took over as he knew that they would both be gone soon. Arthur felt the helplessness, as his legs weren't working. Merlin was leaning against the dragon, the glowing around him getting weaker, more transparent. Arthur gritted his shattering teeth and refused. He wouldn't die here. _They_ wouldn't die here.

Distantly Arthur heard a shout. He was hallucinating. He had to be.

But then he heard it again. He looked up with his already blackening eyesight, and saw something red in the distance. Something that came closer every second.

Someone called his name.

He lost the track of time, it was _so cold_. Arthur felt himself falling to the ground, exhausted, _freezing_. Tired. He got a faint glimpse of someone who looked somewhat familiar.

Someone in red. _-Sire._" a desperate voice echoed in to his awareness, something that sounded a lot like Sir Leon.

It was the last thing Arthur heard before everything fell into blackness.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello for one last time!**

So, this story has come to its end. As fun (and dramatic) as it was,** this is the epilogue chapter for my story Damages.**

I hope you all enjoyed the story and it arouse some feelings in you when you were reading.

For me, this was a bit different multific. The plot kind of evolved while I was writing it. At first I had no meaning to make this as suspenseful as it became to be. And I certainly didn't plan this to go up to 30 chapters...Oh well. I'm so thankful that you still kept following it anyway. It was a bit heavy to write sometimes, as I never ever imagined this to become this dark and heavy, but I'm kind of glad that it did.

For my reviews, I give my humble thanks. I admit that about in the middle of this story, I was ready to give up. I felt like I'm writing a hollow story which dragged itself through. But fortunately, the reviews kept my enthusiasm and inspiration up. There were also a lot of very beautiful reviews - so awesome that I almost got teary-eyed myself or kept grinning hours and hours after reading them. I can't thank you all enough for your support. The amount of positive feedback and especially concstructive critism was really breath-taking.

So about the whole fic: Was it good/bad? What can I work on, was something spot-on? Would you read another multi-fic in the future if I wrote one? Share your thoughts, for one last time. (Wow, I'm so dramatic...=D)

It's been a long journey with all of you. Thank you so much for reading Damages. Here is the last chapter.

_Niphrehdil_

Story: Damages (Chapter thirty, Epilogue)

by: **Niphrehdil**

* * *

Arthur wasn't sure whether it was possible, but he could have sworn he heard fire rattling.

He had no idea where he was and everything came back slowly, but one thing he realized: it was warm. Heavenly warm. How much had he missed warmth?

The second thing that came into his awareness was that he was lying on somewhere soft. Not ground , or _ice. _Somehow it felt so familiar. Arthur blinked and the light stung his eyes, but after he had blinked few times, his eyes adjusted. First thing he saw was a bookshell.

He was somewhere inside. No, he was in _Camelot_. He knew those bookshells. He knew those curtains and this faint scent of herbs. He was in Ortheus' chambers.

How the hell was he in Ortheus' chambers? Arthur had to think back.

_Merlin had woken up. It had been so cold. Mordred was dead. The dragon didn't answer to Merlin's desperate calls, or didn't stir when he had tried to heal it. It had been so cold. Then...someone had came to view. Sir...Sir Leon! _

Arthur remembered now faint glimpses of here and there. He had woken up once, during the journey back to Camelot. But he didn't remember anything else from that. He could distantly remember hearing people shouting around him. Then it was nothing.

Arthur twitched his fingers. Pain shot to his broken left hand. It had been bandaged. His other hand was fine, well, if the faint numbness in his fingertips wasn't counted.

Arthur tried to move his legs; they worked. He breathed out, relieved. He was fine.

_Merlin. What about Merlin?_

Arthur struggled to sit up, his head feeling dizzy. But it settled. Arthur gazed around the room, but it was empty. Besides himself, there was an empty bed further away. A wave of uncertain worry washed over him.

-Ortheus?" Arthur called, his voice hoarse. Oh how good it felt when his body wasn't shivering anymore, and the air went in and out without any trouble.

The physician came out from his smaller room, looking distracted. Then he saw the prince, and surprise filled his face. -Sire!" he said, and put the books he was holding onto the table. Then he rushed to Arthur's side.

-Sire, how are you feeling?" he asked, worry in his face.

Arthur shrugged and swallowed. He was rather fine, a bit disoriented but alright. -Fine, but where is..."

-Thank goodness, we all thought you were gone. When the knights brought you here, you were suffering a strong hypothermia. It was severe, even if the knights managed to keep you somewhat warm during the journey back to Camelot."

Arthur took a breath. -Alright, when was this?" he asked, furrowing.

Ortheus smiled. -Two days ago, I gave you some sleeping draughts to let you rest. You have been recovering very well."

Arthur shook his head, confused. -I was out for two days?" he said, incredulous._ Merlin. Where's Merlin? Why isn't he here?_

Worry started to take over. Why on Earth wasn't Merlin here with him? Before he started to jump into conclusions, Arthur interupted the gladly rambling Ortheus.

-Where is Merlin?"

Ortheus stopped and looked at him, surprised. -Where is Merlin? Your servant?"

Arthur didn't like the surprised look. He didn't like it at all. -Yes Ortheus, where is he?" he said, now some desperationg crawling into his voice. _Merlin had been unconcious, but he couldn't have..._

Ortheus smiled. -Oh, he woke up few hours ago. He wanted to go outside. I told him that it wouldn't be a good idea, as you both have suffered very strong hypothermia, but he insisted."

_Thank God. For a moment I thought..._

_No. It's not important. He is alright.  
_

Arthur threw his legs over the bed's edge and was about to stand up, before Ortheus lifted his hands up. -No, Sire, you shouldn't get up either. You should get some rest. Your father commanded me to give the best treatment I could, and I..."

-I appreciate it, Ortheus, but I'm going. I can come back later if that's needed." And with those words, Arthur stood up and with few seconds of swaying, he managed to get moving.

Ortheus was clearly about to protest, but Arthur shut the door after him. He stepped into the corridor, looking around. But somehow he knew where Merlin was.

So Arthur headed towards Gaius' old chambers. He passed servants and maids, all of them looking rather surprised. After one corridor, he almost walked straight into Sir Leon.

Sir Leon turned in surprise, eyed the prince and bowed his head. -Sire." he greeted.

Arthur nodded hastily. He felt grateful towards Leon. He had found him and Merlin. Without him they'd both be dead. -Sir Leon, you saved our lives. I thank you for it, and you will be rewarded." he said, but his thoughts lingered on Merlin.

Sir Leon smiled and nodded. -Thank you, Sire." the humble knight said.

Arthur was almost leaving, when he realized that he could ask about the events from the knight. -Sir Leon, can you briefly tell me what happened after you and the patrol found us?"

The knight nodded, looking somewhat troubled. -Well, we took you and Merlin and put up a fire to keep you warm, then saddled the horses properly and got ready to return to Camelot. Then..." Sir Leon hesitated.

Arthur nodded. -Go on."

Sir Leon's brows furrowed. -There were...few people coming out from the woods. People with dark hoods. I think they were druids, Sire. One of them came to me and asked whether they could take the small boy with them. I agreed, as he was already dead, my lord, and so they lifted the boy's body carefully up and disappeared into the woods, saying nothing more."

Arthur sighed. He felt just a slight sting of guilt, even if Mordred deserved all of it. After all, he had been just a boy..._No. He was evil and corrupted by power. _

Sir Leon looked up. -Was it the right thing to do, Sire? I didn't see anything dangerous in it, and you were unconcious at the time, so..."

-It's alright. The druids probably wanted to bury him. You did the right decision." Arthur said, feeling a slight shiver thinking about the druids.

-What about the dragon?" Arthur asked, carefully. He already worried how Merlin would feel about it.

Sir Leon looked even more confused. -Well, we didn't know what we should do about it as it didn't show any signs of life and we assumed it was dead. We just left it there, we were in a hurry to get you back to Camelot, but..." Sir Leon's brows furrowed and he looked away.

Arthur tilted his head. -But what?" he asked, on alert.

Sir Leon swallowed. -The patrols that came after us, said that there hadn't been any dragon there. That there were blood on the ice and that the ice had a big hole in it, but no dragon."

Arthur gasped silently. -It...it wasn't there?" he asked. _Did Merlin manage to heal it?_

Sir Leon looked uncomfortable. -It does sound impossible, but...I saw the dragon with my own eyes, Sire. And none of the patrols reported seeing it after they got there."

Arthur furrowed. -Alright...We'll see about that later. Thank you, Sir Leon." he said, nodding and walking again.

During his trip to Gaius' chambers, Arthur tried to comprehend how on Earth had the dragon disappeared. It had been badly injured. Mordred had probably struggled and given some fatal blows to the dragon before they had gotten up from the water...Merlin had desperately trying to heal it, but the dragon hadn't stirred...

Arthur didn't know what to think. Did as old magical creatures as the dragon somehow disappear after they died? All of the memories from the ice reminded him about the thick agony still hiding somewhere inside his chest. But he ignored it.

Arthur reached the familiar door, took a breath and opened it.

* * *

Merlin sat silently in Gaius' old chambers. It was quiet there. He had been up for few hours now. He had felt the urge to leave Ortheus' chambers - still too much that reminded him about Gaius. And he really needed to think things through. He was sitting alone in the chambers, with a blanket around his shoulders. He wasn't actually feeling cold, but Ortheus had insisted.

Merlin looked around the room. Everything felt so familiar yet so strange. So much had happened after the last time he had been here.

It felt like it had been months instead of weeks from the druid attack, the very first thing that set things in motion. So much had happened.

Merlin looked down at his scarred wrist. He thought it had been rather ridiculous act to slit it, but it had been necessary back then.

He didn't really remember much after Kilgarrah had fell and crushed through the ice. Merlin was pretty sure that several bones had broken in his body before he had reached the water. He was more or less fine now, but...

_Arthur_ had saved him. He had been the one to save his life, not his magic that had returned to him. Without the prince, he would have drowned into the freezing water. _I can't believe you just came after me into freezing water. You could've died, too...  
_

But when he thought about it, he knew that he would have done the same thing for Arthur.

Merlin let out a deep breath. He had blurry memories here or there.

He remembered being pulled back from the blackness, as suddenly everything hurt and he couldn't breathe. He had seen Arthur. The prince had looked absolutely horrifying: he had been blue-ish, pale and shivering roughly. He had also been soaking wet and had hoarfrost on his clothes and in his hair.

Merlin also remembered the coldness. It had been_ so cold._ He had never felt so cold before.  
But also, his body had ached. It must've been the magic healing the broken bones...

Then he had seen Kilgarrah. Sorrow stung him like a needle when he thought about the dragon. It had come when he had called it - despite how dangerous it was. When it had been lying on the ice, body broken and torn with bloody gashes, Merlin had known it was dying.

He had tried so hard to heal it - to share some of the magic that was healing himself. He had tried it several times. Merlin was pretty sure that he had been able to concentrate some of it to Kilgarrah, as suddenly his body had started aching so much that his eyesight had blackened. That was the last thing he remembered.

He missed Kilgarrah. It had been an annoying dragon, he knew that - inaccurate, proud and sarcastic, but still. It had been his dragon, the last of his kind. It had been loyal to him and fought for him. Merlin bowed his head. It was wrong. _People that care about me shouldn't die like that...Violently...And all because of me._

Apathy hung in the air, just when he heard a door being opened.

Merlin knew who it was before he even saw Arthur. The prince walked quietly to him and sat next to him.

For a moment, they didn't say anything to each other. Merlin knew Arthur was alright, though, Ortheus had assured it to him earlier. Just a few frostbites here and there, but otherwise fine.

-Merlin...how are you feeling?" Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin shrugged. _I've been better, but... _ -I'm fine, I guess. What about you?"

Arthur nodded. -I'm fine, too."

But Merlin knew Arthur was _not_ fine. The prince had gone through way too much to be _fine_. Because even if the sickness was gone and Merlin had gotten his magic back, the events still followed them.

Arthur eyed him, tilting his head. Merlin turned his gaze to Arthur.  
-You're glowing." Arthur stated, confused.

Merlin just hufffed. -I noticed." He had noticed the glowing after he had woken up. It was almost transparent, that kind of light that if you didn't watch closely enough, you just might not notice it.

Arthur tilted his head. -Well, _why_ are you glowing?" he asked, with slightly worried tone.

Merlin shrugged again. -I guess it's because the magic flowed back. I don't really know, maybe the magic is settling slowly. I've never glowed before."

Arthur snorted faintly to that, because it sounded so stupid. Merlin's lips curved into a weak smile. Then it fell.

It was a riddle to himself, because he felt normal. In fact, he felt very good, like he would be whole again. He didn't feel constantly exhausted and tired. He wasn't _dying_ anymore.

But it all reminded him about Gaius and the fact that the dragon was gone...

Arthur somehow sensed it and took a breath. -Merlin, about Kilgarrah..."

Merlin looked away. -I know. It was too far gone. Mordred had wounded it under the water. It had also received a lot of bruises and injuries from the fall."

Arthur shook his head. -But, it's alright, I just..."

-I know. It wasn't your fault, and I know I shouldn't blame myself for it. It was Mordred who killed Kilgarrah. I just couldn't heal it..." _I wasn't strong enough._

-No, Merlin, listen..." Arthur started, but Merlin interrupted him again.

-It's fine, Arthur. Kilgarrah was willingly defending us with its own life. Without it we would have both died." Merlin said, and swallowed. _You are not to blame._

-No, Merlin,_ listen _to me." Arthur said, and now Merlin turned his head towards the prince. Arthur could see that the sorrow was clearly present in his eyes. He smiled faintly. -Sir Leon just told me that they had seen the dragon when they had left the lake but the patrols that came after them, hadn't."

Merlin looked at the prince, confused. -So you mean that...?"

-That the dragon wasn't there anymore when the patrols came, yes. It was gone, disappeared from the spot." Arthur said, trying to hide his enthusiasm.

_It...it wasn't there anymore? _Merlin stared into nothingness, his mind trying to take it all in. -As in..." he mumbled. Then he looked back to Arthur, a faint smile on his lips. Was it possible? That the dragon hadn't...

-Do you think...?" Merlin asked, hope in his eyes. _That it might be alive?_

Arthur went serious. -I don't know. Shouldn't you be able to...sense it or something?"

Merlin looked away, and his eyes got distant. For a moment, he just sat there, but not really there. He tried to sense the dragon's presence. Arthur waited. Merlin's brows furrowed, as he kept looking into nothingness. Suddenly, there was a small flash of something, so small and weak that Merlin wasn't sure had it been just a resulf of his imagination.

-I...I'm not sure..." he shook his head. He looked back to Arthur, very confused. -I...I can't say. The magic is still messing me up, it hasn't settled yet. But for a moment I thought that...I don't know." Merlin said.

Arthur nodded, and silence filled the room for awhile.

The silence was peaceful, as it wasn't an akward or painful silence. For once, none of them were sick or dying or about to meet great danger. They just sat there for a long moment. Calmly.  
But there was still so much things left unsaid...

-Arthur..." Merlin said, and the prince turned his head.

Merlin looked troubled. -I...I wanted to apologize for what I said back here in the castle...I didn't mean it, and I hope you realize why I had to do it?" _Please understand, I didn't mean any of it._

Arthur swallowed, took a deep breath, looking away. -I understand why you did it. But I won't approve the fact that everytime you get in trouble, you invent something like this to keep me away from it or trying to protect me."

Arthur took an ailing breath as he glanced at Merlin's scarred wrist. -And the fact that you would have sacrificed yourself to stop Mordred turning to Mordys, is unforgivable. It was stupid, selfish and rash, Merlin. You should never danger yourself just because you wanted me to be safe. It_ shouldn't_ work that way. I thought that the events a year ago taught something to us both. No secrets or lies. You shouldn't keep things from me, it never leads to anything good."

Merlin took a deep breath, pulling the blanket tighter around him. -I ...know. But...I knew about the prophecy where Mordred kills you and I didn't want to risk it...I couldn't stay in Camelot as you were getting sicker and sicker..." he said, voice shaking.

Arthur bit his lip and sighed. -You are not expendable, Merlin. That's one thing you should know. Did it ever cross your mind how I would have felt if I never came after you and you'd be found dead? And what about Mordred? If he had become Mordys, he would have been unbeatable. Even if you made him promise not to harm me or Camelot."

Merlin shook his head, agony in his face. -I...I just didn't know what to do. I thought it would be easier if you hated me."

Arthur gasped, and shook his head. -I could never hate you. Believe me, I really tried."

There was a tension between them, unfamiliar and unnatural.

Merlin let out a broken sigh. -I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through. I said all those awful things, then you had to see the transition...Then you pulled me out the lake...Actually I haven't thanked you about that." he said, realizing it.

Arthur shook his head. -It wasn't anything that I stopped to think whether I would do it or not." he said, quietly.

_ I know._ Merlin smiled sadly, then turned to Arthur_._

His face got serious, and his eyes were glistening. There was one thing that needed to be said.

-Arthur, what ever Mordred said to you, it isn't true. I know it's not. You shouldn't have listened to him."

Arthur swallowed hard and his face twisted before he turned his head away. Merlin blinked rapidly. -I can't even imagine how you must have felt, having to hear me saying those horrible things. And I know that...me...dying...isn't anything easy to deal with, as it would be as hard vice versa. I can't even begin to know what you went through on those minutes on the ice."  
_It must have been terrible. Knowing that both of us would soon die...That the situation was helpless..._

Arthur shivered and his body tensed. This was just the way Arthur acted when the poisoning was mentioned. It was so poignant and painful memory that Arthur never talked about it. Never; it was a forbidden topic. Merlin felt a lump forming to his throat.

But now prince tried. -Merlin...You almost died back there. It's...it is something that I'll carry with me through my whole life. I would have never forgiven myself if...You have to be careful. "

Merlin couldn't help but to let out a silent sob. -I know...But Arthur, you have to know that nothing Mordred said was true. You are a _good_ person." he said.

Arthur's face was twisted in pain again. He was clearly thinking the opposite.

Merlin shook his head fiercely. He hated seeing Arthur liked this, so vulnerable. This was something else, though. Arthur had been through _too_ much. He had gotten into breaking point, Merlin could see it in his eyes. This was even worse than a year ago.

_I told him I hated him. Mordred told him lies, forced him to believe everything he said. He had to watch me dying...God what he must've been thinking during those minutes in the ice. It's so wrong. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve any of it._

Merlin sighed, as he tried to hold back the tears. -Your life has never been easy, I know. But you are different from your father and Morgana. I have always imagined that you are more like your mother was.  
You have done so much good, Arthur. You risked your life over a servant, fell in love with Gwen...You accepted me and my magic, and defended me in front of your father. You saved my life over and over again, despite how dangerous it was. It wasn't your fault that Gaius... Or your mother died.. It wasn't your fault what happened to Morgana. You blame yourself for things that has happened around you, not _because_ of you. Surely you've done few mistakes, but so all of us do. But you've done so much good, Arthur.  
The moment I met you, I thought you were an arrogant and selfish." he said, chukling with tears in his eyes, -...but now I know that you are not any of those things. I have said this before, but I'll say it again: you will become a great king. The people respect you and they will follow you. They knew how you stepped between me and your father, and that gives hope to those people who use magic for good. You are not a coward."

Arthur trembled when he said the last word. Clearly it had been something that Mordred had said also. Arthur closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

-D..do you really think that way?" he asked with an unstable voice.

Merlin smiled faintly. -Yes, I do. And the fact that you jumped into freezing lake because of a servant, because of me, just proves my point. Mordred and your father are wrong about you. "

Arthur listened to him, swallowing hard. The prince watched the sunlight shining through the big window, as it revealed the dust dancing slowly in the air. There was a long silence.

Somehow Merlin sensed that Arthur believed him. No matter how badly broken he was, and how long it would take before the prince would recover from the events, Merlin knew that Arthur would get through it. He was much stronger than he gave himself credit for. No matter what Mordred had said...

A shiver went through him. _Mordred._ He just knew that the boy had died. But how had it happened?

Merlin swallowed. -Arthur...Did you...did you kill Mordred?" he asked, barely audible. Carefully.

Arthur stirred away from his thoughts, his gaze fixing to the floor. -Yes, I did. The dragon had taken Mordred to its claws when it had risen from the water. His skull was probably crushed, too. I pushed a dagger through his heart."

Merlin shivered. -I pity him." he whispered._ He was just a boy._

Arthur turned to him, the old rage present in his eyes. -You shouldn't."

Merlin pulled the blanket tighter around him. -I know. But...he was lost. Lost in the power that magic offered to him."_ Just like Morgana._

Arthur shook his head fiercely. -He was a ruthless murdrerer."

Merlin sighed. -I understand why you feel like that, but I can't stop pitying him. No one deserves that kind of death, no matter how malovent and evil they are."

-Merlin, always so righteous." Arthur said sarcastically, and Merlin chukled. He turned to the prince, and he got serious.

Arthur got serious too, and for a moment they just shared a glance. -Are you alright?" Merlin asked.

Arthur looked down to the floor, clearly about to say no and laugh about it, but instead he just sighed, and then said, barely audible: -I don't know."

Merlin felt worry washing over him. Arthur was rarely this honest and straightforward.

Merlin kept quiet, as he knew Arthur didn't except him to say anything. The prince continued: -When I was alone on that ice...I was sure you were gone. And for a moment, I fell into the same dark place where I was a year ago..." He bit his lip, blinking rapidly. -I couldn't have taken it...I couldn't. You would have been one name added to the list of people who had died because of me. And...I couldn't have lived with that. "

Merlin had to blink, too, as his eyes glistened again. -I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But...it wouldn't have been your fault. I know that all of this have taken it's toll on you, but you can't let it break you. All of these damages, they can't and _won't_ break you, Arthur. If they do, you'll let Mordred win."

Arthur swallowed and looked back to Merlin, hurt blastered on his face. Merlin nodded slowly_. All of these damages._.._I won't let them break you.  
_

-And I'm still here, you know? If you just will give me my job back." Merlin said, smiling.

Arthur nodded. -It is yours. A half-decent servant is hard to come by, anyway." Merlin chukled and Arthur let out a faint smile.

There had been so many things messed up between them, cold and icy as the lake, but now at least some of it was gone. _We'll be alright._

They sat in Gaius' old chambers, talking hours and hours, just like they had always done before the attack. The most important things were left unsaid.

There was no need for them.

_I'm glad that you're alright._  
_I forgive you._  
_I'm sorry._  
_You are my best friend._  
_I would trade my life for yours._

They kept talking until the sunlight shining through the window turned into blue one, but now coldness of it couldn't reach them anymore. They stayed there until Merlin's faint glow was the only light in the room; until they had talked enough and a comfortable, understanding silence landed upon them.

Until both of them knew Mordred hadn't won.


End file.
